Letter to a friend 7 in the am

October 22, 2004

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. - Oscar Wilde

I’m glad you enjoyed the phone call last night, I had a hard time sleeping, and I woke up at 4:30 and I tried to sleep and I must have drifted on and off because before I knew it, it was 7:00. Last night before you called I went to Wal-mart to see if they has a shower chair, I would like to sit down and let the warm water cascade off my head. It is a relaxing and meditation technique. They had a chair but it was $43.00 and only supported 250 lbs. That is too close and I would look stupid if I hurt my self by a collapsing chair. I sit on the floor of the shower and it is hard to lift myself up after I feel sufficiently relaxed.

11:20am
Forgot to put the start time, I’m sorry you had to pay the 18 cents to get the last letter, I really did weight the letter but from now on if it is close I will put the extra stamp on it. I may go to the movies and see “the motorcycle diaries” it is about Che Guevara before he became a revolutionary in Cuba and South America.

12:25pm
Once again I am worried that you are way too giddy with expectation as to what will happen when you get out. xxfriendxx, we have a long history but we are very different people both in age and level of acceptance of our place. I just do not see any future until (from my standpoint) I am happy with myself, and that could be years (weight, job, finances) and on your end well your addiction and what drives your self-destruction. I miss getting high but I don’t have the drive to act on it, at least from the standpoint of weed, I do use alcohol in an abusive manner and I can monitor it at the current time. I don’t want you to get pissed off just before you get out and you fuck up your first day out, and I don’t want the responsibility of giving you any illusion about our future or I want to limit how much you can count on me. Things are different.

The election is still close and Kerry should be pulling away, I think he blew it, and even if he wins he will be in a bad situation. If Bush wins the world will be in a bad situation. My analysis tells me that there will be a major bombing but I don’t know if it will be in America or in Europe, I’m thinking it will be the UK and it will be bad. Watch for a Halloween target date, all souls day would be better, but if kids are targeted it will be very bad, that is why I think it will be a weekend and probably not a civilian target.

One time xxguyxx got a visitor and I horned in on the conversation and xxguyxx gave me that look that guys give for the other to beat it, she is married but I don’t think Daniel will care. I council him on the perils of dating or screwing someone he works with. But he didn’t listen to me and I don’t think he ever will. Hell I don’t listen to anyone. I did put out a fire today and I did it for Edwin but it was set up to look like Edwin had the situation in control and he kind of did I was just the contact man and if Camille had been here two days ago she would have been doing it.

xxgirlxx got me a shot glass from Jamaica , it looks pretty cool, this is enough for now I must post