September 8, 2004
The big news is that the death toll hit over 1000 yesterday. It's a bizarre number to look at. The song “4 dead in Ohio” needs to be rewritten. Far more people die from smoking, alcoholism, drug abuse, and drunk driving. But the number gives pause to how they died. I can't escape the feeling in the pit of my stomach that there is no reason for that number to be that high in the same sense that the number of deaths from drunk driving is inexcusable. There is no reason for it.
I never like it when someone tries to scare me into submission. At work it isn't blatant but if a policy comes along I question or outright question the effectiveness of the action or its practicality on moral. "If you don't like it, work somewhere else" and in my case it isn't said to demean but to subjugate because there is no real boss, not really, its all part of a budget. The budget dominates.
I can't help think that is the driving force behind the initial action. Drop a few bombs from storage, activate a few hundred thousand reserves, and move a few troops and it will be over quickly before it costs too much. It would give the impetus to increase the budget: more bombs, trains, weapons, contracts, kickbacks, votes, foreign sales, etc. Everyone wins
So now we are there, cries of “more money for the boys” and it is anti-American to question the funding. The head Coconut is looking for more nuts to fuel the killing fields of Iraq. The real criminals are those that would take the rear entry from the administration because they are too scared to admit culpability in what is happening. Why do I hear voices that tell me that Republicans believe Jesus is an American?I wanted to write this to motivate myself to write and lose weight. I have many miles to work out, many pounds to lose, many motivational affirmations to get my ass in gear to be what I should be. What ever that is. 1001 dead sounds like a cleaning product
Wednesday, November 27, 2024
The night I met the Judge's daughter
February 24, 2011
Today is the DA’s birthday, and while get got her present on Valentine’s Day (her valentine’s present was given on 02/01/2011) tonight it is takeout from Applebee’s. I am sad to report that I have been gaining weight lately and it is because I am having home cooked meals, still having trouble with stress related binging on candy bars which are expensive considering that the vending machine doles them out at a buck a piece. The commission for the blind runs the vendor license, and I suppose that is a good thing, but since Blind people get an extra tax break where do they get off selling a Baby Ruth for a buck?. Cut back on the sugar, cut back on the smokes, cut back on the portions, don’t buy premade meals, etc.
I’d starting this in the morning and adding to it when a memory become clear, there is only one radio station that comes through and it is the oldies station, I was never a fan of Do woop or silly 60’s songs but I am starting to gather a intense hatred. In boarding school a close pal used to sing love potion #9 in the shower, it sounded great in the shower, that song plays 3-4 time in a 10 hour period, and I wonder where is 34’th and vine and is it significant to the song?
I first met the DA on a spring night in 1978, after transferring back to the local school system, and as I have mentioned there was talk I had been at a reform school, and since I didn’t want the hassle I let it go. R____ came up to me and said hello, and I didn’t remember him but he said I got in a pen fight with him in Jr. high and he had a blue line on his forearm which was advantageous because it was picture day, so his school picture shows the blue line on his arm, a few years after we reconnected later his mom chided me for ruining his school picture, she was sort of joking (like most people who met me back then she was convinced I was always stoned).
I kept hearing about the Judge’s daughter, she became an almost mythical character, “guess what the Judge’s daughter said last night, she said she might like me”, she was always know as the PT (prick tease although I don’t think that phrase has gone out of favor), and R_____ had a few friends at school who spoke about her in derogatory yet still reverent terms. Who is this Judge’s daughter, what powers over HS boys does she have, now as I said I was a loner and I really didn’t cultivate any particular look except “stay away” (except for M_____ which is another story). There were lots of pretty girls and I had zero self confidence, but people thought I was smart and I had just come from a place where I lived on campus and there were 70 in my class to a city School where there was about 800 in the class. Not that I was a Romeo, I was in the dorms and dates were out of the question, and there was a couple of gal I liked that were in my time zone , but I was a Head banger back then with a heavy Pink Floyd influence, and I thought dancing was against the code, and if there was anything I would change it would be my attitude towards dancing, I couldn’t dance and as the DA told me years ago, most guys can’t dance, but girls put up with it and suppress their laughter because girls like to move and dance when they are kids and learn their seductive moves early, and guys usually don’t start dancing until they have to and use the same move no matter what the tempo is. If I was a dancer then … well my life would have moved in different direction even if it was lat as college.
One fateful night that spring, R____ and J____ showed op on a Friday night and asked if I wanted to go cruising to Eastdale and South U and the Judge’s Daughter and her friend B____ might be there, we got to Eastdale and went to the Mickey’s across the street, suddenly she was spotted, we went to the car and drove around in a circle and we pulled next to her facing in the opposite direction, we chatted and I looked at her and she was cute, a chatter box, and she looked at me batted her eyes, and asked if I was Valdez (back in the day we fellas called each other by our last name, wonder if that still happens), she then asked if I was a mexican and I started to asked her WTF and she said “You better behave or I’ll tell my dad”,”go ahead “ I say, well then she said something I would never forget, she invited me to go along and the guys said “No don’t do it”, (I still don’t know why, but I can guess), the Judge’s daughter said “come along you might get lucky”, I start to climb out of the car and she rolls up her window and takes off in her jeep with the wooden front bumper. “dude, what I tell ya, she is a real PT” says R_________-
We met a few times and ended up working next to each other, but that is for another day
Today is the DA’s birthday, and while get got her present on Valentine’s Day (her valentine’s present was given on 02/01/2011) tonight it is takeout from Applebee’s. I am sad to report that I have been gaining weight lately and it is because I am having home cooked meals, still having trouble with stress related binging on candy bars which are expensive considering that the vending machine doles them out at a buck a piece. The commission for the blind runs the vendor license, and I suppose that is a good thing, but since Blind people get an extra tax break where do they get off selling a Baby Ruth for a buck?. Cut back on the sugar, cut back on the smokes, cut back on the portions, don’t buy premade meals, etc.
I’d starting this in the morning and adding to it when a memory become clear, there is only one radio station that comes through and it is the oldies station, I was never a fan of Do woop or silly 60’s songs but I am starting to gather a intense hatred. In boarding school a close pal used to sing love potion #9 in the shower, it sounded great in the shower, that song plays 3-4 time in a 10 hour period, and I wonder where is 34’th and vine and is it significant to the song?
I first met the DA on a spring night in 1978, after transferring back to the local school system, and as I have mentioned there was talk I had been at a reform school, and since I didn’t want the hassle I let it go. R____ came up to me and said hello, and I didn’t remember him but he said I got in a pen fight with him in Jr. high and he had a blue line on his forearm which was advantageous because it was picture day, so his school picture shows the blue line on his arm, a few years after we reconnected later his mom chided me for ruining his school picture, she was sort of joking (like most people who met me back then she was convinced I was always stoned).
I kept hearing about the Judge’s daughter, she became an almost mythical character, “guess what the Judge’s daughter said last night, she said she might like me”, she was always know as the PT (prick tease although I don’t think that phrase has gone out of favor), and R_____ had a few friends at school who spoke about her in derogatory yet still reverent terms. Who is this Judge’s daughter, what powers over HS boys does she have, now as I said I was a loner and I really didn’t cultivate any particular look except “stay away” (except for M_____ which is another story). There were lots of pretty girls and I had zero self confidence, but people thought I was smart and I had just come from a place where I lived on campus and there were 70 in my class to a city School where there was about 800 in the class. Not that I was a Romeo, I was in the dorms and dates were out of the question, and there was a couple of gal I liked that were in my time zone , but I was a Head banger back then with a heavy Pink Floyd influence, and I thought dancing was against the code, and if there was anything I would change it would be my attitude towards dancing, I couldn’t dance and as the DA told me years ago, most guys can’t dance, but girls put up with it and suppress their laughter because girls like to move and dance when they are kids and learn their seductive moves early, and guys usually don’t start dancing until they have to and use the same move no matter what the tempo is. If I was a dancer then … well my life would have moved in different direction even if it was lat as college.
One fateful night that spring, R____ and J____ showed op on a Friday night and asked if I wanted to go cruising to Eastdale and South U and the Judge’s Daughter and her friend B____ might be there, we got to Eastdale and went to the Mickey’s across the street, suddenly she was spotted, we went to the car and drove around in a circle and we pulled next to her facing in the opposite direction, we chatted and I looked at her and she was cute, a chatter box, and she looked at me batted her eyes, and asked if I was Valdez (back in the day we fellas called each other by our last name, wonder if that still happens), she then asked if I was a mexican and I started to asked her WTF and she said “You better behave or I’ll tell my dad”,”go ahead “ I say, well then she said something I would never forget, she invited me to go along and the guys said “No don’t do it”, (I still don’t know why, but I can guess), the Judge’s daughter said “come along you might get lucky”, I start to climb out of the car and she rolls up her window and takes off in her jeep with the wooden front bumper. “dude, what I tell ya, she is a real PT” says R_________-
We met a few times and ended up working next to each other, but that is for another day
Retirement in 30 days 08/30/2016
My failure career is over in 30 days, all I have is a sweet pension and a 100 lbs to lose.
Homeless day 141 and a funny Memory
In 1993, Gail and I went to the Lobo Game. I think it was the Air Force game. I got the tickets from someone at work. We were on the top row. We had only been dating about 4 months, so everything was still fun.
Gail had a period of her life where she "dated" a lot, and I can't judge cause, if I was good looking and could get women to buy me things and they would have let me enjoy their company, I would have at every opportunity.
Gail had her fair share of opportunities, I wish she had taken better care of her appointment books. Would have made for good stories, I don't remember all the names.
The football team had just finished a terrible season. A promising coach Dennis Franchione, from a small division 2 school in Texas was hired. He was going to be displayed at halftime. He was standing at the top row, flanked by UNM athletic dignitaries. People taking pictures. Gail saw him, and didn't remember his picture was in the paper.
She got excited and told me " I know him, I think I slept with him" people turned around and stared.
" He's the new football coach, and I don't think you've had time to add him to your list"
She laughed and blushed.
The Lobos just named their new Coach, and I was offered tickets to tonight's game. cause it's one of those games people give away their tickets to.
I miss that Gail. I saw her a few days ago, she cut off all her hair and took a shower. She looked good for a 80 year old man.
I've accepted what she is, I need to accept who I will be
Homeless day 182
It's been a while, Gail has gone through several bags of clothes. An extra 500.00, recent 500.00 that lasted 2 days, and several hospital stays that last until she doesn't get the meds she wants. I got a call that she was in hospital the day after another hospital was looking for her bec6she walked out before they finished her treatment for abscess from injections, ( which she denys).
I saw her Friday, got a call from her health care, she was kicked out of ER at Kaseman for pulling out IV. A very nice person JUV, waiting with her, I told him I have her meds an $5.00.
She tapped on window, I ignored her, JUV thanked me. I left. I texted him and asked if she had any clothes, he didn't know.
I got her 2pants, 2 shirts, hoodie 3 pair socks.
She looks terrible , is getting breathing treatments every 4 hours.
Saw her today, took her waffle stompers, she complained, the nurse asked why she has abscess on both hips. I thought it was obvious, gail made a shooting motion at her arm, I remarked that she uses dirty needles.
I dressed her, and remarked " I usually take your pants off, not put them on"
She asked how much money she is getting for her birthday, I said none, she got unhappy, and I left.
I was having lunch with E--.
I missed her call, a cell phone call came in, I couldn't hear. I knew what happened, but waited, called at 6pm. She isn't in there anymore. I told E-- I'll probably have to pay for funeral. if she lives to my 60th. I'll be stunned.
Heroin wins again
Friday, August 26, 2022
Sunday, April 12, 2020
Covid-19 Quarantine Day 30
Well its been 30 days, I've left a few times to resupply. Mom is terrified, if we leave we have to wash down and change clothes.
My TBI Sister is restless and believes Jesus will protect her. She wants to do laundry. MA said no and she ignored her. She can't ignore me. Last year she threatened me when Ma was in San Diego, she honestly believed she could kick my ass and took a swing at me and smacked me in the face. Out of pure instinct I punched her in the shoulder and she went down. I politely informed her if she wants to fight i will accommodate her.
No birthday this year, but I'm almost 60. A dear friend from. MCCURDY sent me some money, and I decided last night to buy 20 pair of underwear.
I can't do laundry
People seem to be doing well, we are together, I hope it lasts
The Cats: The Wiz, Crooked the Cat, Sally the Instigator. And Luda the Cris are a great source of entertainment
Trump is a real asshole
Tuesday, December 24, 2019
My Christmas story for 2019
A very old and dear friend of mine, has been in contact with me a lot. His dad is getting sick, and my friend is slowly preparing for the inevitable.
We go way back , hard to believe how long it's been. One of the very original Chales, a subversive group of ner do well kids, whose crimes and misdemeanors are plainly silly in retrospect.
My friend has been hungry and homeless before HS, and being hungry at an early age drove him to make as much money as he could, and he saved much of it. He was always fearful he would lose everything.
This drive ruined his health. We had many discussions over the years, and he always was overly impressed I got a degree and later retired from a job I didn't particularly like.
As you know I made a life decision regarding Gail, and for the most part, I've been slowly staying true to my plan. Gail is the one who moved on. A homeless addict, is much like a deer in the woods. Survival is a daily struggle. No time to say " I love you for sentimental reasons " it's hard to say goodbye.
As he talked me off the wall metaphorically, and I did the same for him. He always says he was " lucky " to be in financial stability, and I reminded him he worked very hard and the physical and mental told it took out on him. He always thanked me and told me how important our friendship is.
I've always sent him cards with the theme, I'm his uncle Danny and the cards were definitely not meant to be seen, and I'd add a dollar or two dollar bill, and I'd write horrible things and alter the picture in a very juvenile manner. He said he has every one
The last week he asked for my address m, even though he knows it and said he put an important note on the card, he kept calling to see if I got it.
I got it and it had a "C-NOTE", a hundred dollars.
He was very emotional and didn't want me to think he was looking down on me, he just wanted for me to have some fun money and he now thinks he'll be ok, he finally got married and feels safe for probably the 1st time ever.
We have some insane plans after we turn 62.
This CHRISTMAS, I wish all of you the Love you seek, the family binds that may frustrate, but keep you sane. I pray you find the peace if mind I am seeking, and the friends i am fortunate to have.
We live in troubled times, and I hope it will not define our reason to hope. No matter which side of the aisle we sit, and I realize my opinion is eating at my soul.
As I get older, I see my only opponent is Time.
I am grateful to you who spend your time with me and are part of what I call
"The Danny V experience:
Peace and Love to you all
Danny V.
We go way back , hard to believe how long it's been. One of the very original Chales, a subversive group of ner do well kids, whose crimes and misdemeanors are plainly silly in retrospect.
My friend has been hungry and homeless before HS, and being hungry at an early age drove him to make as much money as he could, and he saved much of it. He was always fearful he would lose everything.
This drive ruined his health. We had many discussions over the years, and he always was overly impressed I got a degree and later retired from a job I didn't particularly like.
As you know I made a life decision regarding Gail, and for the most part, I've been slowly staying true to my plan. Gail is the one who moved on. A homeless addict, is much like a deer in the woods. Survival is a daily struggle. No time to say " I love you for sentimental reasons " it's hard to say goodbye.
As he talked me off the wall metaphorically, and I did the same for him. He always says he was " lucky " to be in financial stability, and I reminded him he worked very hard and the physical and mental told it took out on him. He always thanked me and told me how important our friendship is.
I've always sent him cards with the theme, I'm his uncle Danny and the cards were definitely not meant to be seen, and I'd add a dollar or two dollar bill, and I'd write horrible things and alter the picture in a very juvenile manner. He said he has every one
The last week he asked for my address m, even though he knows it and said he put an important note on the card, he kept calling to see if I got it.
I got it and it had a "C-NOTE", a hundred dollars.
He was very emotional and didn't want me to think he was looking down on me, he just wanted for me to have some fun money and he now thinks he'll be ok, he finally got married and feels safe for probably the 1st time ever.
We have some insane plans after we turn 62.
This CHRISTMAS, I wish all of you the Love you seek, the family binds that may frustrate, but keep you sane. I pray you find the peace if mind I am seeking, and the friends i am fortunate to have.
We live in troubled times, and I hope it will not define our reason to hope. No matter which side of the aisle we sit, and I realize my opinion is eating at my soul.
As I get older, I see my only opponent is Time.
I am grateful to you who spend your time with me and are part of what I call
"The Danny V experience:
Peace and Love to you all
Danny V.
Tuesday, December 17, 2019
Homeless day 30-Goodbye Gail
August 27, 2019
I let Gail go a month ago.
This would have been 27th anniversary, after pleading and begging Gail decided she rather live in Los Altos Park and live in addiction. I care for her deeply, but she is a far cry from the gal in this picture from 1979.
It was a long and winding friendship and later relationship. I've been going to Nar alon and it's giving me perspective on the opiod crisis that is sweeping the nation.
I see commercials on not giving up on addiction and the people that suffer, but being on the other side isn't easy. It's been a long and strange journey. If she ever finds salvation, we'll probably be friends, but its clear she has moved on from me, all her memories were thrown out by her family and they tapped out completely.
She had special soul, an infectious personality that will serve her well on the streets, and a kinship with spirituality that may save her, but a distant reality I cant see the end of the road. she is an original Chale, but the joke we shared isn't funny anymore.
I'll miss her, I know if she recovers she'll stay away, apropos as many of my friends have been telling me for years it's time to move on, and its finally time to say...
CHALE ON
Friday, October 04, 2019
Homeless day 67
October 4, 2019
12:30
It has been raining all day, and I slept in with Crooked the Cat at my side. I got up was getting ready for a shower. Gail called and sounded scared, was cold. She wanted a blanket, hat and the clothes she thinks are in the trunk.
She threatened to get Crooked the Cat and Sally.She has birth certificate. She called 3 times and I have a hoodie she gave me years ago ( stole it) and a heavy blanket I needed when we lived together and has ink stains. My sister gave a scarf I gave her for Christmas ( don't know why she added this info) and a knot beanee.
I gave her 10.00 and the items. She complained about her situation, asked me to take her for hot chocolate, but I refused, tried to get a picture when I left but the rain distorted it, missed a good shot when I pulled up with her head down. She refuses a shelter.
Friday, August 30, 2019
Homeless day 33
Gail called yesterday, she wanted to meet today, but I was noncommittal. She doesn't want money, she wants to see me. Her mom won't take her calls and according to her her phone is off the hook.
She said people throw money at her, she doesn't want money from me, will not go to shelter because she isn't clean, and she needs to see me. She asked what day it is and I told her. She remembers the anniversary that is not to be.
Her voice was flat no sign of the Gail I know
Tuesday, August 27, 2019
Homeless day 30
Goodbye Gail
August 27, 2019
I let Gail go a month ago.
This would have been 27th anniversary, after pleading and begging Gail decided she rather live in Los Altos Park and live in addiction. I care for her deeply, but she is a far cry from the gal in this picture from 1979.
It was a long and winding friendship and later relationship. I've been going to Nar alon and it's giving me perspective on the opiod crisis that is sweeping the nation.
I see commercials on not giving up on addiction and the people that suffer, but being on the other side isn't easy. It's been a long and strange journey. If she ever finds salvation, we'll probably be friends, but its clear she has moved on from me, all her memories were thrown out by her family and they tapped out completely.
She had special soul, an infectious personality that will serve her well on the streets, and a kinship with spirituality that may save her, but a distant reality I cant see the end of the road. she is an original Chale, but the joke we shared isn't funny anymore.
I'll miss her, I know if she recovers she'll stay away, apropos as many of my friends have been telling me for years it's time to move on, and its finally time to say...
CHALE ON
Friday, August 23, 2019
Homeless day 26
August 23. 2019
Sleeping in late, really late , like 2:00 pm late, phone rings, its Gail but I can't hear her, I sent text, and she calls back she has no money. Food, all her stuff stolen, I knew I should have kept social security stuff. But I say no I'm sick. And what 520.00 did she get her money she doesn't know anything and if I don't take her food and money she is coming by to get cats, and I hung up
Saturday, August 17, 2019
Homeless day 20
Gail called and had me pick up money. Including the SSA paperwork to recertify, she has 520.00. She looks really old. Gave her a powerade bottle of fruit juice. A gal came out and was yelling at her, probably thought she stole it from the Chevron. Don't know her anymore, last night B---- and I ate at Frontier. School starts Monday, but it was moving in day. Lots of young pretty gals, 40 years ago I was a freshman. 39 years ago Gail was freshman at KKG. Driving to school , I was in turn lane and a bunch of gals walked in front of me. I yelled out but she didn't hear me. The fraternity system turned her in to a drug addict, promiscuous, wasted life. Got an "I love you" as she walked away, rang hollow
So it goes
Thursday, August 15, 2019
Homeless day 18
Gail called this morning, surprise surprise. She wanted 40 bucks, then 10, then 5 bucks and 3 sausage mcmuffin, soda, and a cafe frappuccino for Audrey. She is letting her stay there a while. She sorted through the clothes I washed. She turned down the shoes and socks because the shoes were too big.
She looks really dirty.
She doesn't want me to pick up money because she knows I won't rip her off, but her street personality say I will jack her.
She has a social security letter, hopefully she will use the services available to her.
Yesterday was Anniversary of cheap trick concert in 1979, and Gail lighting my hair on fire, and Gail giving my car away in 1992.
Aubrey is the gal who kept breaking the windows and got the house condemned.
Chale on
Monday, August 12, 2019
Homeless day 11, 12, 13
Missed call from Walmart, private number, 2 calls from Donut mart. Wanted money and complained about footwear
Hard to believe I knew her, some memory fade, but the near kiss at the rock house and working next to Arby's where Phil came on her stomach, wish bbn I knew the story but phil drowned
Sent letter to Gail about laundry when she picks up ssi money and letter to betts address to see if forwarded
Went to narc alon, many lost and unhappy people
Friday, August 09, 2019
Meeting Zen August 9, 2009
My folks left on Aug 1 for a trip and I stopped by to get the mail and feed the feral mama kitty and the inside Cat, and the Feral mama cat didn’t run and watched me refill the food and top off the water dish.
I am always fascinated by watching animals eat and drink water, I don’t know why, it is a moment of tranquility in which they exist a fragile moment of the existence of conscience which end with the slightest of movement or strange noise.
I watched her eat for 4 days after which he would lie on the concrete or lawn chair and I would leave. She was a no show Thursday but the dish was empty, I filled it to the brim, Friday no kitty, Saturday no Kitty and I asked my sister if she had fed the kitty and she said she had not seen the black one but had seen the gray Feral kitty eating. ( Zen's mom)
Today I stopped by and there was a little food in the dish but no mama feral kitty. Feral cats have a very short life, but since this one didn’t have to cross the street and had several places to hid and sleep in the area I thought it would have up to 5 years of existence and I felt a spiritual connection to it, I don’t know why, I suppose because it would be nice to have two cats so my current Lord of the Estate would have a companion, but my lord has indicated that this will not happen.
The mama cat feral will probably show up once she hears my mom’s voice, but if she joined the universe, then it is fate, and for what ever it is worth she brought joy into my parents life, my life and the kitties brought a warm feeling to whom ever held them.
I feel sadness not so much for the cat mama feral, because we never really had a connection, but because I am taking a much needed vacation and My kitty will be staying at a kitty hotel which will cost as much as the rental car because how do I justify not getting the absolute best accommodations for kitty including a kitty connection where I can call Kitty and they will hold the phone up to the kitty so he can hear my voice, which 3 years ago I would have said are you F#$%ing kidding me, that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of, but now I have a guilt complex.
I considered getting a nice room and driving and taking the cat with me , but if for some reason the cat escaped and got loose I would be suicidal. So Kitty hotel, extra TLC care, pet insurance, outside shots for an inside cat, I’m down like 500.00, 275 for the rental car to go exploring , 500.00 for the train (I’m a romantic at heart) to san diego.
A big trip to see how my sister and niece lives, I’m stressed because I will miss some of the goals I set for work, and I wasted the last three weeks doing nothing when I could have cleaned the apt, finished moving from 18 months ago, I need to finish photographing my stuff so the rental insurance I bought will cover, ( I expect the worst in life).
I’ve packed my daily stuff and I am too paranoid to use the big bag because I am afraid Amtrak will lose it because I have to switch to a commuter train in LA so I have three bags including my laptop to cram enough stuff for 7 days plus the C-pap machine, and I am freaking that something will go wrong at both ends like a apt fire which destroys everything I own insurance or no insurance and an earthquake will destroy California as the train pulls into LA. Never mind I get weirded out by the number of unemployed I see, the homeless begging for change to use for food, shelter, and drugs, the total psychos I see on TV convinced that a health care program will turn us into communists, make Soylent Green a reality, and see strange looking people on TV screaming that their country is going down hill never mind they are likely on SSI which is a socialist program
I really need this vacation
just after coming home from the clinic
PS Zen disappeared Valentine's day 2017
A good kitty who gave me my daily moment of Zen
Meeting Zen August 9, 2009
My folks left on Aug 1 for a trip and I stopped by to get the mail and feed the feral mama kitty and the inside Cat, and the Feral mama cat didn’t run and watched me refill the food and top off the water dish. I am always fascinated by watching animals eat and drink water, I don’t know why, it is a moment of tranquility in which they exist a fragile moment of the existence of conscience which end with the slightest of movement or strange noise. I watched him eat for 4 days after which he would lie on the concrete or lawn chair and I would leave. She was a no show Thursday but the dish was empty, I filled it to the brim, Friday no kitty, Saturday no Kitty and I asked my sister if she had fed the kitty and she said she had not seen the black one but had seen the gray Feral kitty eating. Today I stopped by and there was a little food in the dish but no mama feral kitty. Feral cats have a very short life, but since this one didn’t have to cross the street and had several places to hid and sleep in the area I thought it would have up to 5 years of existence and I felt a spiritual connection to it, I don’t know why, I suppose because it would be nice to have two cats so my current Lord of the Estate would have a companion, but my lord has indicated that this will not happen. The mama cat feral will probably show up once she hears my mom’s voice, but if she joined the universe, then it is fate, and for what ever it is worth she brought joy into my parents life, my life and the kitties brought a warm feeling to whom ever held them. I feel sadness not so much for the cat mama feral, because we never really had a connection, but because I am taking a much needed vacation and My kitty will be staying at a kitty hotel which will cost as much as the rental car because how do I justify not getting the absolute best accommodations for kitty including a kitty connection where I can call Kitty and they will hold the phone up to the kitty so he can hear my voice, which 3 years ago I would have said are you F#$%ing kidding me, that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of, but now I have a guilt complex, I considered getting a nice room and driving and taking the cat with me , but if for some reason the cat escaped and got loose I would be suicidal. So Kitty hotel, extra TLC care, pet insurance, outside shots for an inside cat, I’m down like 500.00, 275 for the rental car to go exploring , 500.00 for the train (I’m a romantic at heart) to san diego. A big trip to see how my sister and niece lives, I’m stressed because I will miss some of the goals I set for work, and I wasted the last three weeks doing nothing when I could have cleaned the apt, finished moving from 18 months ago, I need to finish photographing my stuff so the rental insurance I bought will cover, ( I expect the worst in life), I’ve packed my daily stuff and I am too paranoid to use the big bag because I am afraid Amtrak will lose it because I have to switch to a commuter train in LA so I have three bags including my laptop to cram enough stuff for 7 days plus the C-pap machine, and I am freaking that something will go wrong at both ends like a apt fire which destroys everything I own insurance or no insurance and an earthquake will destroy California as the train pulls into LA. Never mind I get weirded out by the number of unemployed I see, the homeless begging for change to use for food, shelter, and drugs, the total psychos I see on TV convinced that a health care program will turn us into communists, make Soylent Green a reality, and see strange looking people on TV screaming that their country is going down hill never mind they are likely on SSI which is a socialist program
I really need this vacation
just after coming home from the clinic
Homeless day 11
A friend Vic saw Gail at the Dollar Tree. She was denied access, she had a backpack and went to sit on a curb.
She gets 520.00 soon, will likely be a tragic event, but she could find a place to stay and maybe turn her life around.
She gets 520.00 soon, will likely be a tragic event, but she could find a place to stay and maybe turn her life around.
UPDATE 1:05 pm
She called from Home Depot, wanted a ride and some help which means she isn't getting out of the car unless she gets money, probably a 100.00 with promise to pay later when she gets her 500.00. I told her I was on my way go get a CT scan and she got pissed off asked what time it was and hung up.
Didn't ask what was wrong and I didn't get a chance to tell her that I have clean clothes
she is gone
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