new year, old song, different ending?

Intended to start 31st but the DA has stayed clean as far as I know, and has clinged to me for support, but feels like she is sucking my positive energy out, but frankly I’m far too cynical, listless, afraid to try anything, to have any actual positive energy. When I walk the halls some come up to me to say hello but they don’t visit anymore and I feel uncomfortable visiting them, and I find my self making outrageous comments to make it easier for them to avoid me and I wonder how close were they to me to begin with. Budgets are up for grabs, my motivation is zero, 903 days to early retirement, unless the new governor changes the deal, which is her right, I have enough to buy a year, but I was hoping to use that to pay off all debt. I have a plan to pay everything in 3 years, but it requires living with the DA with little rent, and her staying sober, if by chance she went to jail for a long time, I doubt that I would have the opportunity to live there for more than a year, especially if her dad were to fall ill,
I have these fantastic ideas and I wish I knew how to use the cell better so I could record them, but they fritter away as I get caught in the fog of life
On the second I weighed 230, but that night I weighed 240 and the same this morning
Goal is to get to 200 by the summer equinox