happy 21st to the namesake

February 6, 2008

Happy birthday to my niece and namesake, who turned 21 today and who just called from a bar in San Diego. Seems like yesterday I was babysitting and changing her diaper, getting away with giving her 5 bucks. Wish I cold be tossing a few with her, but she is with her mom fulfilling a prophecy her mom made 21 years ago. I’m glad it worked out.


Got my ashes at 6-30 this morning following a phone call from Gf at 4; 30 making sure I stop by before mass to drop off her supplies, following my staying up late to watch election results.

Got my allergy shot today around lunch and I went home and took a ½ hr nap

US 2-Mexico 1 sounds like a raucous crowd

Week two 2008 in script (not really)

So like I got on the scale cause (excuse me the cat wants attention, I put a feather n his nose and he is going crazy) I noticed my pants are tight and I have gained back 7 lbs over the holidays, not a lot and I know it is due to the sugar I have consumed during the course of the holidays. The hard fought dedication to avoiding sugar and the dreariness of the weather combined with my internalizing of the anger rising plus the many purchasing of little bottles of booze must have has a lot to do with the weight piling on, but can one really blame the booze, sugar without the indictment of fast food, (or fast fat as the weird or semi weird guy with the blank sandwich board on the corner yells into a bottomless super gulp cup substituting for a megaphone, although on reflection, if it actually amplifies the voice or resonates it, not is become an megaphone? Flammable though it may be, or not be) Fast food seems cheap but when you add it up it is really quite expensive. I get too internally depressed from pointless tasks at work to do much except take care of the cat and watch TV washing the only dishes I need at the moment, due to the availability of an oven for the first time in 7 years I have been feasting on frozen pizzas adding my own toppings in a misbegeiled attempt to make it seem like an accomplishment or endeavor, or the fantasy that” I am the pizza man” crafting exotic but tasty pies of pizza nature that would enthrall the taste buds of the most discriminate pallet or indiscriminate mouth of hungry worshipers, alas no it is crust barely above cardboard, sauce fortified by sugar, dehydrated meats and extras cut from the cows that survived the initial slaughter house, only to stagger into the abyss known as “off market meats”, a term so divisive in nature, so utterly descriptive, the mere mention that such products placed be in pet food would start off protests, riots, congressional hearings, boycotts and a war of words on the internets suggesting vegetarian meal for carnivores, the inhumane treatment of meats designed for human use, but no discussion of such products designed for frozen meals, because no admits to eating frozen pizzas, they will admit to Ramen noodles because of the romantic notion of meals available after the rent is paid or the end of the month awaiting the next payday or care package from home like a 7 yr old Christmas eve, anxious to see if he got the bike he wanted, because the bike represents freedom, a chance to ride like the wind and journey beyond the view of the domicile, a step toward independence while retaining the notion of a save haven or roof, the lack thereof is a major source of fear in these united states, a reality in most of the world.
500 words

First Week 2008

Ok
I haven’t lost any gained weight since the 1st month after I started testing my blood. Can’t stay from the sugar, but I have avoided the hooch for a week and the same with the smokes. I still have remained hateful in my attitude, but am trying to remain light. The big push is a coming and I am still fat. I have not slept well in a few days, but it is work related. The cat has finally jumped to the hightst level possible. Now he can land on a couch but it is harder to get there. His pervious spot was easier to get to but I think the landing was harder. He still likes his pampering early in the morning and that is when I brush him. I also brush him when I get home. He moves to whatever room I’m at and watches me before dozing off in one of his favorite places. It is late and I am tired.

dreary sunday

So I’m working on the PC without the power cord and I discover that the battery is only good for like 45 minutes. I’ve tried to find a way to get the creative juices going, and the cat doesn’t want to play pull or wrassle and I am too tired to play light. Watching the cat prowl around but not finish the fight is disturbing until I realize that now the cat wants to wrassle and I am bleeding, I’m not bleeding badly, but there is some pain involved, not a lot mind you, but I am marked, not marked permanently mind you but enough to go over 100 words. The Simpson’s made no f’ing sense and King of the Hill is dumber than normal, and I can change the channel because the cat is lying on the remote

New Year, SOS

Normally I don’t make resolutions, but try to focus on improvements I can make. This year goals need to be made

1. Test blood every day
2. No smoking, take rest of Medication
3. No sugar
4. Early to bed
5. Organize paperwork at home and work
6. Be positive, don’t make others uncomfortable
7. Vacumn at least every other day to get cat hair
8. Wash all dishes, not the ones I need
9. Keep contact with loved ones
10. Focus on the task at hand


And walk every day at least 15 minutes

Philosophize later

Tis a Friday and I have no one to talk to

It’s a Friday afternoon and it is cold outside and I am torn between buying a nip or two and smokes. I should no smoke, as it is bad for me. I am paying 60.00 a month so I lose the cravings. The end of the year is up there is something about starting anew. I smoke until the end of the year, and I have an end point. I quit now and I have an end point. My latest idea for science is to get a military haircut and se how long it takes to grow 4 inches. Juvenile you say? As I reach he zenith of my professional life I find that I have neither the ability nor the inclination to progress my self further, attempts at motivation, whether is be by the self or newly promoted almost invite contempt at my discretion, valor has no place among the cowardly, but is the essence of shelter until retirement achieved outweighs a life let lost, but spirits imbibed.

Motivation must be more than a few words, mocked outwardly but admired inwards. Where is the rope to attach, the hook to grapple, the ladder to climb? I could say It lies within, a lie indeed. The sun sets at dusk, the lips meet bottle soon after. I see the loss of the will, the cards of well meaning providing.

End of the year

He end of the year is approaching and tomorrow is the last scheduled day I have to work until the 2nt I may have to put in some time this weekend to get ready for the onslaught of expectations before the audit due date of the 15th. A coworker left for greener pastures today and before he left he was called in for what I thought was an exit interview but one of the big cheeses asking for an explanation on the most basic of reconciliations. Such is life at ***. I’m watching ID4 and watching the cat out of the corner of my eye preparing FOR ATTACK, ( which he just did) I remember ing watching ID4 when it came out at an old big theater, which no longer exists, it was very exciting at the time. The movie looks a little hokie but it is still fun to watch and I can forget the plot holes. But time for the news because I left work the fire alarm went off, (I didn’t hear it, but I got a phone call to see if it made the news, .it hasn’t so back to work)

The climatic scene is happening and the comic relief inside the alien mother ship. I’ve just realized that this has extra scenes, which bum me out because they should title the movie as having deleted scenes. The dialog is really bad at the end, but its an old movie. 11-12 years ago. Exercise over.

Elements of frustration

I admit I am not an easy person to deal with; this is more prevalent the longer I’ve known you and the nature of the dispute. Today I took Gf for her x-mas haircut, and today was the last day to do it before the end of the year. I have been trying for two weeks to get her to do it, but she wasn’t ready, (she was metaphorically high). Today she was mentally prepared and was in between activities. She got her haircut and despite my warning not to ask for shampoo, she did. She asked in a manner in front of the stylist that made me look like an ass for saying no. She then said” put it on the credit card” and to give a big tip.

She was girlishly happy, I should have let it go, but she has a LONG history of upping the ante, if you promise to take her shopping for a case of coke, she tried for two cases and waits until we’re in the store to do it. Her PU calls it hustling, and most of it can be explained to her SA. She has no progressed mentally from 17, and it is infuriating.

I agree to the shampoo, and then she said she needed the conditioner. I told her it would be cheaper to go to wallgreens. Nevertheless, I didn’t want to make a scene. I paid for it and we left. I expressed my displeasure and she went into her usual stanza of ‘”don’t ruin a nice thing” In the span of a 5 minute car ride, I reminded her of how ugly she feels, I rin any good feelings she has, how cheap I am (which she corrects when she remembers how much I do for her) and I’ve ruined Christmas. I think she will take the items back and continue her SA tonight. It will be my fault. I don’t think it helped when I told her to “fuck off’, but I’m tired of it. I’m tired of planning to spend time with her and once she gets what she wants, she is too tired to see me.

God bless us everyone.

hats off the Big Bill H

So like I had the geek squad configure my computer and they told me that they did the best they could and no refunds. I have dial up because I reall don't do anything except read newspapers and various sites. I had no Wifi. I had Offers to fix for 200.00 and 2 days. old friend asks for a shot and fixes it in 10 minutes

neat

Christmas is a coming and the family wants cash

November 25th


The long weekend is over; the expected snow fall was but a tracing. The cold weather meant the use the heater for the first time. The cat with an ordinary name (tcwaon) lies on the new bed stretching, and finding any excuse to climb on the laptop, make a plea for attention, and block the screen. Tcwacon is a beautiful kitty who has had a pretty easy life for a house cat, but had bad company prior to moving in with me.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that I have been 250 for a month and I have taken to the drink and fresh smoked Alaskan tobacco. My BS has been in the 120’s when I do do it. The three time I checked this weekend it was about 180. Now it is at 159. I’m listening to my random music files and it appears that Cwacon likes jazz but not the Beach Boys.

The sleepy time is about here and Gf is at her games, so I must return service
The game must be played, and played correct if it is to be played. It is 10:20 and there is no zero hour.

November 16th was a day to forget in 2000, it was the last for JFF or LJ as he was known. He had his last night of sadness, when he saw that he could not go on, he put his beloved 9mm against his temple and joined the universe.

12:45 to Kitty Land

I may acquire a cat, I currently have joint custody of a cat in the sense that I pay for the food and medical and when GF lets me see her I play with the kitty. GF is still using, and despite she has gone through several houses and apts she can’t keep people from coming over and spoiling her gig. Despite getting an allowance to allow her to use without stealing, she still shoplifts crap and does (well you know trades) stuff with it. Having been banned from several supermarkets, restaurants, and small shops, she has apparently gotten caught at the only place close to her. Despite being warned (she has two current cases under review) she can’t help herself.

I often wonder if it were possible to create walled zones for addicts and let them use, share, and if they are careless OD on their own. Crime in the streets would drop, shoplifting would go away, and loved ones would be under some protection and we could sleep nights without wondering what news the next call would be?

GF almost has that now but may need a couple of months stretch to dry out and learn yet another lesion, and I will face expensive phone bills. I’ve found almost 100 letters from her previous stays (They closed my apt building to renovate but the unwanted were prevented from going to other places, I like this place a lot but it is smaller)

Soundtrack is pulling teeth and whiplash

Funky looks awful

I was feeling pretty bad about myself and this summer gone by until I saw what Tom B. did to Funky Winkerbean. He looks worse than Bull.

On vacations, drug busts and no nuts

May 29, 2007

I didn’t realize it had been so long. A lot has happened.
My PU’s have left for Spain for an extended stay. N2 graduated from high school and it was special, I was very proud and it was fun to see all the kids who stuck it out and went to an alternative HS instead of dropping out. Any student who wants to speak can do so and the speeches were very moving as I could tell they felt a real sense of accomplishment. Anyway I told N2 that a diploma is worth a C-note, a GED is worth 40.00. It was well worth it but now she feels that there is no choice for the future. I remember the feeling.

Gf whose life was spinning out of control, messed up big time had her house raided as a drug house and was arrested. The police found only trace amounts so she will likely do very little time, but the possibility still exists she could do time as she has numerous nuisance charges. I’m hopeful she will get treatment.

But when the police raided the house they knocked out the door and her dad has to perform several repairs before the house is deemed suitable, In addition Gf and friends spray painted one of the rooms with comments the would only seem funny if you were using. It also made it look like a crack house. I got Kitty and had him neutered and he is staying with me now wearing a collar, I took a couple of days off to clean up paperwork, but since Kitty was not used to the house he kept me up and gets into everything, and I used this excuse to essentially do nothing although I only got creamed one night. The landlord loves cats and gets along with me and said I could keep the cat here until the 11th unless there is a problem. SO this isn’t the end, hopefully Kitty will be ok by himself and he will not make too much noise at night if I go to bed early and get up early. I pray there will be no complaints.

A few days after my PU’s left S1 was visited by someone who offered to put in a security system for a special price that was good only for a few days, a con right? Well S1 tells them that the owners of the house will be gone for a month. At least she called to tell me, so I call S2 to have her move the cars (since she has the keys) and apparently she took one of PU’s cars and didn’t leave another car, S1 calls S2 demanding the car come back or else. I get two phone calls each one screaming at me that the other one is a @#&^%. I pray nothing happens or there is a wreck because my parents will flip as they are not happy with any of us.

I have gained a bit of weight and my BS has been between 120-185, that is bad, I dread going to work because I really don’t like being there and don’t like what I’m doing. I have a fear that I will get the job I bid on because I have no faith in my abilities.

I will try to be positive, work thing out as they happen. I tend to make a big deal out of stuff and spin scenarios that are so implausible they belong on an episode of “LOST”.

IF you read this wish me luck with the kitty
He has his collar on and has been sleeping except for an hour when he needed some attention and I scratched and petted him, cats really are a form of calming mediation.

HBD to the old man and interview with a curse

May 9, 2007

Today is the old man’s birthday he was born in 35 so it makes him 72 , which used to sound old but it doesn’t sound so old now that I am 46.

Gf is seeing the PO which is strange because as far as I know she hasn’t coped to anything although despite once having a good intellect will sign anything to make it go away, which once cost her a year and almost everything she owned or valued. I am waiting to see what happens. On Friday she took a vow of sobriety, on Saturday she said she still had 3 days. I worked on Saturday and Sunday and we had plans to meet Sunday afternoon. She looked like she had been using all night long and apparently she had been. I reminded her of the letter I sent Friday that she said made her realize she needed to be in treatment and she wanted to detox, which takes three days. I went home and she called and said I was right and that first thing Monday she would go do it. Well she didn’t and said all the things addicts say, which isn’t really important because if you have been through dealing with an addict you love then you know what the story is.

So she conned her dad out of $$$ to get it out of her system, but yesterday thought that maybe it be best if she fesses up to the PO or whomever she has to talk to and go from there which is what I told her to do. She may get out of it since she has a 70% chance of skating on everything.

Lunch for now is over.
Tonight is Lost
Got call from dad saying he like my birthday message to him ( I sang HBTY)
He said he feels old and When I told him he has 20 years he told me he didn’t want to live that long.

When is a interview not an interview

May 2, 2007

Damn 6 days since last post, much has happened some good some not so good
I put my meal to nuke and I think it will caramelize and open a hole to another universe.

Interview

After I made arrangements for an early interview Monday so I could go from the allergy shot, straight to the interview, I got a call that had me move the interview from Monday to Tuesday. I dusted off the Interview/Funeral suit, downloaded everything I could find out about the agency and studied a bit. I made a trial run to find the place, and it is easy to find. It is in a residential neighborhood behind a car dealership but has the illusion of being secluded. It looks like is has no place being there.

The Interview started out ok, the woman kept smiling but the man seemed aggressive and after I described what my experiences were, he kind of told me what the job entailed as though I had gotten the job and he was letting me know in no uncertain terms what was expected. We talked about the accounting system and I told him that I had worked with several and with a little training (I would get one month) I could manage it. Apparently since it is so small I would handle all financial aspects except for H/R. The woman seemed friendly and I think I handled her questions, but the gentleman seemed perturbed and I gathered from his explanation on how important it is to be there, and that some people abused their sick leave to the point, when they needed it they were SOL and took LWOP. I offered to show my leave balances twice but he said it was none of his business. Curious enough though, I don’t think I had a chance from the beginning, and they may have someone in mind. But I could be wrong; I’m replaying the whole thing in my head. Luckily on of my references worked there and I brought up her name in the sense that I got a heads up on what they do.

Lunch over, I need to post a card for my grandma who is over 90




May 8, 2007

Lost train of thought and haven’t written, had a plan but lost the Idea
Back to the interview, after thinking about it, they didn’t ask a lot of questions or have me sign the standard release of information. Talked to contact and she confirmed that he is a bit hostel, he is a rancher and thinks that smoking is a sign of weakness. If I am asked for a second interview I will feel him out some more, but it is unlikely because I am sure he has some one in mind.

Was asked a noncense question about a group we used to belong to by a buddy, it was fun and it wasn’t organized but when something weird happened e would say “Well we must consult the ***** about it.

The questioned concerned what the ***** would say about my predicament


From: Musings of a fat man
Sent: Monday, May 07, 2007 1:46 PM
To: old friend
Subject: RE: an';krtg'kn atrp
I have consulted the Great One
and I must take the four steps of realization

1) Organization-eliminate any useless paper, everything including toilet paper, I must also purchase a large sponge for the bathroom
2) Conversation-Look within one self and tape or write a 2 hour interview with my self, the questions must be written, four copies mailed to the four corners of the world and mailed back, the envelopes given to a Philatelist.
and the contents destroyed, the original is read on tape and I must respond to the questions. The video tape is then to be sent to Eric Cartman of South Park, CO for analysis
3)Conservation- I must conserve energy but drinking heavily for one week and sleeping the rest of the time while listening top the entire Pink Floyd Catalog over and over
4) realization- I must realize that nothing can stop me but my self. I must take a scientific approach to weight loss, healthy environment and healthy thinking, change my lifestyle, meet women who have make radical changes, and find those that believe they are now the elite, marry them and then dump all the negativity I have fostered as a chale on to them and become a happier person with someone else money


Upon further recollection I guess you had to be there.

Night

The Fat man and homeland security

April 26, 2007

Didn’t realize it had been this long, much has happened, my PU got into it with S2 over N2, and S2 basically told PU1 to [blank] off, and S2 called me and vented youthful frustrations that happened along time ago, as I don’t share S2 views exactly I didn’t argue, but expressed my concerns over long term effects

Anyway
Got creamed 4/20 and 4/21 was nonexistent, didn’t recover enough to eat until 11:00pm, BS was 96, Gf announced plans to come over but Gf never did, Gf was pretty out of it and still wants to avoid trial but wants to go directly to CS, but Gf may be stuck with the court ordered evaluation program. This means of course Gf may be subject to testing. Gf wants to come over to restore some normalcy but as I explained in my last letter to her I don’t feel a connection anymore all Gf wants is laundry, cokes, a deep deep nap, and then with the excuse that kitty will be scared and she has to go, so when Gf didn’t make it, I felt more relief than anxiety.

Finally got license renewed, I got a hold of the Secretary of state office that deals with this and I faxed copy of passport, SSI card, and current license on Friday, and a statement that I had never driven in the state, I tried the local offices and was told ‘Tough Beans” there is nothing I could do and some a-hole at the MVD suggested I contact the officer that issued the ticket, Unf***ing believable.

End lunch

I called the SOS and they got the fax and they even called me when they sent the fax, I got my license but the hold wasn’t removed. I keep the fax in the pouch with the registration. Homeland security at work.

I have an interview with violent crime reparations; D used to work there and said it is a good place to work. My lack of confidence tells me the job is beyond me; my lack of interest at work will get me into trouble. I had a few pops last night and sleep was not provided. I am tired, and LOST reaffirms that I should had tried to be a writer in college.




We thought we could do it
We thought we were immortal
I knew the signal
But chose to ignore it
I hoped for success
But did nothing to achieve it
The failure was mine,
but your to share
(sidebar: I just saw a show about a penis fish, god am I patheric)

Deadlines in abstenia

April 19, 2007

Man when it rains it pours
Bsugar last night 103
This morning 120
I have no Idea what that means

Ok lets vamos a boogie
Had lunch with S2 and gave money to obtain tickets from S2 acquaintance, nice lunch we caught up a bit and discussed S2 plan to go away and start over N1 will be going along as well. N2 will be staying behind and we discussed how life will change for N2.

I get call that N1 is looking for a cosigner on auto loan and I remember that age, and what happens when you essentially work for the car, and very often you fail and cosigner has to bail out young person. You see it all the time on Judge Judy. S2 got in fight with N2 and threw her out despite age status. N2 is almost legal and was forced to move in with her SO despite age difference and the way SO treats her. PU’s can’t take her in because they can’t deal with teenagers and N2 is very sullen, depressed and gets high al the time. N2 has no job and I’m afraid will turn out mean. I can’t help and S2 is enjoying new life far too much and I fear N2 will get used when S2 leaves. S2 has always been depressed and when I was in between apartments I stayed with them so I could find a decent place, and we bonded big time, N1 and I have been close in a different way and always will, but I’ve always felt bad for N2.

Gf has a chance to enter program to avoid trial and wants to not go to program because they test and she couldn’t pass a 24 hr test at present, if found guilty she will get CS. Tough choice, get clean and live or pick up trash until the next time. Last nights SP was about asking for change and while it was is usual irreverent self if there was a point, it went over my head. Have to check the net. This is what my Gf was doing when she got the ticket.

At least I am still one fat SOB

Nighttime

Its time to renew my license before the grace period, so I took some time of from work and I tried the state MVD but it doesn’t take plastic unless a kiosk is used, Tried to do it but my license came back as expired. I went to a clerk and she said I have to go to the window, but they don’t take plastic at the window. I went to an “Express’ where you pay 18 bucks for the privilege, and the clerk there tells me that someone in a state far away has a ticket with the same name and birth date and they put a hold on it. I have to call a number to get a fax but I’m wondering if the ID is being used by someone else, the ssi number isn’t the same, but WTF, I’m wondering how long is this gonna take. How do I get a waiver, how much time do I have to take off work?

Call from Gf, of course there is a knock at the door, and I can hear the person yelling about some emergency, oh the drama


The Promise made was not what it seems
When illuminated by the sunbeams

Time to post

cops and the blood level

April 17, 2007

Lunch 11:00am
Gf had court this morning and the cop showed up, and Gf forgot her paperwork. The judge ordered her a PD and sent her to a different court because of her mental state (I’m sure she put on quite a show without meaning to). The judge she was sent to is the same one that sent her to jail because she refused a lawyer and insisted on pleading guilty and pissed off the judge, she got 6 months. She told me later that she told the judge she wanted to get it over with. Well he did.

32 dead, one suicide 15 injured no word on the extent of the injuries. The shooter is a student. There has been a lot said, written, and blogged and a lot of hand wringing, prayers, calls for gun control, calls for more armed people. It never ends, it happens every time there is a shooting. What I find unbelievable is that some people believe that “an armed society is a polite society” while I can understand the point made, if everyone was armed there would be more shootings as people lose their temper and instead of screaming they be shooting. It all doesn’t make any sense, it never does. Texas recently reduced the limits on concealed handguns, NM did as well but NM has pretty liberal rules. It has been said that an individual could walk down the street with a shotgun over his shoulder and while the police would probably stop him and check him out there is nothing they could do about it. At least people will stop talking about Imus for a while, but they will also forget Iraq where soldiers got the good news that they get another 3 months in country.

My blood sugar has been up lately, I need more friendly snacks as I have a low fat bologna sandwich about 9:00 and my blood sugar in the morning was 154. It was 103 the day before (6:00 am) and other than I didn’t eat because I got creamed. Nothing was different

Little Foghat live, I remember when they were kings of the summer concert tour, and a pack of smokes was 40 cents

Lunch today was brought to you by two coke zero, green apple and 290 calorie Lean Gourmet-Glazed Chicken, Bfast composed of sugar free energy beverage and two Bfast burritos from McDonalds accompanied by Gf who had a mcgriddle.
Lunch over

Eve of insanity

April 13, 2007
I missed a day because I was really busy and I forgot to put the laptop in the car, I think I ate strawberries and read a magazine for lunch but I can never be sure because my memory is suspect unless I have something to trigger it.

Looks like I am going to see the concert after all, only going to cost me and my niece 112.00. Blood test was 140wednesday as I recall and 120 yesterday.

I ate cowboy stew a quart of strawberries, banana, and an Angus burger from BK
It is probably a lot but I got really frustrated with Gf on her inability to get the simplest things done and her DU and Dfriends which is killing her and any last real chance to become human, if it wasn’t for the cat I’d stay away but she hasn’t gotten the at its chip nor fixed yet (for free) and if gets any kind of jail time (since she won’t take the trouble to get a PD) what will happen to the cat not to mention the people who will break into her house and use there.
Break over

April 16, 2007
Lunch, much has happened
Imus is gone (for now)
Gf is messing with her freedom, and the Kat will suffer, she wants teeth pulled and it is for pain meds, one last big blow out before she sleeps through her court date.
I sent her a letter which I will post her at the end, in which I laid out exactly what I think. I accented it by getting absolutely creamed Friday night, and it took all day Saturday to recover. Stupid I wasn’t sick but I felt as though I did damage to my body, this is as you know much worse than a hangover. Anyway I don’t know what I will do If she gets any jail time, she don’t answer the phone and I know her friends will break in while she is gone and destroy what little she has. She has had over a month to take care of a ticket and she doesn’t get it.

This morning over 30 were killed at Virginia Tech, from early reports the shootings started early and continued hours later. One account had the gunman lining up people against a wall and executing them.

One thing that really bugs me is that there is no headline news radio feed so I don’t have to listen to talk shows and listen to their propaganda, “NRA all the WAY” or “Take ALL the GUNS”

I’m listening to a few Sex Pistols I found on my hard drive

I’m getting psyched for the heaven and hell tour plus Megadeth. It will be truly awesome, which is something I can’t say for Ozzy. To get first crack at the codes to get free tickets you gotta buy his new cd, which is fine I suppose since I would anyway, but the CD don’t ship out for another month and tickets not available until June.


I thought it was possible, you said it was true
Blue eyed innocence draining from you
We never had a chance
To pursue the romance
In the end it not was to be
For you and me
All that remains from the romantic hype
Is the crap left in your glass pipe




Lunch over


Hope to post later this evening

no morning glory and clapping for the I-Man

April 11, 2007
Wednesday
Morning break
One of the things I don’t like about my self is that I have very little patience; I hate waiting for the computer to power up and load what ever it is loading up. It only takes a few minutes but some idea may be inside my head and by the time I am ready to strike I get frustrated and I’m sure my BP goes up

Work is really strange as we all are trying to adjust to the new procedures brought on the change to a central accounting system and shortage of staff and the super is standing firm on accounting sections only doing accounting and all other details left to the section that used to hand them on to us.
The break is already over, because of various reasons I have lunch today at 11:30-12:30
Lunch
Yum yum, lunch today is kiwi and strawberries, I bought them this morning and they taste a little frozen, I need to do this myself and learn to prepare bfast and lunch for the next day instead of rushing in the morning. I currently smoke cigarettes and watch mindless TV, like Lost where tonight the story of why a fertility doctor is important, is the island making women sterile? How do the others know everyone’s story? What up with Hurley what is his story? And don’t give me the Cheech millionaire story.

Semi frozen kiwi aren’t half bad, I’m listening to a bad copy of a Megadeth performance at Woodstock, it taken from someone near the stage or from the TV and it is obvious the board wasn’t done right. So I switch to “Obscured by clouds” by PF which is an album I actually had a very long time ago when I bought it as an album, before CD’s, digital music, and enforceable marijuana laws.
The rest of the populace is about to take their lunch, and I am interested to see how many are taking advantage of the rebuild of the cafeteria, it looks like a coffee shop/diner except everything is out of vending machines People are even getting rid of the magazines and books they don’t want and people are taking breaks down here. I still think it is a weeding out process to formally ban anyone from taking their lunch at their desk and eat there or serf the net but what can you say, the council for the blind who by statue have control of all cafeterias contracts and food vending. (Ah a little Meddle like one of these days)
To much Kiwi is not a good thing, this cannot have been meant for one person, but for like a luncheon or a family. The strawberries are huge and not very sweet, maybe I’m used to the “enhancement” of flavored strawberries. (Now a little Sam).

Riding on the endless stream of youth, I overlooked with amusement the old man at the end of the road, when I reached the end the old timer looked familiar, I paused and asked who he was and where I was. It wasn’t so funny when I told him he was on the wrong road, and he was my mailman.

I miss Sam; I wonder what he might have made of the current war, would Bush have ever been elected? Too funny for words.

Well Imus is gone, at least from MSNBC for now. I feel bad for him but I think he can recover. He always said his show was about reveling in the misery of others, and all those he mocked have been waiting for a chance to get him. They are piling on, which is America’s favorite sport

Blood sugar in a hour

The rise of Bauer and the fall of a cowboy

Bauer kicks ass

Another day another morning in the glory, morning break and I’m glad the vending machines make lots of noise because there is a meeting going on and it sounds important, far too important to have it in the break room, but meeting room space is at a premium.

Last night 24 really floored me, from fake terrorists, adrenalin junkie presidents, shootouts galore, classic one liners (let’s have fun, and say hello to your brother [which is taken from Die Hard]), hangings and evil Chinese agents holding blond girlfriends. It had everything.
Lunch
Finally figured to add the music transferred from my old computer to the laptop to media player, it makes for easier usage of the laptop.
More infighting from the floors below, My section used to handle all the paperwork concerning money, now that we don’t control the accounting system and have lost all key entry support (and we are 9 months behind) the new super is squawking over the duties that don’t involve cash and the sections are squawking over why they have to take over.

Got a call from DJ, he used to work here and made a big mistake that hurt his career, so he left and now he is high demand and he is offered positions and two agencies are in a bit of a bidding war, I advised him (Found my “Foghat”, … cool) to stay put a while because if another agency wants you so bad they are willing to throw money at you, you should assume things are really bad.

Megadeth is coming soon to support Black Sabbath with Dio, I want to go real bad but while I will cover niece 2 ticket I can’t afford to cover s2 and son, but I may have to dish it out. Bummer but WTF.

I have to use a counter because I was not quick enough to grab the one booth that has an outlet and the battery died, so the only other one is on a stool and my ass hurts because I am too heavy.

The spoken one hesitated a few moments before opening his eyes, he took in the warmth of the sun, almost basking in it like a baptismal. Clinching his fists tight he raised his arms in victory. The crowd stared and pointed, it was a victory they didn’t want to see.

Lunch over

Home again
Looks like Imus may be done, his only hope is that something else will happen, hopefully something positive will come out of the meeting with the BB team.
Blood sugar is 113 before meal

Work, blood test, Imus, and 24

Monday April 9, 2007

Its break time and I need to start spending time away from my desk, it is cold and rainy outside which is a perfect opportunity to avoid a short walk outside
My blood sugar was 158 this morning which is high (I guess) and I had a wonderful breakfast of 12 strawberries and an orange and sugar free flavored water. I am having a banana and a cherry zero right now It is hard to write on break cause it takes so long for the laptop to start up and there is a general cracking down on rules, which were never really followed before, like I never took my breaks before but would surf the news sites for headlines to read during lunch, cause I only have dial-up at home and cannot get the Wi-Fi to work. Break over
Lunch

Got a little advice from a diabetic which is helpful because I’m not totally freaked out but I am a little worried about how I let myself go physically, mentally and spiritually. I got completely creamed Friday because G was supposed to get a PD and she left a note on her door saying that there was an emergency and she was sorry. I made a bad decision to distance myself from her spiritually and got really (well you know). I didn’t eat Saturday because I was still recovering and I did manage to go out shopping and get my supplies but didn’t follow up on my laundry which I did not do until Sunday.

Sunday was Easter and I went to my parents as usual, my sisters were there with their boyfriends but niece one was working (she is a waitperson) and niece two spent the weekend at her boyfriend who lives in a small town 30 miles away and she couldn’t get a ride, but I suspect she partied the night before. But I did get the news she will graduate, which despite the collective intelligence of the family is a rarity as GED is a phrase well known.
The previous Friday or three days ago I stopped by my parents to show them my new blood test machine and to talk with my dad on how it works. It just so happened my dad was not in a good mood and after we chatted sister two called and my dad went on a rage that all he wants for Easter (I think he meant his B-day which is next month) is for the family to all go to church together. This is strange because sister one is a evangelical Christian, and sister two disavows all organized religion. Nieces are neither catholic nor religious (in face niece two is angry about something I cannot specify) and I consider myself catholic but don’t practice.
Much of the rage concerned his shame that people he knows all sit together with their children and grandchildren. My only comment was that at least we all don’t meet at the Jail for holidays to visit someone who broke the law. He didn’t comment but I should not have said that and let it go.
It is amazing that I have let my desire of nothingness to interfere with the people; who are close to me. I avoid human contact and people get tired of asking for a visit when I make lame excuses and they know that I am probably drinking or wallowing in self misery.

Pop culture item: Imus apologized this morning for insensitive remarks he made Wednesday, I think he is sincere, and very sorry but he is so out of touch with mainstream America that he didn’t realize that the derogatory comments he made were really hurtful to the Rutgers BB team. He forgot that a few years earlier he sent a kid home from his ranch for referring to a woman using the same term he used. The media is calling for him to be fired (he picks on everyone and they have been waiting for a mistake) and he is going on Al Sharpton to take the heat face on. He has much to lose, and I hope he learns and moves on.
Noon, time to check the news upstairs


Work is done
Watching 24, looks like the story finally returned to its roots
Imus is suspended, my E-mail was read over the air, I think he will learn the lesson of being humble, I hope he makes it through and they are not just using him for the radiothon.

24 just got really cool
bye

I always thought I was pretty sweet

Haven’t written in a while, nothing really wrong just lazy
Friday I got the results of my blood sugar

Fasting glucose---------100 (above 99 indicated pre-diabetes)
Total Cholesterol -------159 not bad I weigh 272 5’3, I feel bab for those people who work out all the time and still register over 250 (sort of)
Triglycerides 261--------Pretty high
HDL------------------33 I get to exercise, oh what fun
LDL----------------74 optimal id 70-100
A1C-----------------7.1 should be below 6

So I get to test my sugar levels once a day

More later

The bombing is over

The 6 bombings since last post may have worked, no bed bugs sighted in 3 weeks.
My ears leak, I dropped 20 lbs but smoke a carton a week, my jobs bites so much and aside from leaving 2007 will be a very long year. The hired Gov. lawyer reacted to a simple question like I was vermin. This reaffirmed my feelings about her stupid comments during a sexual Harassiment awareness class 10 years ago. I really hate it when government employees with a tital act like it is IBM corporate structure. I actually believe she was offended when I interupted her oatmeal and I was not important enough to ask her anything. I'd make a wish that her hair would fall out, but it looks like it happened

Bedbugs, PC tubes, the Modem and Me

A friendly neighbor brought in 1000 bedbugs, complaint to Apt manager and acts surprised when his blanket is moving, (all this the day he moves in), the blanket is thrown out, but reappears on his bed except tha the guests have moved.

my apt bombed and sprayedm still hve stuff in plastic bags
but no bugs, this waas in Sept.

3 weeks ago I wok up with hives and vampire marks all over my arms, next morning I catch them and find their new home under a sports blanket on my wall

the hives trigger alergies and I lost 50% of hearing

more plastic bags, two sprayings, throw out all bedding, blankets, pillows, and sports blanket

Add two painful PC tubes (they cut hole in eardrum and place "T" shaped tube, to drain and equalize pressure the PC stands for pressure control), a working modem but now the wi-fi doesnt work. damn you geek squade

no new bugs but any twitch wake ms up and a search and destroy mission to fined even one!!!!!

bed bugs explode if touched like a CSI episode, cool.....

tomorow is halloween

excuse the spelling I have only minutes to post

Life in the carnival - News

In 1978 I worked as a carny for 2 weeks during the State Fair
Met lots of very nice and interesting people
thought someone might like a College news story



Life in the carnival - News

What up with the modem?

Still learning the LP but the free wireless leaves much to be desired, and the modem will not connect. Something is wrong inside the wall and I cannot afford to fix it. I will have to go the long route and pay for broadband. Can not really afford it, but it is inevitable .

Long day at work, tried the first deposit in the new accounting system, and I think I got it but I had to call DG who must have been laughing because we are so far behind. Still don’t know how it was done, and don’t know if it is right.

Friday tomorrow and I have the weekend to clean out the Apt., spoke to gf and she is still sorry for what happened, but it will take a while to forgive and forget.

Need a proper chair.

I am wireless

Well I finally went out and bought a new computer, I went with a lap top because It takes up much less space and my 1999 version was running out of room. It is very much like using a computer for the first time because the controls are very different. Just typing is strange because I don’t have a proper table and I have to curve my hands like I did in typing class 30 yrs ago.

But I have access to free wireless internet…….Cool

where did the summer go

Computer problems and lazyness prevented blogs
I have a new laptop that the geek squad has had for 3 days now trying to back up and transfer data from the old computer to the new one

I have a bad feeling they cant do the task or they put a new guy onit and it didn't work

also I submitted a question to Ask a Mexican and he replied that he will answer in a few weeks

cool huh

OZZFEST WAS AWESOME

ozzfest was pretty good
Ol'd ozzy ended showing up and it went well
more later

In memory of Chris

I received news that a second cousin, Chris, was killed by a drunk driver in San Francisco. I didn’t know him, I remember him as a baby and a couple of years ago a couple of my uncles died and I me him briefly. Such is a policy of isolation, drinking and gluttony.

He was very young early 20’s, very bright future ahead of him. I’m saddened because there is nothing really to say, no words of wisdom or a phrase I can comfort his mom (my first cousin). It isn’t enough to say it is a waste of a promised life, or how fragile life is and you have to make every moment because there are no guarantees.

Life is short. Period.

A tragic death that will devastate a family, leave a hole that cannot be filled. A hole that prayers cannot answer.

I know there is a lesson here, but it really doesn’t matter right now.

I'm still here

I'm GOING TO OZZFEST
when there is a will there is a way
or I got lucky

haven't posted cause internet access is restricted but the whole system crashed and the firewalls are down, thank god for dial up

And Ozzy will be there
hope they don't restrict cameras

General Direction lacking

March 13-15

03/13
I’m winding down from a very long weekend and I’m watching the Soprano’s and I see that I weigh more than Tony Soprano and he thinks he is huge he is 282 and 6’1”
I am 284 and 5’31/2” (got to get that half inch in there [which is something I hear all the time {snort}])

I got to admit I was surprised when Tony got shot but I should have seen it coming. Uncle Junior was getting more and more paranoid and with his mental facilities failing it is not surprising that he flipped and Forgot Tony was in the House. But I got to think his family and “FAMILY” would not have left someone watching him 24/7 let alone the police search the house for guns while he was under indictment. Men who lose their mental capacity tend to talk I would think that He would be under guard.

What surprises me is the notion that none of these men who live off of crime have a contingency plan for cash when they get busted. The supposed head of a crime family in NY is relying on his brother in law who is an optometrist to run things in the house hold.

Maybe crime doesn’t pay.

3/14

Stuff happened that I can not remember except I actually cleaned the kitchen and bathroom floors because they are spraying today and I didn’t want to wash off the bug spray and I shredded about 20 credit card applications some of them not in English from the same bank.

And this story off of the A/P


03/14
The reigning Miss Deaf Texas died Monday afternoon after being struck by a train, officials said, She won the state title in June and represented the state “with dignity and pride,” state pageant director Laura Loeb-Hill told the Associated Press via e-mail Monday night
( I left some stuff out because …, well it doesn’t really matter who she is, and I would
She graduated last year from the Texas School for the Deaf, attended Austin Community College and then started at Gallaudet University in Washington, D.C., in January, but had returned to Texas, Loeb-Hill said. (that makes me think it wasn’t an accident)
© 2006 The Associated Press. All rights
Last night after watching 24 and taking G home I took my meds (sleep apnea) and got ready for bed when my dad called and said I had one hour to get on to southwest.com (he repeated it like 6 times which doesn’t sound like a lot by have a conversation with someone about a web site and add in the “.com” every time and see if they don’t hit you with an ax about the 6th time) to get a plane reservation for three people and it has to be on the internet and his computer isn’t working right or something (he has a Pentium one) so I tried but I could get him there abut not back on requested day and he started flipping out and I felt like hitting my head with a ball peen hammer, and he didn’t want to hear about getting a new computer or giving me more than one hour and to be honest I don’ want to hear about paying for hi speed or cell phones but I am in the market but am un decided how I wand to spend about 2 grand. I may for right now go for an I pod to store my jpg files and what ever obscure music files I managed to download before Napster went off the air the first time.

3/15/06

Ides of March
Busier than hell
March madness tomorrow
I need sugar

Friday's post NO OZZFEST

Ozzfest may have let me down, they announced a few tour dates and the main stage is a band I’m not real familiar with. Every year Ozzfest had bands that I remembered from the start of non-hair band metal but with every passing year bands I’ve never heard of but enjoy come up. I just wish their vocals weren’t artificially distorted. I guess they are trying to sound like it is from internal psychological pain (I hope) or they are acting like the Devil herself.



My eternally depressed niece got her first job and I had a 10 minute discussion where she never said more than one word, “yes” ‘no” “Huh” “Maybe” and usually face to face we have a brief discussion but on the other hand I had those same kind of conversations with the older niece when she was 16 and now at 19 we actually have fairly active discussions about local topics but she is easily amused my age and POV. Much like all 19yrs olds and I was the same way with my old man and a couple of my uncles.



I’ve hit the wall physically, I am tired and it is an effort to stay upright. The day ends in a few minutes and I’ve been putting out a few fires but I am exhausted, I hope to write more tonight but it is hard to say

A oil Country saves Bush's ass again

Gotta have my sugar

In 11 hours Ozzfest 2006 will be released
But I need my sugar
I woke up late this morning and went to Wendy’s and tried another sandwich it was ok but not worth 3.50
The best way to lose weight may be in the preparation of meals, making menus instead of winging it.

Lately I’ve been bemusing my lot in life and while my current profession has no real meaning for me other than to delay workloads until I face several deadlines. It gives my the impetus to work hard to meet these deadline and I haven’t missed one yet but with the horizon filled with the rising sun of the switch over I may be on a fools errand.

I just learned that Dubai is giving up its mission to run US ports, thus saving Bush’s ass. It is appalling that this president is so weak that a tiny OPEC nation has to step in and come to his rescue.

America is losing its might, and it may be just as well. During the Cold War America had to stand up and face the nuclear threat of the Soviet empire. With the threat gone maybe we should take a step back, let Asia self destruct and hope the fallout doesn’t hurt too bad. If America ever learned how to harness cheap energy, then third world countries would be the only consumers the Middle East would have. With local and friendly countries production would be enough to satisfy our needs. We will always need oil. Older cars would not make sense to switch over and it would take decades to replace new cars for older cars and some people will hang on to the older cars, unless fusion suddenly happened, there be no way to retrofit old cars.

With Bush’s ass getting saved again, I’m hoping he will go away quietly, I’m not happy about the Patriot Act, but he has the votes and since he governs out of fear time once again to show my signature on E mails

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety" Ben Franklin

I really believe that and I know that the Government is spying on average citizens, as we have lost all semblance of privacy long ago. And I expect the Government to spy, lie, and export lives for their own Glory.

I really Believe Bush thought he would end up on money, that he would have been hailed as the savior of the earth from tyranny that he brought freedom to the world and everyone became Christians. I bet he wonders how it all went to hell, who to blame.

To see our leader clues and in the hands of a despot like the vice-president boggles the mind.

I wonder what more I could have done.
I hope to have good news about OZZFEST later

Can one truly be depressed if no one is happy?

Can one truly be depressed if no one is happy?

I don’t like the heat, not one bit, not one iota, not even on a whimsy, not a sauna, maybe a hot tub every blue moon.

Mid morning in the mid city, VP Chaney has an 18% approval-rating, out troops are overstretched, recruitment is down, Troop moral is down due to over deployment, no one really fears us, (because of Bush’s folly any nation only has to draw us in and slowly bleed us and wait, I’m no genius and I know to win against America you just need time, road bombs, an suicide bombers) and so he goes and threatens Iran.

Whom is he kidding; the only one who could be afraid of Cheney is a hunting partner.


8:00 AM Energy Drink 180 Calories
10:40 Energy Bar 210 Calories
12:00 black forest ham sandwich 480 cal, salad 260 cal, coke150 cal, another coke 250 cal

Total so far 1530 yikes !!!!!

So it is lunch now over and I am waking up a bit but I am dismayed to see I have consumed 1500 calories already but in all fairness I am still drinking the coke and could have gone for diet coke but no way man. I also will not be buying the sandwich because I can make on like it at home and save the 6 bucks

I woke up at 1:30 this morning thinking it was about 5:00, and it took me a while to fall asleep, WHY because it was HOT! And as previously mentioned I do not like the heat.
Lunch is over I have many pieces to move around. I may do OT tonight cause I am behind and the others are going on a trip to dc next week so I have to catch up and train the others on what they will be learning in DC.

Another energy bar and let me state that the only thing worse than an energy bar is a store brand energy bar but what a wallop those 180 calories pack.

Total today 1710
I can see how those calories add up and it is somewhat disconcerting that it happens so easily. Damn 1700 calories so easily it will probably be up to 2500 by tonight. I aw someone n the elevator who I hadn’t seen in a while and he lost 40 using JC but he said the food isn’t bad but he was HUNGRY.

I’m really excited about OZZFEST 2006, ozzy won’t be there but I head System of a down will be there and I don’t know who they are but I will be getting the party like a rock star package, and since my sister got a new job with more $$$$ she will be with me. Last year I think it was 350.00 and we got great seats and great pictures and cool stuff. Announcement is tomorrow 9:00 eastern and tickets go on sale on the 15th. I am so looking forward to this I just hope the concert is in August and that will give me time to lose at least 30-40 lbs. And hopefully the fat pants I ordered will not fit by then.
Neigh is the time from whence we waited

OZZFEST 2006
Its 20 after 6:00 and I discovered that some of the functionality I need out of the new system is not available and is an enhancement in the sense that even if it was available before the new system it will cost money to put it back. BUT WHO CARES

OZZFEST 2006 announcement tomorrow night, I will be truly bummed if they don’t come top my hometown and I have to go to another city.

Rumor has it Metallica will headline, ooh ooh can’t take the excitement

Anyway it is coming time for the conclusion of this experiment
I may whine a lot but I am grateful or the people who keep and eye out for me and wish me good morning and really mean it.

Peace to all the well wishers

Suicide birthdays and Antiques Roadshow

Suicide – Little John, 38, a resident of our fine City for 24 years, died Thursday, November 16, 2000. His Big brother, and wife, sister in law of another fine city; aunt, Tia of yet another fine city; and two nephews, one and two survive him. His mother and father, and uncle preceded him in death; He was a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. Cremation has taken place. A memorial service will take place on Tuesday, 4:00 p.m., at The Cremation place The family requests memorial contributions be made to the Animal Humane Association.


Little John would hate my exposing his name so I won’t but even though he joined the universe almost 6 years ago I wanted to wish him a happy birthday and that had he stuck around for 9/11 he might have had a purpose in life.

ON 24 they killed off Edgar, which was very sad, I know he was a TV guy but he seemed like an every day guy and not like the other actors who could model in the Sunday ads for athletic wear. But it was ironic to see everyone one running in a panic and he just walks up like he is not in a hurry and sees what is happening and thank lies down and dies.

And a special shout out to the security forces, I think that the UAE bought the security and training for CTU.

Once again the fickle finger of fate strikes again, someone becomes a dad and brings an abundance of cupcakes, I take on to be polite (ok I wanted one anyway) and then I get my sugar Jones so I take another, and since they are next to the copy machine and they smell goooooood I have to stay away
To this point of the day

1 16 oz coke-zero
I Yoplait fat free yogurt
2 qt sugar free lemonade
1 small cowboy stew

The check issuance system has taken the week off and no checks are getting printed. And there are angry people who want their checks. Remember kiddies the Low bid usually means you get what you pay for.

Cowboy stew for lunch, yum yum, this is a concoction I used to call bachelor stew. Essentially it is pinto beans either plane or ranch style (what ever is on sale), mushrooms, onions, tomatoes and a chicken breast, or some kind of steak if it is on sale. Beef is really expensive and I usually buy steaks when they are half off and freeze them. Sometimes I add potatoes. It is cheap and easy to make and as they say back at the ranch, it sticks to your ribs.

I have dress pants and fat pants and my fat pants are wearing out (fat pants are more casual), My fat pants are wearing out and the store doesn’t carry them in my size anymore which is strange because as America gets fatter they will need places to shop. Although, if you think about it or if I think about it the stores are getting outdated by the evil Wal-mart and Internet shopping.
The weather is really nice outside and I should be walking but I found the excuse to not walk

Frequent urination due to frequent liquid intake. I know it is kind of gross but not really as seen by frequent trips to the supermarket I see adult diapers, and I always wondered if runners use them. I’ve never visited a marathon but someone I used to work with is running a marathon for cancer and has to raise 3500 so I gave her 1% but I wonder if nature calls do they just go to the nearest port a potty. I asked a serious runner that once and I guess he gets that question a lot because he told me that normally runners use up all their water and have to take on additional water so it isn’t a problem, and I reminded him that in the Olympics one year a woman runner had a diarrhea problem and she wore a “Special” outfit and even though favored she eventually lost. He remembered and was forced to admit I had a point and skulked away (he was a prima Donna athletic anyway always reminding me that excess weight will lead to health problems that society will end up paying for anyways, last time I saw him he was wearing a leg brace for some injury and couldn’t wait to get back running, I didn’t say anything mainly because he is bigger and still faster, (although that would not normally stop me but it is somewhat wrong to kick a guy while he is metaphorically down) and I kind of felt bad for him because he cannot do something he loves to do.)

But the urination is a good thing I guess cause I get to walk to the bathroom and see lots of porcelain. Which from watching the Antique’s Roadshow is very valuable. I wonder if I took a urinal from an old hotel if they would have quite the reaction.

“Well Sir-eat-a-lot what do you have here” “
Thanks Jim, I’ve brought a Urinal from a old hotel from the 40’s off of Route 66, they were tearing down the building because it had become a crack house and I grabbed it from the rubble”

” That is very interesting, I see you have not cleaned it in any manner which normally would detract from the value, however the smell is making quite a few of our visitors and the visible urine and rust stains is also probably making our viewers quite sick so security will be taking you away this minute, but I understand a man named Rusty is interested in buying it for “personal” use so he will be taken away as well.”

“Thanks for stopping by”

Isn’t that the kind of public channel you’d like to see, Little John would have liked it and it is in his spirit I came up with this episode because I’m sure we would have worked up a routine that would have disgusted many people.
Happy Birthday bro
Miss you much

Blameless Monday, happy birthday little john

Blameless Monday

I watched the Academy Awards last night and they seemed kind of tepid. Maybe I expected more out of John Stewart. On Larry Kink he expressed his problems with the current administration and the Democrats in a precise logical manner and then with the world watching he does nothing. He looked nervous, as if he wanted to say something but he didn’t pull the string. I guess I don’t know what I expected but he didn’t deliver and the awards were really ho-hum except that it is amazing how many beautiful women there are now and how really young and skinny they are. Back in my day (alert alert alert musings of an old man coming up) the women were more voluptuous and had curves. Todays are healthier and fit and I guess it if deciding between the two it is 6 of one kind and a half dozen of the other.

Anyhoo (I wonder what is the derivation of that word. I suspect it may be regional or Ivy League in general but who cares anyhoo) I may have inadvertently messed up an encoding machine and there is no one around who knows what to do. But I just tried something out of the blue and it seemed to work only a few precious hours lost in an otherwise miserable day

I see the workload in front of me and I don’t like it, its like being at the beach and small waves come along and you kind of jump with them and every 10 waves or so a 5-6 foot wave comes along and you think “this might hurt” and it doesn’t so you ignore the 12 foot wave and it knocks the hell out of you. The workload looks like a five-foot wave but it is probably a 12-foot wave that will lay you to waste. I may stay late to catch up and it is a good think I set the VCR to tape 24 tonight.

I sometimes gets had to move around, I used to go to the copier frequently to get a little exercise and to chat with someone to restart my brain (my mind goes 1,000,000.00 and hour on inconsequential stuff and I find it hard to concentrate on one item if I have more than 5 items on deck. I often find my self working on tedious but necessary stuff and I start thinking about concerts I’d like to see, or why can’t I visualize the moon-earth-sun during phases of the moon, I just can’t do it, I’ve even tried models but it doesn’t sink in)
But now I am so heave that I save copy jobs so I don’t have to make as many trips.

However in an effort to cleans my body I’ve been drinking copious amounts of water and sugar free lemonade (8 cals per serving and is from actual concentrate lemon juice) and as a result the wear and tear I’ve been saving as a result of saving trips to the copier are more than made up for by trips to the lavatory (as a young budding scientist before I learned that you have to concentrate to be a scientist, I always wondered about the association a laboratory and a lavatory (lavatory is derived from Latin laundry, courtesy of the looky loo who was looking over my shoulder I really hope my hearing gets better)
My urinary tract must be in good order.

It is the rest of me that is a colossal mess.

24 TONIGHT
A TWO-HOUR SPECIAL
Tonight’s special threatens to reveal vital plots points and cause Gray matter in most people to question the time space conundrum as Jack Bauer seems to get an unbelievable amount of stuff done in the one hour segments.

Do ya get the feeling if our president saw this show he call Shotgun Chaney to get this guy into his office immediately?

Tomorrow is the birthday of the Late Great “Little John” to those who knew him remember his incredible ability to get completely wasted and sneak away to his vehicle where hidden keys led to accidents, DWI”S, scaring passengers and eventually leading to his loss of license, inability to get (let alone hold job) and after going through his inheritance in a futile effort to find a loop hole in the State code to allow him to have a breathalyzer interlock device on a car so he could get and hold a job. Since he lost that and had 5 years to go before getting his license I helped him get a job with the specific instructions that if he kept his mouth shut and did what he was told he could get a job and it was close enough to his home that he could ride his bike.

Little John, a very loving and intelligent person could not help himself and asked questions on procedure and recommended ways to improve the methodology despite my very explicit instructions that there are federal regulations that would prohibit his “input” and all his ideas had been already thought of.

He annoyed enough people that they “Trusted” him to do stuff he had no business doing by himself and when he failed as expected he was written up enough times that he was offered the opportunity to resign and when he went to talk to a “Suit” who had a open door policy, and is a nice enough guy but a really horrible supervisor came out of the meeting feeling lower than I thought possible and was convinced that despite every single person who loved telling him that he needs to quit drinking and keep his mouth shut, (he accused us of being jealous of his intelligence or those who had no degree of his having a degree and his lot in life was due to bad luck) he chose to take the advice of the suit, to this day I have no Idea what it was but knowing this guy it wasn’t inspiring or “Just keep trying, next time it will work out” it was probably direct, cold, and uninspiring but to be fair Little John was only here about 6 weeks.

A week later I spoke with him and he asked me to call him 11/11/2000 that he was busy studying for a test (in school to delay student loans). This was on 11/08/00

On the morning of 11/11/00 I wondered If Little John had relapsed cause I hadn’t heard and I didn’t want to call because if he answered drunk and asked me for money for rent (he was in very dire straights)

Mid morning I got a call from his manage that he had not picked up his mail or paper for 4 days. I was his contact, he door was locked from the inside. Police came in cut the lock, went inside (the manager wanted to go on inside)

John ate his 9mm gun and he was all over the place

In a final insult his brother from who he was estranged for what I thought was petty reasons was barred from getting his property due to a letter he left with the manager telling his that if anything happened to him his brother was responsible and to call me to deal with his stuff.

There was a confrontation and after talking with the police his brother took his stuff gave me his Cd’s and had him cremated gave me some ashes and put the rest in a teddy bear urn. I don’t think he would have been pleased, but don’t leave your remains to someone you don’t trust.

I bet the last thing that went through his mind after the 9mm was “I fucked up”

Happy birthday dumb ass. Anything to never hit 40 eh.

Missed it by that much “__”

Missed it by that much “__”

Yesterday right around 4:00 I left work and headed to pick up Girlfriend G, (here ta fore known as G), heading down the freeway thinking about nothing in particular other than making up a list of foodstuff to pick up at the local A&P (it isn’t called the A&P nor have I ever seen a A&P, but I like the way it sounds, as in Hey honey I’m going down to the A&P to get some maple syrup and cigarettes) a police cruiser and EMT SUV passed me like I was standing still. When I got to the Off ramp which is about a half mile away from G’s house I noticed about 10 cruisers, two fire engines, 3-4 ambulances and three very badly wrecked cars. I was actually on the overpass and I saw pieces of cars strewn through out the road, it looked like a car had hit a curb and rolled onto a parking lot of a Park/golf course/skateboard park/swimming pool/softball fields/ doggie park(the complex was laid out in the 60’s when there was nothing out there, no way could anything be built now the expense would be horrific and there is empty space near the on/off ramps, this is my public service announcement of the day). The Fireman was trying to extract the guy from the car and I noticed in my rear view mirror that the police closed off the off ramp behind me. I thought I was able to proceed beyond the carnage. But the police were directing the cars on the overpass back on to the freeway. I was concerned that G would freak out and I hoped that she didn’t hear the accident and I was glad that the sirens were already off.

As I was exiting the overpass to get on the freeway I saw the lifeguard helicopter coming in for a landing. While I hoped that everyone was ok (from what I saw I was very surprised to hear that no on was killed and as of now no one seriously hurt, Hats off to the National Safety council), I had to go several miles out of my was as all the cars forced off as well as all the normal traffic went to the nearest two off ramps. 15 minutes I arrived at G’s house top see her crying hysterically, since I was supposed to arrive at around the time the accident happened and she heard the sirens and saw the helicopter land from her vantage point ¼ mile from her house (she could feel the whop-whop of the helicopter) I was dead, maimed, and not gonna pick her up.

Weekend went well until the Oscars started. Since she may read this blog some day I better let it go.

Back to work tomorrow
Congrats to Phillip Seymour Hoffman for his win.

Going on and on and on

Getting Old

After reading what I wrote I feel it is imperative to note that I am highly sarcastic and opinionated to the point that most people who don’t really know me think I am a total asshole and those who know me like me in spite of my quirks because they know there is rarely any meanness behind my comments or opinions and think I am a very funny guy who should be in Hollywood writing stories for TV. (I get that a lot)

I suppose one of the great tragedies of my life is that I’ve had an extended childhood. I have had self-loathing all my life and I never reached my potential because of fear. Fear as a kid robbed me of the love of learning; I let the fear of bullies as a kid keep me from skipping a grade and I basically stopped trying after that. I remember being told I was smart, even a Genius but I don’t remember being that particularly smart, I just knew how to read in kindergarten and read the paper every day

(Brief soliloquy: as a kid I was fascinated at the progression or regression of my dad’s reading habits when it came to the paper. First he read the front page and I read the sports-comics-front age after he was done, in mid high he read the sport page, which by that time had the comics on the back page. So I read the front page, as the city got bigger so did the paper and the comics float around and are usually on the inside of the last page of the classified section or the trends section, (which used to be called Woman’s world or something like that which is hard to believe). So he read the comics-sports-front page by college. Now retired he reads the front page again, and I piggyback his subscription and read the paper on line)

So I could read but I wasn’t doing calculus or particle physics or anything like that and this was during the space race so I was interested in science but I never pursued anything, and looking back the bullies weren’t packing and it was more psychological abuse than physical, (although you only have to get your ass kicked a few times as a 6 yr old to establish learned behavior) and I ran into them later in life and they acted like I was their bud which was mainly because they forgot and wanted to get some smokeables and they knew I had a family member who had connections.

But that period along with a horrible 6th grad teacher who is one of the few people I actually wished a comet would land on them and vaporize before my very own eyes to the cheers of the student body. But I was only the one who had problems with the teacher and is their failure as a teacher to help me (I must have had problems that medications now available would have vaporized my brain) that I am angry about. I was 12 and cried every day from the new set of bullies (I transferred from catholic-Public in the 6th) and the teasing about my weight, and my general resentment about my place in the universe that frustrates most pre-teens and is often the first step to drug abuse or giving up. It was her job to help me and since this was the early 70’s there was no other help. I remember she was telling a story about this 22 yrs old who week before broke into a house or robbed a gas station (when they sold gas and a few snacks only) with his brother and killed an old man. She remarked that she reached out to him because he had problems and wrote letters to his mid-high teacher stressing he needed extra help, and he got nothing. I must have been a problem child in her eyes because while I never got sent to the principal’s office, I remember having to sit next to her desk because I was vocal or something. Very few liked me and since that was my first and last year before Jr-High, I didn’t really care. Due to a change in boundaries later most of those kids went to a different Jr high and I didn’t have to deal with them until Jr year of HS (reasons why is a different story)
Anyway, back to my point. Which seem to have forgotten

I never married or fathered children and I took the first job after college and haven’t taken life seriously since I was 12. I gave up and now looking at 300 lbs, a job I absolutely hate along with everyone else in the building. (Government jobs are great in the sense that they are safe, but since there is no product to produce other than services to the taxpayer, we tend to be taken advantage of, and sense there are no stock options other than a sweet pension, wages are low for the worker bees and real hard work isn’t always rewarded. But you have to give a damn and like my life prior I don’t care, I don’t like accounting or clerical work and why I got a degree in business is beyond me other than its is easy to find a job if you can do paper work and have a reasonable knowledge of accounting, but the sweet jobs in government are for Information Technology and political favor jobs which aren’t really jobs but titles for wealthy contributors)

But except for my body acquiring a gravity field, I am essentially 16yrs old. I have a great curious streak that keeps me up late watching TV and I love movies and subversive humor (like south park)

I always wanted to be a writer but I’ve never tried anything after 12 yrs old. If it was too hard I gave up. I was a perennial C+ student in HS and College cause I only did the minimum, I have 8 yrs to retirement but will probably never progress beyond my grade unless they reclassify my job (which has happened once) because I don’t try to move and I fail at everything because if it gets hard I give up and blame my weight, my drinking, my lot in life, etc

If I keep up this blog and write thousands of words I am hoping that I can learn to focus on the message I am trying to convey and thus write my experiences and then progress to the great American novel.

At least until it gets hard. Or something is on TV

I do my best writing when I should be working, like now (at time and a half, although I will adjust the time sheet to reflect the actual OT was duty related, lying on a timesheet is one of the few ways to lose a government job, I will cover the other was at another time during lunch)

Happy Oscar weekend to everyone

Fish Day

Fish Day

I walked because I need some kind of exercise; I walked to the corner store/gas station/ evil fast food place. It is about 7 minutes there and same back. It used to be 5 each way but that was 40 lbs ago. I imagine if I were my Ideal weight it would be a 7 minute round trip. I went to get a ticket to the donation to the free school for kids state lottery. A buck and a dream, right? It isn’t millions but enough to quit work and go on a eating and drinking binge for 5 years assuming I don’t move and my sisters and nieces don’t find out, although I would throw them and my folks some bones so a 2 years eating and drinking binge. Or if I join a gym, eat right, change my negative thinking, I could still quit work, learn day trading, make small fortune, lose part of small fortune (I am somewhat risk averse) and maintain 10 year drinking binge and probably still afford the liver transplant if I keep my insurance.

But I digress

Another Fast food restaurant that is a 30-minute roundtrip has a fish sandwich that is worth $2.50 and they will add mustard (I like mustard especially on my fries). The place that is closer but Evil (If I had kids I would forbid them to eat there) has a much smaller sandwich of inferior quality for $2.50. I keep forgetting and I regret my decision. I really believe that the place has radio waves that “encourage people” to buy the slop they serve

The fish tasted like it was from the Aqua-inbred portion of wherever the fish comes from

Happy Friday

Lies, Dammed lies, or Incompetence

Lies, Dammed lies, or Incompetence

I seen the snippets of Video that indicate (I’m being kind) Bush and his administration knew how bad Katrina would be. I’ve looked closely at Bush’s face and it is clear that he is not able to understand the complexities of the Job. He is Incompetent; I’m sure he feels like he got screwed when he ran for president. He thought that he would lower taxes, appoint conservative judges, and everybody would love him and listen to his pearls of wisdom.

He can’t do the job and I am tired of people or news services that try to shift the blame to non-believers. What has this guy done to get the accolades he receives? Is this guy even aware of what goes on outside a ten-foot circle around him?

He has split America
Because of him no one fears America, and in the long run that may be a good thing, countries will still be cautious in dealing with us, and when China implodes as capitalism overtakes Communism we may be well advised to be as far away as possible. The next depression will happen as the third world countries that make up most of our consumer goods collapse when America runs out of credit.

Concerning Weightier issues
I am 284
I am trying to cut out sugar completely
I took a 15-minute walk
I still have 3 feet of shredding to do
I still cannot sleep
Lunch time over

Peace

Lent

Ok,
so like lent starts tomorrow and aside from beans and deep fried fish, its a real hassle making or buying anything. A few weks ago I saw a infommercial for a product where you put boiling water in a tube and it cooks pasta and vegies, I looked into it and saw that a wrap is applied so the tube becomes a thermus.

Sounds bogus to me
anyone out there try it?

Trifecta complete

Don Knotts 81
Darin Mcgavin 83
Dennis Weaver 81

Three deaths, names start with D, Approz same age

WATFO

hovering at 284, I saw a story last night "The 750 pound man"
scary, I still don't know how I got so big, it can't be all sodas
and burgers

or can it?

I hate where I am, I hate being behind, I hate my duties
guess I'm just hateful.

my teenae niece told me that I should quit if I'm not happy
It is that simple but I have no where to go and 20 k in B to tie me down

sob

Farewell to Barney

Just heard that Don Knotts died
I've watched The Andy Griffin Show countless times, and I still laugh
The Shakest Gun in the west is one of my favorite movies from childhood
Its kind of weird seeing the people that entained me as a kid/young man get old

Why is President Bush's Adminstration turning into "24"

OK I've been honest that I think Bush is a Idiot or clueless and his gang of Idiots who want to make their Christian mark on the world and make a billion dollars. But for Cheney to shoot a guy wait a couple of days and act like like he is as sincere as a collection agency is just about the worst thing I've seen. Then news that the UAE is taking over the ports, and Bush says it is ok has crossed the line.

Its like season 4 of "24", they can't be that stupid

Does Bush realize he was taken advantage of and he is delibertly trying to screw up so they will leave him alone?

Bill O'Reilly is an ass

O'reilly head is so far up the ass of the Republican party
he has a permanent tan
Just had to write this before I slept

Bears, gF, 24, junk food, cartoons

February 7th 7:30 pm

OK
So I gave my Valentine bear to by spouse/girlfriend (never getting married but she’ll kill me if I stray and she is actually certifiable, and fat men can’t be choosy but I started after her when we were 17 and didn’t get her until she joined me and got fat, she was always loony then certifiable)

Saw 24 and wasn’t disappointed but dismayed, I always have problems with the time line of things and these episodes help slow things down, but I wish they would show two episodes together to tie in the hours better

But,
Logan had Cummings killed to cover up what happened to Palmer
Logan is just pacifying his wife, it will come back to bite him
I find it hard to believe that the machinist could cut 20 canisters in time allotted, but that is his job and it didn’t appear to be all that precise
Heard someone say the guy wanted the girl because a chip is in her, plausible he can get a girl anywhere and he had a country in mind, why is the girl vital?

Anyway, after 24 too the old lady home picked up some diet soda and saw that there was candy bars 25 cents a piece, Jerry in the old Café (see a previous post) sold them for 80 cents. Pigged out and saw a Simpson episode I hadn’t seen before (hard to believe) where Bart started pigging out and gained a bunch of weight and went to Fat boot camp
I ate the rest of the candies anyway

S.park was killer wicked funny

Now it is after hours and due to shortages I have to stay late, extra money is good but will I pay bills, get stuff (x/m radio), and buy booze. I don’t know but I am tired and I should come in early tomorrow

Have not heard from GF all day, played joke this morning leaving msg that her bear was recalled, she called to see if it was true and hung up. Tomorrow is $$ day for her will she be bad or is she bad on credit
More later

Super snoozer

Bizzare weekend

Yesterday a old friend and I went to a sports talk show Superbowl party, there were 40 TV's there (it doubles for off track beting during normal times). but the TV's wern't in sync. each TV was a 1/2 sec to a sec off so ther was this weird echo and the picture on the screen made it seem like I took acid before the game.

Game sucked maybe it as the distortion but the refs looked high, the pre and half time shows looked like it was presented by AARP, and the ad agencies are trying to hard.

DIdn't drink because I was too bored and I had to work, its not a good sign when you r boss asked how youa re feeling in the morning and you tewll them you didn't drink and a shocked look of surprise comes over them like the kid in home alone.

more later

The Idiot has landed

I don't like to give away my location, but the Idiot has selected this region of the country to visit. I wish I had paid more attention because I would have liked to take off to film af-one landing or taking off, for no other reason than to say I had and inter cut the plant taking of with stock footage of flood victims for some kind of 10 minute vanity film festival

I went to the store to buy some veggies and I was struck by how I don't know how to eat, I can cook up some tomatoes, onions and potatoes. But other than adding squash, I don't know what to do, I don't know how this happened. How do I train my brain to accept dark green materials as food.

As a kid I remember eating spinach and beans on Friday's (before the no meat was cancelled) but the beans were fresh and the spinach was canned.

aside from tofu what do vegetarians eat?
anyone out there know?
Anyone?

Seattle 31 Pittsburg 28

The Idiot speaks tomorrow

Tomorrow the collective stupidity of the nation will be revealed on one speech
My ears are clogged again
I am pushing closer to 300
I hate my Job
I am waiting for the tax return
when I have time later I will tell the parable of the coach in Personel Best
My Niece is working in Disneyworld, Neat

Merry Christmas From the Comission for the Blind

Woody
Below is an E-mail I received this morning, Puzzled I made inquiries


From: Tanner, Diana, XXX Sent Thu 12/15/2005
11:16 AM
To: XXX-XXXX employees

CC:

Subject: Items from Cafeteria

At the request of Deputy Secretary XXXXXXX Hill . . .

If you removed any items from the 1st floor cafeteria, please return all items to the 4th floor conference room (south half) before 2:00 pm TODAY.


We have a café the by State Statute has to be run by the State Commission for the Blind, and the management is always changing because it is very hard to make money because it is cheaper to go to a fast food restaurant, and frankly vision impaired people don’t cook very well and people they hire tend to steal from them. Subcontractors have been caught using food beyond the expiration date to stretch a buck. So the Café has been closed for a couple of months.

Last week a new café was set to open and the Manager (Jerry) gave out hot chocolate for free and begged people to eat at his café so he can be a productive person (it was sad, real sad). So his café opened Monday and as usual the food was so-so and overpriced but he had a decent turnout.

This morning the director for the State commission for the blind came in and had it out with Jerry telling him that there were too many complaints and he was out, the director went upstairs to formally disclose the info to the Department Secretary. Jerry gets pissed and tells everyone to help them selves to what ever they want, (remember he opened Monday) so a lot of people (I didn’t hear until it was too late) did just that. Emptied the shelves of candy, chips, cokes, cookies, sandwiches, and anything cooked.

The director came down got real pissed and started forcing the staff out the door, Jerry yelled at his mom to get the cash and the director physically blocked Jerry’s mom from doing so. Meanwhile the security guards came down to help (aged 70 and 68) the guards were fighting with a blind guy and his mom keeping them from the register and a few other people forced them out the building.

Shades of the Candy Machine incident in 1976

Hope you are having a nice Holiday season

summer over

October 11, 2005

To say I have been gone a while would be a sever under statement. My keyboard appears to have some type of electrical problem. Could be a loose wire, {Could be}, Maybe it needs to be cleaned, {it does}

But a new one is like 20 bucks, but I have to wait 3 weeks. If I lift it up and bank on it sort of works but that is too much of a hassle

I am broke and will achieve new heights in a month after I take a trip with my parental units. I am still fat (280) tired, hate my job {leave}

But a good summer
Megadeth
Ozzfest
And Green Day-which was one of the fun-est, spiritual concerts in a very long time
Never sat down
People were dancing, singing, grooving to the tunes
If you were a dude from 6-60 you were covered
I saw a few dads showing their kids how to make the heavy metal sign, it was cute and gratifying to see little fingers try to make the sign

It was
Tooooo cooool for school

OZZFEST

Ozzfest was awesome
the whole day was incredible
got 450 pictures, got back stage with the PILARS package
took 2 hours to get home
met the wicked Wisdom band

Got my tickets and my ears clogged

Ok so like I didn't want a hole burned in my eardrum and a drain put in so I had a hearing test and due to years of head banging it would not help much so I have to pop my ears 7-8 times a day which is a drag but I got my ozzy tickets so I am a happy but fat man

sorry I havent written

Hey folks
ok so no one reads this but I have tried to be creative but the well is dry. Tomorrow I have a CT scan to determine why I hear fluid inside my head but the ear canals are dry

thanks for reading

1st day of the 2nt 4 years of the idiot

January 12, 2005
Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don't. -Pete Seeger
I am seeking Serendipity in any form, last night I rolled change, and I have about 40 bucks, My niece turns 18 in 3 ½ weeks and I wanted to give her 100 dollars, looks like I may make it even thought I have car payments on the neigh horizon. (Who talks like that now a days)

GF? got a new TV and neither her nor her dad could figure out the antenna, (it needed a coaxial connection) GF? got real manic and was flipping out and her dad went out and bought a new antenna and the TV works and everyone is happy. Especially me cause I got paid what GF? owed me.

January 13, 2005
GF? blew me off yesterday and wanted the 20 bucks her dad gave me for food, so I responded by chasing the $7 high, I woke up congested, and I may have inadvertently screwed a coworker.
Today's sentence of the day
I got a tendentious version of events on the west coast from my cousin concerning the new living arrangements.
GF? has called at 11:15 am and dropped the line she is going out shopping, my voice is raspy and I told her that I will be too sick to see her tonight, I am growing tired of her ups and downs and now that she has a TV I am looking for an exit strategy, spoke to Bill last night and I am sure I annoyed him because of the $7 high but he has no camcorder so it looks like I will not make the "Biggest Loser"
I may take GF? to Wal-Mart because she is tired and is hungry, I told her that I don't feel well and I will take her but that is about it. However she called just before 5:00 and said she doesn't want to go
DG is unhappy with his pay and is trying to negotiate a 15% but won't do the hard work and will settle for 10%.
Maybe I'm paranoid but I saw Sincty in NS1's office talking to NS1 and KNS.

January 14, 2005
Last night I called GF? during CSI and she acted like her dog died and kept calling with how depressed she is, she blew he 20 bucks on junk and was crying about how hungry she was. When the story about Michael Jackson came on she called every commercial break. MJ is a sick freak and should be gangbanged for the rest of his life.
Meeting with Sincty she raised her voice I called her on it and as usual she got her way, this year changes must be made but I have to withdraw from society, so to speak. I can't let my anger divide me. I get the same pay no matter what. Thank god for 3 day weekend, must avoid negative thoughts, negative thoughts make negative people

January 18, 2005

Took Niece II to see White Noise yesterday, she was kind of quiet, but I managed to make her laugh, its weird to see how much they have grown.
Quote of the day
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. -Martin Luther King, Jr.
Word of the day
Importune 1: to press or urge with troublesome persistence *2: annoy, trouble 3: to beg, urge, or solicit persistently or troublesomely
Hmmm as in People at work importune on a consistent basis so they can impose their will on weak-minded individuals.
I am so tired, the back of my knees hurt, I must do the exorcises, I even mailed out my first pmt on the car

January 21, 2005

Worked out
1/4 hour bike 3.01 miles
swam 15 minutes
saw some very hot girls driving all the men crazy, wish I had my glasses on to see if they were jailbait (they probably were)
272 soaking wet
mow I can’t sleep



"Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary
Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety
Ben Franklin

10 days and 272 lbs

January 9, 2005

Its 8:19 and it is the end of another weekend. The peoples choice awards are on opposite 24 (how many bad days can this guy take?) Normally I would watch 24 but they snuck in two shows tonight and I want to see if Michael Moore wins, also the following has happened

A relative passed away last week and his funeral was up north in the mountains, my new car was having problems and it got fixed by my sister wanted to drive and we had a long talk which reminded me what I have been missing, my younger niece is having problems and my sister asked me to get more involved in her life as her dad is having major problems,

I weigh 272, hate my job and my chosen is having unusual problems which means that she is probably using or floundering. I of course am still drinking and eating and the new car payments will necessitate a change in lifestyle.

January 10, 2004
Don't let the fear of striking out hold you back.

-Babe Ruth
Another day in paradise got E-mail from a doughty Osta who is preparing to leave for Kuwait. He sent some fun pictures of him going through a gas chamber. Looks like fun.
Somehow someone hacked my password from AOL had I probably have a virus that takes my password and messes up everything and sends out IM to whomever and they are apparently dirty.
Girl has been calling and I am becoming ambivalent about the whole thing. I drank a lot after Tio Ramon's funeral and I kind of blew her off Sunday but I tried to make amends and Girl wanted to punish me but I don't really care as I had a lot of stuff to do. I enjoyed being with Sister, we had a nice talk and She recommended I get more involved in Amber's goings on. She is pretty trenchant and I am concerned about her (Amber). My sister's husband celebrated his job interview by using he knows he will be drug tested but doesn't think it will hurt his chances.
I continue to fall behind, Mary is being set upon by STO and DFA and it is being passed along to me, the recon should not be that hard but easy items to spot are getting through and I am frustrated because I fell behind due to my computer falling apart and the use it or lose it policy. I can't take the stress and it is partially due to my health, Girl, pain, and I hate my job, I have car payments and I don't think I am getting any help here at work, my AOL account has been compromised and it will probably cost me money to keep it going, a new computer or software.
Girl has fallen again, I sometimes wish that I would have a stroke or something that would keep me laid up for 2-3 months, I could rest get my head together. Something. If only Mr. lotto would come to my rescue, a little something so I could pay off everything and take a year off to get my head together. It would be worth it.
The day is almost over and I finally helped my coworker finish her recon, it was driving me nuts but I looked at a few things and was able to help break the code.
Two episodes of 24, tonight cool !!

where did the time go

Howdy
this is a quick update and I will try to finish later
my truck has died, it threw a rod
I am trying to get rid of it
I even posted it on the charity website daring anyone to come get it
no one has responded