Meeting Zen August 9, 2009

My folks left on Aug 1 for a trip and I stopped by to get the mail and feed the feral mama kitty and the inside Cat, and the Feral mama cat didn’t run and watched me refill the food and top off the water dish.
I am always fascinated by watching animals eat and drink water, I don’t know why, it is a moment of tranquility in which they exist a fragile moment of the existence of conscience which end with the slightest of movement or strange noise.
I watched her eat for 4 days after which he would lie on the concrete or lawn chair and I would leave. She was a no show Thursday but the dish was empty, I filled it to the brim, Friday no kitty, Saturday no Kitty and I asked my sister if she had fed the kitty and she said she had not seen the black one but had seen the gray Feral kitty eating. ( Zen's mom)
Today I stopped by and there was a little food in the dish but no mama feral kitty. Feral cats have a very short life, but since this one didn’t have to cross the street and had several places to hid and sleep in the area I thought it would have up to 5 years of existence and I felt a spiritual connection to it, I don’t know why, I suppose because it would be nice to have two cats so my current Lord of the Estate would have a companion, but my lord has indicated that this will not happen.
The mama cat feral will probably show up once she hears my mom’s voice, but if she joined the universe, then it is fate, and for what ever it is worth she brought joy into my parents life, my life and the kitties brought a warm feeling to whom ever held them.
I feel sadness not so much for the cat mama feral, because we never really had a connection, but because I am taking a much needed vacation and My kitty will be staying at a kitty hotel which will cost as much as the rental car because how do I justify not getting the absolute best accommodations for kitty including a kitty connection where I can call Kitty and they will hold the phone up to the kitty so he can hear my voice, which 3 years ago I would have said are you F#$%ing kidding me, that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of, but now I have a guilt complex.
I considered getting a nice room and driving and taking the cat with me , but if for some reason the cat escaped and got loose I would be suicidal. So Kitty hotel, extra TLC care, pet insurance, outside shots for an inside cat, I’m down like 500.00, 275 for the rental car to go exploring , 500.00 for the train (I’m a romantic at heart) to san diego.
A big trip to see how my sister and niece lives, I’m stressed because I will miss some of the goals I set for work, and I wasted the last three weeks doing nothing when I could have cleaned the apt, finished moving from 18 months ago, I need to finish photographing my stuff so the rental insurance I bought will cover, ( I expect the worst in life).
I’ve packed my daily stuff and I am too paranoid to use the big bag because I am afraid Amtrak will lose it because I have to switch to a commuter train in LA so I have three bags including my laptop to cram enough stuff for 7 days plus the C-pap machine, and I am freaking that something will go wrong at both ends like a apt fire which destroys everything I own insurance or no insurance and an earthquake will destroy California as the train pulls into LA. Never mind I get weirded out by the number of unemployed I see, the homeless begging for change to use for food, shelter, and drugs, the total psychos I see on TV convinced that a health care program will turn us into communists, make Soylent Green a reality, and see strange looking people on TV screaming that their country is going down hill never mind they are likely on SSI which is a socialist program

I really need this vacation

just after coming home from the clinic

PS Zen disappeared Valentine's day 2017
A good kitty who gave me my daily moment of Zen

Meeting Zen August 9, 2009

My folks left on Aug 1 for a trip and I stopped by to get the mail and feed the feral mama kitty and the inside Cat, and the Feral mama cat didn’t run and watched me refill the food and top off the water dish. I am always fascinated by watching animals eat and drink water, I don’t know why, it is a moment of tranquility in which they exist a fragile moment of the existence of conscience which end with the slightest of movement or strange noise. I watched him eat for 4 days after which he would lie on the concrete or lawn chair and I would leave. She was a no show Thursday but the dish was empty, I filled it to the brim, Friday no kitty, Saturday no Kitty and I asked my sister if she had fed the kitty and she said she had not seen the black one but had seen the gray Feral kitty eating. Today I stopped by and there was a little food in the dish but no mama feral kitty. Feral cats have a very short life, but since this one didn’t have to cross the street and had several places to hid and sleep in the area I thought it would have up to 5 years of existence and I felt a spiritual connection to it, I don’t know why, I suppose because it would be nice to have two cats so my current Lord of the Estate would have a companion, but my lord has indicated that this will not happen. The mama cat feral will probably show up once she hears my mom’s voice, but if she joined the universe, then it is fate, and for what ever it is worth she brought joy into my parents life, my life and the kitties brought a warm feeling to whom ever held them. I feel sadness not so much for the cat mama feral, because we never really had a connection, but because I am taking a much needed vacation and My kitty will be staying at a kitty hotel which will cost as much as the rental car because how do I justify not getting the absolute best accommodations for kitty including a kitty connection where I can call Kitty and they will hold the phone up to the kitty so he can hear my voice, which 3 years ago I would have said are you F#$%ing kidding me, that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of, but now I have a guilt complex, I considered getting a nice room and driving and taking the cat with me , but if for some reason the cat escaped and got loose I would be suicidal. So Kitty hotel, extra TLC care, pet insurance, outside shots for an inside cat, I’m down like 500.00, 275 for the rental car to go exploring , 500.00 for the train (I’m a romantic at heart) to san diego. A big trip to see how my sister and niece lives, I’m stressed because I will miss some of the goals I set for work, and I wasted the last three weeks doing nothing when I could have cleaned the apt, finished moving from 18 months ago, I need to finish photographing my stuff so the rental insurance I bought will cover, ( I expect the worst in life), I’ve packed my daily stuff and I am too paranoid to use the big bag because I am afraid Amtrak will lose it because I have to switch to a commuter train in LA so I have three bags including my laptop to cram enough stuff for 7 days plus the C-pap machine, and I am freaking that something will go wrong at both ends like a apt fire which destroys everything I own insurance or no insurance and an earthquake will destroy California as the train pulls into LA. Never mind I get weirded out by the number of unemployed I see, the homeless begging for change to use for food, shelter, and drugs, the total psychos I see on TV convinced that a health care program will turn us into communists, make Soylent Green a reality, and see strange looking people on TV screaming that their country is going down hill never mind they are likely on SSI which is a socialist program

I really need this vacation

just after coming home from the clinic

What a revolting development

First the DA update:
We were supposed to do her laundry, and I agreed to pay for it, as all her cash goes to…, well you know. Some merchants complained to the police and got a restraining order to keep her from panhandling on her property. One merchant went a step further and obtained her mug shot and wrote a description of her panhandling activities and titled it JUST SAY NO TO XXXXXXXX. Naturally this upset her so much she went right back there and resumed asking for money and now she was mailed a ticket.

I called this morning to she if she was ready and she asked for the money instead and said she does not need to do laundry. So instead of getting mad I dropped off the money, smokes, and cokes and when she asked for more I high tailed it out of there. Her freedom is not for long, which causes me a problem with the cat as I don’t have enough to get a place of my own let alone one that takes cats.

With the morning free and the house empty I go to the senior citizen center to download some podcasts since wifi is free

Last nights dream, or rather this mornings dream. I’m in a new apartment, I smell the paint and I’m signing the lease. A knock at the door and a woman I’ve know for years comes in with a clip board and she says she is there to inspect the apartment. I notice the woman look pretty much as she looked when I first met her. I haven’t seen her in years, and I haven’t really thought of her since her and her husband moved away.

We exchange pleasantries and she goes around checking things. A small closet has been converted to an atrium and there is a single chair on a sand box surrounded by rocks and desert plants. She asks the nature of the room and I tell her it is a Zen torture chamber. She giggles and I ask her what she has been up to. She says “I’m still an exhibitionist” which was a point of contention with her husband 20+ years ago. She removes her shirt and I’m about to ask her something and she stops me and says “ don’t ask, I’ve grown” (you know what I was going to ask, and for the record I’ve never seen her naked, but she wore the minimum of clothing back in the day. Her husband used to invite me over for a beer but I declined when he warned me that XXXXXX usually walked around naked, it kind of seemed like a penthouse letter, and while I don’t need the grief he often carried a gun on his hip, which is enough to keep me away)
She removes the rest of her clothing and finishes inspecting the house, and we talk about old times and I try to ignore looking at her, I look away and she now has four breasts. My inner voice says “come on dude, four breasts?” and I wake up.

Pretty strange dream, wasn’t all that erotic, it was more matter of fact nakedness. Wonder what it means, get a new place, get a new life, spend time in a zen garden with a naked ex-hippie? Who knows?