Sunday, April 19, 2009

Life its own self




It is a Sunday afternoon, 11:22 am, there is a grand prix race on TV where there are 4 classes of cars, but I can’t keep track and it is just on for ambient background noise for the cat, I have head phones on and I am catching up on all the podcasts on my shuffle I need to catch up on, most of them are 3-4 minutes, the cat climbed between a sheet I have covering the couch, ( the texture irritates my arms and legs) sometimes the cat for what ever reason burrows his was in-between and is attacking something, I thought it might be an insect, but I have yet to find one and after his attack he goes to sleep, so be it.

Recently an incident reminded me that there is life outside my own sphere of selfishness. There have been many stories of shootings in the news, there was even a family killed last week. Starting with the killing of 4 cops in Oakland, 3 in Pittsburg, Immigration center in NY, and 3-4 families scattered throughout the US. The reasons given were varied, some feared (or so they claimed) the loss of their guns, so their response was to kill a bunch of people. Some lost their job and instead of d=facing the struggle head on they killed their kids, which is a very common murder-suicide going ways back to the depression, another common one is the marriage disintegrates, usually over money, and the man kills the kids, kills himself and sends a message that he hopes her new love is worth it. It is not lost on me that a few days ago the 2nt remembrance if Virginia tech and tomorrow is the 10th of columbine.

I don’t understand this level of thinking; I read an article that the rate of mass murders hasn’t really changed. What has changed? We have become numb, these things don’t even really grab out attention. A school shooting may capture out notice, but it is usually the police reaction, or the anticipation for a video or note explaining why he did it. A distant war, economic collapse, frustration with out elected leaders over the last 12 or so years, all this puts us a fingertip out of reach of compassion. On a local level we all do something to help out, even if it is a donation, as a society we tend to come together to help when asked, but it aren’t always humans. The interchanges on the interstate have been rebuilt and the critters that lived in the area (prairie dogs and the like) were relocated and I checked to see what happens and I saw links to no-kill groups and they had web-pages that showed kitties and puppies of every shape and age, and they are asking for 25-100 a month. These bother me a bit, I can see putting up the cost of a single animal running about 250.00 a year, but I don’t know the scope of the no kill shelters. The pages are set up like those commercials for cute kids that have nothing and a $10.00 a month pledge will provide vaccinations, schooling, and meals. This has the opposite effect where I wonder if the same kid has several sponsors, or if it is an economy of scale scenario. I always have a bad feeling when I hear of an animal suffering, but if someone is found dead it goes over my head if I don’t recognize the name. A couple of weeks ago I was driving in the predawn darkness and saw a cat that I had seen darting across the road on many times, lying in the road, I circled back and honked the horn and he didn’t move so I continued on to work and I felt bad I returned to see if I could move him before he became part of the road and he was already gone, and I am hopeful that his owner took him.

This is a long way of getting to something that happened a couple of weeks ago. But first backtrack a year or so. According to the source, the cry of a desperate and very hungry was uttered by a black cat, a black cat already lives at the residence. My mom hates to see animals suffer and when she noticed the cat only had ½ a tail she started to feed it and it would disappear, return eat, and eventually would sleep on the front or back porch, this confused because I once came to visit saw the cat on the porch, who ran as I approached and I entered the house, saw another black cat. My mom told me that the outside cat won’t let them get near it but it cries in the morning and it broke my mom’s heart. Fast foreword over a year, the cat we thought was a he, is a she and left kitties, 3 of them, in the shed. My mom put them in a towel and the cat moved them to the garage, my mom put a towel and the cat moved them to a very tiny space next to a vent. So the cat has had a warm place all Along to sleep during the winter.

Here is the problem, there are three kitties that have to be given away and we all know what happens to kitties who go to the pound, and now the cat has to go because it would be cruel to let it continue to reproduce. But the cat is feral and no one will want it so it will be put down. Now I have no emotional attachment to the cat, but I feel a connection. The cat was doing what cats do, especially wild one, pure existence, sleep, breath, eat where ever it can, and part of it is reproduction. I could not stand by and let the human society take the cat and put it down, and I understand that there are too many cats out there, and the cat will likely not live much longer, but it gives my mom a purpose in the morning, and my dad also likes when the cat cries in the morning, but does not like the other cats coming around for a free meal.

I checked and it is possible to set a trap and get the cat fixed and it is very cheap, and the cat can be released the next day. Problems one solved, the kitties may have homes, I am hopeful, and that is a problem I will address later.

A co worker is an animal activist but does not like no kill shelters, she thinks is kinder to put animals down than to subject them to foraging for a living, or get a warm home, plenty to eat, and cast out on their own when they have to move or become inconvenient. That is cruelty, it isn’t right to do that to an animal and there are parts if the city where there are colonies of dogs and cats that are abandoned and eke out a lying aided by well meaning people who won’t let the will ones get trapped.

The essence of existence is to think, to survive, and to live; if I get the cat fixed she can not make more kitties, obviously has a place to stay warm, and brings a measure or normalcy to the household. If the cat dies in an accident, it is fate and while the cat does not have the consciousness to know what I will do, it will sleep, wake up, slep in the sun, and live.

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Right cross to the solar plexus,


Perhaps you are aware of the current predicament on the relationship front; perhaps some of you have dealt with someone who has a substance abuse problem. If you have, you know it is a never ending problem. The conspicuous consumption of the drug addict is something is a wonder to behold, the value of a dollar holds no merit, but a targetable aberration. The stories spun to obtain the opiate dream challenge the sincerity of the Academy Award nominations. My beloved who has spent the better part of 3 seasons incarcerated in the county jail for what is essentially using a controlled substance and a device to deliver the controlled substance. The first go around was a 5 month stay, a Nolo contendere plea, and a suspended sentence just in time for the thanksgiving holiday.

Upon release I picked her up, promises were made and we went to my place to consume turkey and a movie that has a special place in my heart. After about 2 hours, a claim of fatigue was made, and she was transported to her home to clean and get acclimated to freedom, or so she said. Within the hour she has violated probation, reintroduced the opiates to her synapse, and was back in the saddle again. Four days later, back in jail, same charge, but a habitual offender was added. Her friends were picked up along with her so she was assigned a private attorney. Today she was released on an ankle bracelet, and was unhappy she had to report for a UA at 6:00 am. I said I would accommodate her and I saw to it she spent her money she coned her dad out of. I was restless because with drug addicts the first 24 are a big problem.

Midnight I receive a call from her that she need $30.oo to pay “bro”, which was an actual drug debt, but she claims that the desperate dealer wants the money right away, he happened to stop by and that she called her tracker and put off the UA until 9:00, which is something I don’t understand because the time frame is not relevant to her debt. If I acquiesce to her wishes she can still be there by 6:00 am. Naturally I said no, she has called 16 times begging, pleading, that her dad will pay it back or this guy from Compton will kill her after waiting the better part of 6 months for 30 bucks, and he wants it now, or 5:00 am or now so he will go away because she is a snitch, or trouble, and she swears that she has not used, and
the latest call is that I got $100.00 for my birthday ( which helped offset the 200.00 in phone charges she accumulated), the tone I hear is one I’ve heard many times, the desperate tone of the user, wanting the opiate.

She paid for dinner, and her dad will reimburse me, (I believe), but I guess I struggle with finally pushing away from the dock and setting sail for another shore. It would be cheaper to pay the 30.00 and say goodbye now than to prolong it, so I cut the deal I drive over and drop off the thirty she changes her demeanor, and I’d bet there is her user friend inside, their plan fulfilled and I bet the GF thinks she has some mystic liquid that will clean her pipes in time for the UA, if she goes at all, she thinks that the ‘I’m too sick without a ride” will get her by.
The fantasy was fun while it lasted, if I get paid back cool, if not I got out cheap.

So late this afternon I get a call from a police office, she wanted to know where she was, she blew off the UA test, cut the ankle braclet and I was assigned the task to see if she was there, she was, she got irate and walked away, a dealer showed up picker her up, she walked back as the police showed up, she ws arrested and I spoke to the cop and they kind of played me but I didn't want anything serious to happen so i'm ok with it. still after all the time and money getting ready, writting letters to the judge and lawyers, all for nothing. The disease wins

Right cross to the solar plexus, one step back to catch my breath
she faces 18 months in the pokie