Fall is here

Fall is here, another season gone, another to look forward to
I hope everyone had at least one bright moment this summer

where is the mama feral cat?

A recent development which may be a non event got my attention, I was checking on my folk’s house. And there is this feral cat that my folks adopted because it was little more than a kitten and cried and cried and my mom put some food out for it and noticed it had half a tail and at the beginning had quite an appetite. They didn’t know what kind of Kitty it was until April 1 when a delighted mom called me and said there were 3 kitties in the shed, my mom put a towel for the kitties and the mamma cat moved them to the other shed, and when my mom tried again to give them somewhere warm, the mama cat moved them inside the garage through the vents. Needless to say I was not worried about the kitties because there were only 3 and I was hopeful they would find a home (and they did) but I could foresee a herd of kitties overtaking the neighborhood, though a wonderful organization known as NM Animal Friends for 15 bucks they will spay or neuter a cat, and they are no kill. Right around when the kittens left I along with an animal lover set up some traps and I thought it would never work as I thought the cat is too clever. An hour later I checked and sure enough the cat was in the trap and saw that is was still a kitty, (the other black feral cat disappeared around the time the new black feral cat appeared and incident that cannot be a coincident) the kitty in the trap was very scared and I was told to put a blanket over it and I being the eternal skeptic thought the cat was going to hurt himself, but luckily my folks were out of town (irony once again, I save her from a life of kitties when they are gone and when they are gone the kitty disappears) Anyway the kitty calmed down and I put the trap inside the office addition and went home. 7 am I pick up the kitty and take it to the spay clinic (only once a month, the timing I saw as a sign from St. Francis of Assisi) the kitty made it through the surgery, slept in the office again, next morning I released her and she sprinted one the worse for wear, her ear was notched so animal control would know she was already spayed. My mom said the kitty came by the next morning they came back and sang for her breakfast and things returned to normal. My folks left on Aug 1 for a trip and I stopped by to get the mail and feed the feral mama kitty and the inside Cat, and the Feral mama cat didn’t run and watched me refill the food and top off the water dish. I am always fascinated by watching animals eat and drink water, I don’t know why, it is a moment of tranquility in which they exist a fragile moment of the existence of conscience which end with the slightest of movement or strange noise. I watched him eat for 4 days after which he would lie on the concrete or lawn chair and I would leave. She was a no show Thursday but the dish was empty, I filled it to the brim, Friday no kitty, Saturday no Kitty and I asked my sister if she had fed the kitty and she said she had not seen the black one but had seen the gray Feral kitty eating. Today I stopped by and there was a little food in the dish but no mama feral kitty. Feral cats have a very short life, but since this one didn’t have to cross the street and had several places to hid and sleep in the area I thought it would have up to 5 years of existence and I felt a spiritual connection to it, I don’t know why, I suppose because it would be nice to have two cats so my current Lord of the Estate would have a companion, but my lord has indicated that this will not happen. The mama cat feral will probably show up once she hears my mom’s voice, but if she joined the universe, then it is fate, and for what ever it is worth she brought joy into my parents life, my life and the kitties brought a warm feeling to whom ever held them. I feel sadness not so much for the cat mama feral, because we never really had a connection, but because I am taking a much needed vacation and My kitty will be staying at a kitty hotel which will cost as much as the rental car because how do I justify not getting the absolute best accommodations for kitty including a kitty connection where I can call Kitty and they will hold the phone up to the kitty so he can hear my voice, which 3 years ago I would have said are you F#$%ing kidding me, that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of, but now I have a guilt complex, I considered getting a nice room and driving and taking the cat with me , but if for some reason the cat escaped and got loose I would be suicidal. So Kitty hotel, extra TLC care, pet insurance, outside shots for an inside cat, I’m down like 500.00, 275 for the rental car to go exploring , 500.00 for the train (I’m a romantic at heart) to san diego. A big trip to see how my sister and niece lives, I’m stressed because I will miss some of the goals I set for work, and I wasted the last three weeks doing nothing when I could have cleaned the apt, finished moving from 18 months ago, I need to finish photographing my stuff so the rental insurance I bought will cover, ( I expect the worst in life), I’ve packed my daily stuff and I am too paranoid to use the big bag because I am afraid Amtrak will lose it because I have to switch to a commuter train in LA so I have three bags including my laptop to cram enough stuff for 7 days plus the C-pap machine, and I am freaking that something will go wrong at both ends like a apt fire which destroys everything I own insurance or no insurance and an earthquake will destroy California as the train pulls into LA. Never mind I get weirded out by the number of unemployed I see, the homeless begging for change to use for food, shelter, and drugs, the total psychos I see on TV convinced that a health care program will turn us into communists, make Soylent Green a reality, and see strange looking people on TV screaming that their country is going down hill never mind they are likely on SSI which is a socialist program I really need this vacation

The Pledge

I have been blessed with having many friends who knew me 30 plus years ago, and whether God suffers fools, I’ve been very lucky, or my bill is coming due soon, for some reason recent events placed me in a position where faces from the past have come to roost, and a delayed dinner invitation came back to haunt me as a lovely woman and wife of a very close friend dies suddenly. The very next day I meet an old coworker (although I’m the old one as she would likely point out) and her daughter as she runs 10 kilometers for the fun of it and is joined by about 100 others, I meet her darling daughter who is very much like her mom and Grandma is along and it is strange to see three generations out for a stroll and shared time. My family is pretty tight but not three generations, but it is more a function of age as there was a time when I was a child that the closeness was there before was convinced that my ancestors did not descend from Spain, but from somewhere beyond the andromeda galaxy.. I say that not in a derogatory manner because all families are convinced they are the strangest, and many have their tales to tell. My family runs strangeness par excellence and I only know 15% of the stories and the real stories will never be told due to death. I have this bizarre fantasy that once the main actors have passed a sacred document with the chronology of the family secrets, with space for my generation to add on to it.

Alas it ain’t gonna happen! This week I was reminded at a mini 30th reunion of how people I barely knew 30 years ago meant to me and of the opportunity I missed by not so much toeing the line but by not appreciation the opportunities that were presented to me, and my antiestablishment behavior was wasted on adults who only (for the most part) wanted the best for me both spiritually and emotionally. My behavior was a necessary step, for had I not taken the leap to boarding school, I might have followed a path of total self annihilation. My two years there are the fondest memories I have, an encapsulation of insanity, fears, tears, laughter, and a gift of Love for life and shared experiences that are priceless.

I write this while admitting I have always been “hefty”, as a kid I was “husky” “Husky plus”, in HS I was elegantly plump. Now I am a load but I have yo-yo’s about 25 lbs the last 10 years. While looking at fotos from the 20th I discovered that I still have some of the same shirts and they were loose there now they are a little tighter and while there must be some shrinkage, there is expansion taking place. It is only noteworthy because I have joined the diabetes club recently and the doctor and dentist told me it is time for change, before the damage is irreversible. It is strange when someone dies within 6 degrees of separation I get the “You really need to take care of yourself”

So for the 38th consecutive year I will take the pledge
This Year I have a Kitty at my side

how to stay cool

good news!!!!

I have good news about the Ferral kitty
I just need to find the fotos and finish the story

Life its own self

It is a Sunday afternoon, 11:22 am, there is a grand prix race on TV where there are 4 classes of cars, but I can’t keep track and it is just on for ambient background noise for the cat, I have head phones on and I am catching up on all the podcasts on my shuffle I need to catch up on, most of them are 3-4 minutes, the cat climbed between a sheet I have covering the couch, ( the texture irritates my arms and legs) sometimes the cat for what ever reason burrows his was in-between and is attacking something, I thought it might be an insect, but I have yet to find one and after his attack he goes to sleep, so be it.

Recently an incident reminded me that there is life outside my own sphere of selfishness. There have been many stories of shootings in the news, there was even a family killed last week. Starting with the killing of 4 cops in Oakland, 3 in Pittsburg, Immigration center in NY, and 3-4 families scattered throughout the US. The reasons given were varied, some feared (or so they claimed) the loss of their guns, so their response was to kill a bunch of people. Some lost their job and instead of d=facing the struggle head on they killed their kids, which is a very common murder-suicide going ways back to the depression, another common one is the marriage disintegrates, usually over money, and the man kills the kids, kills himself and sends a message that he hopes her new love is worth it. It is not lost on me that a few days ago the 2nt remembrance if Virginia tech and tomorrow is the 10th of columbine.

I don’t understand this level of thinking; I read an article that the rate of mass murders hasn’t really changed. What has changed? We have become numb, these things don’t even really grab out attention. A school shooting may capture out notice, but it is usually the police reaction, or the anticipation for a video or note explaining why he did it. A distant war, economic collapse, frustration with out elected leaders over the last 12 or so years, all this puts us a fingertip out of reach of compassion. On a local level we all do something to help out, even if it is a donation, as a society we tend to come together to help when asked, but it aren’t always humans. The interchanges on the interstate have been rebuilt and the critters that lived in the area (prairie dogs and the like) were relocated and I checked to see what happens and I saw links to no-kill groups and they had web-pages that showed kitties and puppies of every shape and age, and they are asking for 25-100 a month. These bother me a bit, I can see putting up the cost of a single animal running about 250.00 a year, but I don’t know the scope of the no kill shelters. The pages are set up like those commercials for cute kids that have nothing and a $10.00 a month pledge will provide vaccinations, schooling, and meals. This has the opposite effect where I wonder if the same kid has several sponsors, or if it is an economy of scale scenario. I always have a bad feeling when I hear of an animal suffering, but if someone is found dead it goes over my head if I don’t recognize the name. A couple of weeks ago I was driving in the predawn darkness and saw a cat that I had seen darting across the road on many times, lying in the road, I circled back and honked the horn and he didn’t move so I continued on to work and I felt bad I returned to see if I could move him before he became part of the road and he was already gone, and I am hopeful that his owner took him.

This is a long way of getting to something that happened a couple of weeks ago. But first backtrack a year or so. According to the source, the cry of a desperate and very hungry was uttered by a black cat, a black cat already lives at the residence. My mom hates to see animals suffer and when she noticed the cat only had ½ a tail she started to feed it and it would disappear, return eat, and eventually would sleep on the front or back porch, this confused because I once came to visit saw the cat on the porch, who ran as I approached and I entered the house, saw another black cat. My mom told me that the outside cat won’t let them get near it but it cries in the morning and it broke my mom’s heart. Fast foreword over a year, the cat we thought was a he, is a she and left kitties, 3 of them, in the shed. My mom put them in a towel and the cat moved them to the garage, my mom put a towel and the cat moved them to a very tiny space next to a vent. So the cat has had a warm place all Along to sleep during the winter.

Here is the problem, there are three kitties that have to be given away and we all know what happens to kitties who go to the pound, and now the cat has to go because it would be cruel to let it continue to reproduce. But the cat is feral and no one will want it so it will be put down. Now I have no emotional attachment to the cat, but I feel a connection. The cat was doing what cats do, especially wild one, pure existence, sleep, breath, eat where ever it can, and part of it is reproduction. I could not stand by and let the human society take the cat and put it down, and I understand that there are too many cats out there, and the cat will likely not live much longer, but it gives my mom a purpose in the morning, and my dad also likes when the cat cries in the morning, but does not like the other cats coming around for a free meal.

I checked and it is possible to set a trap and get the cat fixed and it is very cheap, and the cat can be released the next day. Problems one solved, the kitties may have homes, I am hopeful, and that is a problem I will address later.

A co worker is an animal activist but does not like no kill shelters, she thinks is kinder to put animals down than to subject them to foraging for a living, or get a warm home, plenty to eat, and cast out on their own when they have to move or become inconvenient. That is cruelty, it isn’t right to do that to an animal and there are parts if the city where there are colonies of dogs and cats that are abandoned and eke out a lying aided by well meaning people who won’t let the will ones get trapped.

The essence of existence is to think, to survive, and to live; if I get the cat fixed she can not make more kitties, obviously has a place to stay warm, and brings a measure or normalcy to the household. If the cat dies in an accident, it is fate and while the cat does not have the consciousness to know what I will do, it will sleep, wake up, slep in the sun, and live.

Right cross to the solar plexus,

Perhaps you are aware of the current predicament on the relationship front; perhaps some of you have dealt with someone who has a substance abuse problem. If you have, you know it is a never ending problem. The conspicuous consumption of the drug addict is something is a wonder to behold, the value of a dollar holds no merit, but a targetable aberration. The stories spun to obtain the opiate dream challenge the sincerity of the Academy Award nominations. My beloved who has spent the better part of 3 seasons incarcerated in the county jail for what is essentially using a controlled substance and a device to deliver the controlled substance. The first go around was a 5 month stay, a Nolo contendere plea, and a suspended sentence just in time for the thanksgiving holiday.

Upon release I picked her up, promises were made and we went to my place to consume turkey and a movie that has a special place in my heart. After about 2 hours, a claim of fatigue was made, and she was transported to her home to clean and get acclimated to freedom, or so she said. Within the hour she has violated probation, reintroduced the opiates to her synapse, and was back in the saddle again. Four days later, back in jail, same charge, but a habitual offender was added. Her friends were picked up along with her so she was assigned a private attorney. Today she was released on an ankle bracelet, and was unhappy she had to report for a UA at 6:00 am. I said I would accommodate her and I saw to it she spent her money she coned her dad out of. I was restless because with drug addicts the first 24 are a big problem.

Midnight I receive a call from her that she need $30.oo to pay “bro”, which was an actual drug debt, but she claims that the desperate dealer wants the money right away, he happened to stop by and that she called her tracker and put off the UA until 9:00, which is something I don’t understand because the time frame is not relevant to her debt. If I acquiesce to her wishes she can still be there by 6:00 am. Naturally I said no, she has called 16 times begging, pleading, that her dad will pay it back or this guy from Compton will kill her after waiting the better part of 6 months for 30 bucks, and he wants it now, or 5:00 am or now so he will go away because she is a snitch, or trouble, and she swears that she has not used, and
the latest call is that I got $100.00 for my birthday ( which helped offset the 200.00 in phone charges she accumulated), the tone I hear is one I’ve heard many times, the desperate tone of the user, wanting the opiate.

She paid for dinner, and her dad will reimburse me, (I believe), but I guess I struggle with finally pushing away from the dock and setting sail for another shore. It would be cheaper to pay the 30.00 and say goodbye now than to prolong it, so I cut the deal I drive over and drop off the thirty she changes her demeanor, and I’d bet there is her user friend inside, their plan fulfilled and I bet the GF thinks she has some mystic liquid that will clean her pipes in time for the UA, if she goes at all, she thinks that the ‘I’m too sick without a ride” will get her by.
The fantasy was fun while it lasted, if I get paid back cool, if not I got out cheap.

So late this afternon I get a call from a police office, she wanted to know where she was, she blew off the UA test, cut the ankle braclet and I was assigned the task to see if she was there, she was, she got irate and walked away, a dealer showed up picker her up, she walked back as the police showed up, she ws arrested and I spoke to the cop and they kind of played me but I didn't want anything serious to happen so i'm ok with it. still after all the time and money getting ready, writting letters to the judge and lawyers, all for nothing. The disease wins

Right cross to the solar plexus, one step back to catch my breath
she faces 18 months in the pokie

Shave and a Haircut 136 bits

I was driving along the road, heading home, deciding if I should do a little shopping for proper nourishment or hit the drive thru circuit, the voice on the radio was droning on about women’s basketball and how unimportant it is, without realizing that actual make it a topic makes it relevant. I notice a kid (re: about 19-21) holding a sigh waving it with the smallest of effort, looking very forlorn, very bored. It was a sign offering 6.99 haircuts, (it’s a barber college which goes by the name of Better U, I had often thought of going to a barber college but I had this irrational fear of having a bald head which actually happened once due to a faulty no. 7 guard). I circle around, drop in, why? Because, well I don’t know why, but I feel badly for the kid. I walk in, and I’m waiting at the front counter, there are about 15 people wearing these smocks, and no one is at the front, back in the office I can hear this conversation with this guy saying he is dating a porn star, and then backtracking that she really isn’t a porn star but has done porn, and he isn’t sure if that makes her a star, but yeah she done porn, and is fine. Apparently the guys in the office date strippers, (who apparently do porn on the side) they have lots of tattoos . The kind of look me over and call to the back and a man about my age comes up asks what I need and I ask for a shave and a haircut. I was seated and a very nice young man who was very polite, and he talked about opening his own place some day, there was something vaguely familiar about the part of the tattoo I could see, but he asked me how I wanted my hair (2 one the sides 8 on top spiked, square the bottom), he was hesitant about the shave but the man my age says he’ll help. He finishes the haircut and does an ok job, just needs some practice, but was very thorough. He never does the shave, but the teacher takes his time and shows him what to do (keep the skin tight), but I was a bit bothered by the lack of a usable blade with reach, the kid had a new blade, but was not prepped, the teacher finds a blade and pulls out an old leather strap, and I don’t see what he is doing, but he shaves me and does ok. I pay and pull out 6 bucks for a tip offer ½ to teacher, but he tells me to give it all to the kid to encourage him.

Back to the tattoos, the part I saw was the number 13, which is a gang reference, a discussion started as I sat down, which centered on someone going out to get a bite to eat and a few of the students couldn’t go because they had to see their PO, this started of a bunch of hoots and hollers on what a hassle it is to see a PO 3 times a week.

I guess I’ll go back, and I’m glad to see troubled youth learning a trade, cause people need to get their hair cut right?, and they looked like a bunch of youths livin in the moment, which took me back a few decades. Some people tell me if I’m not talking I have the stone face of a vato, where I get very animated talking

Thursday an 38 days to go

February 26, 2009

Ok today, but this morning, my attempt to give up my right to be offended was tempted and I probably failed. Last week I presented products, and they were defective and it was brought to my attention, I attempted to fix the problem, but an offended was more intent on complaining, that taking the correction I had in my hand, not wanting to enter into a verbal joust, I asked for the supervisor to contact me, I got a brief terse note back but her supervisors were cc’d, now I have to involve but I gave a synopsis of what happened but in about four hundreds words and my head honcho who used to be a radio guy made an off hand remark about brevity, maybe I should have twittered

Anyway
Steroid last night cheated with tortilla and butter
This morning 256
Tonight 116
I not eat late it is 11:00
I will pic, pic and post

Good night

39 to go

First day of lent, made it ok
Morning 156
Noon 123
Post work 158
Ate one sweet, no meat, played with the cat hope he will nap
11 bodies in a southwest city, storied past displayed for all to see
Lost more confusing, what is Jin’s role?
The cat scratches his nuggets away, then cleans him self
Work is hard, no help in sight, unpaid leave may happen, retirement delayed that case in ‘81 costs me to this day

give up the right to be offended

Part one a letter to my baby who’s doing time

Well babyish I’m at home, kitty an I played light a he ran in circles 3 times for up to 4 minutes at a time, and he appears all tuckered out, he is lying on the tubs looking at me eyes half open, 24 is on and it is really really silly this year. I miss you terribly it is very surreal the length of time you have been away, and you may be away till the end of summer. I have planned to take a week off for my birthday, and I am a co sponsor of a mass on the 24th which is Ccuz’s birthday. I was e-mailing with S2 and she is upset as well. I was thinking about Ccuz and I remembered how sickly he always was and while he thought he lived in Hcuz’s shadow, his presence shined brightly, it is still unbelievable tragedy and I think of you and how many chances you have left. Hiney, what are your plans when you get out? You got popped for a $5 rock, that’s pocket money, and I worry that the way economy is, things will be real bad by this summer. Already robberies are way up, and they are stupid robberies, I worry about your psyche, you still talk like you are a ghetto girl, and I’ve tried to joke about it but you need to watch it, I’m sure it is hard an since you are in country you really have no chance to practice and you have to be invisible in country an I understand why you speak like that on the phone, because you don’t write like that.

I really need some time off but there is never enough time to be off, ( I told you NI gave me 30.00 right, I guess she had the $$$ Friday but was having fun, being young, and S2 got really pissed at her, I called S2 as soon as I got home and she was relieved, she complained that “NI acts like we all here to serve her” which describes the average 22 yr old, funny to hear her talking like that, I think NI got careless with her w-2’ an expected S2 to cover her. she drove out here and her car is a cute college car, gets 35 miles to the gallon. It cost her $73.00 to drive here from Oz) I have the week of my revolution around the sun off, and I am going to try to do something (it was 73 today, but it had to be about 76 downtown, you sun just walked to the door, I think kitty gets hot he sometimes sleeps in the bathtub, but he still sleeps next to the heater, I was reading up on cats and I need to get him out more, maybe when I get home, I’ll just take him around the parking lot, I think that the cordless phone will go as far as the street, and that should cover you. I’m Sleepy it is 10:20 pm

2/24/2009

Song “peace sells but who’s buying”
Great head banging song
But I will go with back in black
Tomorrow Lent starts and I am trying to embrace the teachings rather than the traditions, but I do have some catfish soaked in generic “lea and Perkins” sauce. I met with the priest Saturday and I was a little nervous and I got there too early, so I sat in the courtyard and there was no one there, and some birds, first a robin I think and some smaller birds were there and they were flapping away in the water and I grabbed a moment of clarity that I need to get out more, and the kitty really needs to get out more. It was 76 degrees and it isn’t even March yet, (I can feel another snowstorm out there anyway). While I was waiting, marveling at the birds, I looked at the bulletin and it offered the opinion that instead of giving up sweets, I give up the right to be offended. That really hit me between the eyes, I still have regrets against people at work that go back years, wasted energy really,, this anger manifests in my downgrading my self, my enemies real an imagined bring me down by their very existence, not by acts or words, maybe career holdback, but I own a large portion of that. I think I’m too smart for my own good and, I am opinionated, I am harsh for shock value, but…

I see the priest and he is glad that I see my ego is holing me back an affecting my health which prevents me from spreading the love of Jesus, or the Love I have for Jesus from helping others, I gave a brief explanation of my grievance and he said he had been there and understands, but that when I find my self I a trough I need to remember that I am not there alone, I have the guidance of God, (probably the holy spirit0 and I need to make my way out to find my path.

Father is a great man, really lifted my spirit, so I have a mission, work the mind, then the body, I will try to keep the basic vital statistics so I may not post every day but I will try to keep an account

But tonight at 10:00
Bc 156
Wt 263

Good night

President Obama a hope for a new nation

01/20/2009

The day has arrived; President Obama and his wife are going through the ritual. Mass at the president’s church, now a coffee with Bush and Chaney at the white house, millions of people are ecstatic one end of the mall has closed (14th street entrance) it is full. The pictures of the National Mall are amazing; the news agencies are doing a good job showing the people celebrating both black and white in a virtual block party.

I sit at home, the cat even seems excited, waking me up at 6:00 (Mohammed Ali just showed up, its like 20 degrees, what are they thinking, Magic Johnson) as I was typing, the Cat woke me p at 6:00 and would not be denied, I thought I had forgotten to feed him last night, but I had not, In my enthusiasm I figured he wanted to see the pomp and pageantry, but when I turned on the TV he merely yawned and wanted a little attention. He is now looking outside from his high perch. I took the morning off, I wanted to be pensive I my thoughts, on the dawn of a new era. Pres Obama repeated a quote from Dr. King, that “if you are a street sweeper, you have a duty to be the best street sweeper ever”. I’ve heard this before, and I’ve tried to wrap my mind around it, it has never hit home, and it may be since I’ve heard it from supervisors over the years, but it is said as a warning
(they are showing the crowd and they are all chanting “Obama, Obama” and I have to say it is bring a tear to my eye, I just read Michael Moore’s blog and I am recalling Olbermann’s admonition of Bush, saying because he allowed war crimes, we re also guilty of war crimes, fair point but I hoop Keith backs down a bit. Bush and Chaney will get theirs, likely in the same manner that Reagan did not get to enjoy the fruits of the empire he built, and did not have to answer for his errors)

But as a warning it is meaningless, I need to stop getting creamed, I need to stop birching about my situation, I need to let the situation with Gf work its self out, embrace my place one step at a time, seize the cards I am dealt, take better of myself, organize my self, walk the kitty, see the family, change the attitude, take the train trip, see the left coast, reduce the load, pay down the burden

28 years ago a old man declared, it is morning in America, Today it is the Dawn of a new America, for the first time I am older than the President, this is our time, this is our place, this is our struggle, the old and the new come out the door, preceded by the war criminals, with little a hour to go, I am struck by my failures, but I am hopeful, the enthusiasm will follow, and I will do my part

Time to get down to work

Musings of a near full moon

So it is a Sunday night and I am not hung over or feeling the effects of a nuclear mind blowing liquid experiment designed by a functional literate liver failing or reasonable facsimile thereof drunken fool waiting for 24 to start after a bizarre weekend of football upsets, a disappointing full moon that was supposed to a spectacular lunar event, but was not anything more to me that the usual beautiful full moon that happens every month and is an amazing event at it 9the moon) rises over the mountains and is breathtaking every time no matter how often I see it, but you have to look upwards, looking down on the ground only gets you pennies or nickels dropped by hapless souls or in the rare event a dollar, although I once found 5 bucks which I gave to the child of a coworker as part of an amends that I need to make from a monumental day many years ago, a day which repeated itself in infamy and led me on a branch, while split many times , remains with me today although many of the cool details remain livid, albeit distant as a smile from a beauty queen during Tuesday afternoon preliminaries at the county fair queen, an event which will land the winner a job and date with the county commissioner, and the runners up go back to the farm, to dream of the day that got away as they butcher the food that makes its way to our table for consumption, digestion, excrement and flushing, a process that illuminates the need for healthy diet