My Christmas story for 2019

A very old and dear friend of mine, has been in contact with me a lot. His dad is getting sick, and my friend is slowly preparing for the inevitable.
We go way back , hard to believe how long it's been. One of the very original Chales, a subversive group of ner do well kids, whose crimes and misdemeanors are plainly silly in retrospect.
My friend has been hungry and homeless before HS, and being hungry at an early age drove him to make as much money as he could, and he saved much of it. He was always fearful he would lose everything.
This drive ruined his health. We had many discussions over the years, and he always was overly impressed I got a degree and later retired from a job I didn't particularly like.
As you know I made a life decision regarding Gail, and for the most part, I've been slowly staying true to my plan. Gail is the one who moved on. A homeless addict, is much like a deer in the woods. Survival is a daily struggle. No time to say " I love you for sentimental reasons " it's hard to say goodbye.
As he talked me off the wall metaphorically, and I did the same for him. He always says he was " lucky " to be in financial stability, and I reminded him he worked very hard and the physical and mental told it took out on him. He always thanked me and told me how important our friendship is.

I've always sent him cards with the theme, I'm his uncle Danny and the cards were definitely not meant to be seen, and I'd add a dollar or two dollar bill, and I'd write horrible things and alter the picture in a very juvenile manner. He said he has every one

The last week he asked for my address m, even though he knows it and said he put an important note on the card, he kept calling to see if I got it.
I got it and it had a "C-NOTE", a hundred dollars.

He was very emotional and didn't want me to think he was looking down on me, he just wanted for me to have some fun money and he now thinks he'll be ok, he finally got married and feels safe for probably the 1st time ever.

We have some insane plans after we turn 62.

This CHRISTMAS, I wish all of you the Love you seek, the family binds that may frustrate, but keep you sane. I pray you find the peace if mind I am seeking, and the friends i am fortunate to have.
We live in troubled times, and I hope it will not define our reason to hope. No matter which side of the aisle we sit, and I realize my opinion is eating at my soul.
As I get older, I see my only opponent is Time.
I am grateful to you who spend your time with me and are part of what I call
"The Danny V experience:
Peace and Love to you all

Danny V.

Homeless day 141 and a funny Memory

In 1993, Gail and I went to the Lobo Game.  I think it was the Air Force game.  I got the tickets from someone at work.  We were on the top row.  We had only been dating about 4 months, so everything was still fun.

Gail had a period of her life where she "dated" a lot, and I can't judge cause,  if I was good looking and could get women to buy me things and they would have let me enjoy their company,  I would have at every opportunity. 

Gail had her fair share of opportunities,  I wish she had taken better care of her appointment books.  Would have made for good stories,  I don't remember all the names.

The football team had just finished a terrible season. A promising coach Dennis Franchione,  from a small division 2 school in Texas was hired.  He was going to be displayed at halftime.  He was standing at the top row, flanked by UNM athletic dignitaries.   People taking pictures.   Gail saw him, and didn't remember his picture was in the paper.

She got excited and told me " I know him, I think I slept with him" people turned around and stared. 

" He's the new football coach, and I don't think you've had time to add him to your list"

She laughed and blushed.

The Lobos just named their new Coach, and I was offered tickets to tonight's game. cause it's one of those games people give away their tickets to.

I miss that Gail. I saw her a few days ago, she cut off all her hair and took a shower.   She looked good for a 80 year old man.

I've accepted what she is, I need to accept who I will be

Cheap trick, dead battery, found wallet, and 13 years later a stolen car

Homeless day 30-Goodbye Gail

August 27, 2019
I let Gail go a month ago.
This would have been 27th anniversary, after pleading and begging Gail decided she rather live in Los Altos Park and live in addiction. I care for her deeply, but she is a far cry from the gal in this picture from 1979.
It was a long and winding friendship and later relationship. I've been going to Nar alon and it's giving me perspective on the opiod crisis that is sweeping the nation.
I see commercials on not giving up on addiction and the people that suffer, but being on the other side isn't easy. It's been a long and strange journey. If she ever finds salvation, we'll probably be friends, but its clear she has moved on from me, all her memories were thrown out by her family and they tapped out completely.
She had special soul, an infectious personality that will serve her well on the streets, and a kinship with spirituality that may save her, but a distant reality I cant see the end of the road. she is an original Chale, but the joke we shared isn't funny anymore.
I'll miss her, I know if she recovers she'll stay away, apropos as many of my friends have been telling me for years it's time to move on, and its finally time to say...
CHALE ON

Homeless day 67

October 4, 2019

12:30
It has been raining all day, and I slept in with Crooked the Cat at my side. I got up was getting ready for a shower. Gail called and sounded scared, was cold. She wanted a blanket, hat and the clothes she thinks are in the trunk.
She threatened to get Crooked the Cat and Sally.She has birth certificate. She called 3 times and I have a hoodie she gave me years ago ( stole it) and a heavy blanket I needed when we lived together and has ink stains. My sister gave a scarf I gave her for Christmas ( don't know why she added this info) and a knot beanee.
I gave her 10.00 and the items. She complained about her situation, asked me to take her for hot chocolate, but I refused, tried to get a picture when I left but the rain distorted it, missed a good shot when I pulled up with her head down. She refuses a shelter.

Homeless day 33

Gail called yesterday, she wanted to meet today, but I was noncommittal.   She doesn't want money,  she wants to see me.  Her mom won't take her calls and according to her her phone is off the hook.
She said people throw money at her, she doesn't want money from me, will not go to shelter because she isn't clean, and she needs to see me.  She asked what day it is and I told her.  She remembers the anniversary that is not to be.
Her voice was flat no sign of the Gail I know

Homeless day 30

Goodbye Gail

August 27, 2019
I let Gail go a month ago.
This would have been 27th anniversary, after pleading and begging Gail decided she rather live in Los Altos Park and live in addiction. I care for her deeply, but she is a far cry from the gal in this picture from 1979.
It was a long and winding friendship and later relationship. I've been going to Nar alon and it's giving me perspective on the opiod crisis that is sweeping the nation.
I see commercials on not giving up on addiction and the people that suffer, but being on the other side isn't easy. It's been a long and strange journey. If she ever finds salvation, we'll probably be friends, but its clear she has moved on from me, all her memories were thrown out by her family and they tapped out completely.
She had special soul, an infectious personality that will serve her well on the streets, and a kinship with spirituality that may save her, but a distant reality I cant see the end of the road. she is an original Chale, but the joke we shared isn't funny anymore.
I'll miss her, I know if she recovers she'll stay away, apropos as many of my friends have been telling me for years it's time to move on, and its finally time to say...
CHALE ON

Homeless day 26

August 23. 2019
Sleeping in late,  really late , like 2:00 pm late, phone rings, its Gail but I can't hear her, I sent text, and she calls back she has no money. Food, all her stuff stolen, I knew I should have kept social security stuff. But I say no I'm sick. And what 520.00 did she get her money she doesn't know anything and if I don't take her food and money she is coming by to get cats, and I hung up

Homeless day 20

Gail called and had me pick up money.  Including the SSA paperwork to recertify,  she has 520.00.  She looks really old.  Gave her a powerade bottle of fruit juice.   A gal came out and was yelling at her, probably thought she stole it from the Chevron.   Don't know her anymore,  last night B---- and I ate at Frontier.   School starts Monday,  but it was moving in day.  Lots of young pretty gals, 40 years ago I was a freshman.   39 years ago Gail was  freshman at KKG.  Driving to school , I was in turn lane and a bunch of gals walked in front of me.  I yelled out but she didn't hear me.  The fraternity system turned her in to a drug addict,  promiscuous,  wasted life.  Got an "I love you" as she walked away, rang hollow
So it goes

Homeless day 18

Gail called this morning,  surprise surprise.   She wanted 40 bucks, then 10, then 5 bucks and 3 sausage mcmuffin,  soda, and a cafe frappuccino  for Audrey.   She is letting her stay there a while.  She sorted through the clothes I washed. She turned down the shoes and socks because the shoes were too big.
She looks really dirty.
She doesn't want me to pick up money because she knows I won't rip her off,  but her street personality say I will jack her.
She has a social security letter, hopefully she will use the services available to her.
Yesterday was Anniversary of cheap trick concert in 1979, and Gail lighting my hair on fire, and Gail giving my car away in 1992.
Aubrey is the gal who kept breaking the windows and got the house condemned.
Chale on

Homeless day 11, 12, 13

Missed call from Walmart, private number,  2 calls from Donut mart. Wanted money and complained about footwear
Hard to believe I knew her, some memory fade, but the near kiss at the rock house and working next to Arby's where Phil came on her stomach,  wish bbn I knew the story but phil drowned

Sent letter to Gail about laundry when she picks up ssi money and letter to betts address to see if forwarded
Went to narc alon, many lost and unhappy people

Meeting Zen August 9, 2009

My folks left on Aug 1 for a trip and I stopped by to get the mail and feed the feral mama kitty and the inside Cat, and the Feral mama cat didn’t run and watched me refill the food and top off the water dish.
I am always fascinated by watching animals eat and drink water, I don’t know why, it is a moment of tranquility in which they exist a fragile moment of the existence of conscience which end with the slightest of movement or strange noise.
I watched her eat for 4 days after which he would lie on the concrete or lawn chair and I would leave. She was a no show Thursday but the dish was empty, I filled it to the brim, Friday no kitty, Saturday no Kitty and I asked my sister if she had fed the kitty and she said she had not seen the black one but had seen the gray Feral kitty eating. ( Zen's mom)
Today I stopped by and there was a little food in the dish but no mama feral kitty. Feral cats have a very short life, but since this one didn’t have to cross the street and had several places to hid and sleep in the area I thought it would have up to 5 years of existence and I felt a spiritual connection to it, I don’t know why, I suppose because it would be nice to have two cats so my current Lord of the Estate would have a companion, but my lord has indicated that this will not happen.
The mama cat feral will probably show up once she hears my mom’s voice, but if she joined the universe, then it is fate, and for what ever it is worth she brought joy into my parents life, my life and the kitties brought a warm feeling to whom ever held them.
I feel sadness not so much for the cat mama feral, because we never really had a connection, but because I am taking a much needed vacation and My kitty will be staying at a kitty hotel which will cost as much as the rental car because how do I justify not getting the absolute best accommodations for kitty including a kitty connection where I can call Kitty and they will hold the phone up to the kitty so he can hear my voice, which 3 years ago I would have said are you F#$%ing kidding me, that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of, but now I have a guilt complex.
I considered getting a nice room and driving and taking the cat with me , but if for some reason the cat escaped and got loose I would be suicidal. So Kitty hotel, extra TLC care, pet insurance, outside shots for an inside cat, I’m down like 500.00, 275 for the rental car to go exploring , 500.00 for the train (I’m a romantic at heart) to san diego.
A big trip to see how my sister and niece lives, I’m stressed because I will miss some of the goals I set for work, and I wasted the last three weeks doing nothing when I could have cleaned the apt, finished moving from 18 months ago, I need to finish photographing my stuff so the rental insurance I bought will cover, ( I expect the worst in life).
I’ve packed my daily stuff and I am too paranoid to use the big bag because I am afraid Amtrak will lose it because I have to switch to a commuter train in LA so I have three bags including my laptop to cram enough stuff for 7 days plus the C-pap machine, and I am freaking that something will go wrong at both ends like a apt fire which destroys everything I own insurance or no insurance and an earthquake will destroy California as the train pulls into LA. Never mind I get weirded out by the number of unemployed I see, the homeless begging for change to use for food, shelter, and drugs, the total psychos I see on TV convinced that a health care program will turn us into communists, make Soylent Green a reality, and see strange looking people on TV screaming that their country is going down hill never mind they are likely on SSI which is a socialist program

I really need this vacation

just after coming home from the clinic

PS Zen disappeared Valentine's day 2017
A good kitty who gave me my daily moment of Zen

Meeting Zen August 9, 2009

My folks left on Aug 1 for a trip and I stopped by to get the mail and feed the feral mama kitty and the inside Cat, and the Feral mama cat didn’t run and watched me refill the food and top off the water dish. I am always fascinated by watching animals eat and drink water, I don’t know why, it is a moment of tranquility in which they exist a fragile moment of the existence of conscience which end with the slightest of movement or strange noise. I watched him eat for 4 days after which he would lie on the concrete or lawn chair and I would leave. She was a no show Thursday but the dish was empty, I filled it to the brim, Friday no kitty, Saturday no Kitty and I asked my sister if she had fed the kitty and she said she had not seen the black one but had seen the gray Feral kitty eating. Today I stopped by and there was a little food in the dish but no mama feral kitty. Feral cats have a very short life, but since this one didn’t have to cross the street and had several places to hid and sleep in the area I thought it would have up to 5 years of existence and I felt a spiritual connection to it, I don’t know why, I suppose because it would be nice to have two cats so my current Lord of the Estate would have a companion, but my lord has indicated that this will not happen. The mama cat feral will probably show up once she hears my mom’s voice, but if she joined the universe, then it is fate, and for what ever it is worth she brought joy into my parents life, my life and the kitties brought a warm feeling to whom ever held them. I feel sadness not so much for the cat mama feral, because we never really had a connection, but because I am taking a much needed vacation and My kitty will be staying at a kitty hotel which will cost as much as the rental car because how do I justify not getting the absolute best accommodations for kitty including a kitty connection where I can call Kitty and they will hold the phone up to the kitty so he can hear my voice, which 3 years ago I would have said are you F#$%ing kidding me, that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of, but now I have a guilt complex, I considered getting a nice room and driving and taking the cat with me , but if for some reason the cat escaped and got loose I would be suicidal. So Kitty hotel, extra TLC care, pet insurance, outside shots for an inside cat, I’m down like 500.00, 275 for the rental car to go exploring , 500.00 for the train (I’m a romantic at heart) to san diego. A big trip to see how my sister and niece lives, I’m stressed because I will miss some of the goals I set for work, and I wasted the last three weeks doing nothing when I could have cleaned the apt, finished moving from 18 months ago, I need to finish photographing my stuff so the rental insurance I bought will cover, ( I expect the worst in life), I’ve packed my daily stuff and I am too paranoid to use the big bag because I am afraid Amtrak will lose it because I have to switch to a commuter train in LA so I have three bags including my laptop to cram enough stuff for 7 days plus the C-pap machine, and I am freaking that something will go wrong at both ends like a apt fire which destroys everything I own insurance or no insurance and an earthquake will destroy California as the train pulls into LA. Never mind I get weirded out by the number of unemployed I see, the homeless begging for change to use for food, shelter, and drugs, the total psychos I see on TV convinced that a health care program will turn us into communists, make Soylent Green a reality, and see strange looking people on TV screaming that their country is going down hill never mind they are likely on SSI which is a socialist program

I really need this vacation

just after coming home from the clinic

Homeless day 11

A friend Vic saw Gail at the Dollar Tree. She was denied access, she had a backpack and went to sit on a curb. 
She gets 520.00 soon, will likely be a tragic event,  but she could find a place to stay and maybe turn her life around.

UPDATE 1:05 pm

She called from Home Depot, wanted a ride and some help which means she isn't getting out of the car unless she gets money, probably a 100.00 with promise to pay later when she gets her 500.00.  I told her I was on my way go get a CT scan and she got pissed off asked what time it was and hung up.

Didn't ask what was wrong and I didn't get a chance to tell her that I have clean clothes

she is gone

Homeless day 8 and 9

Havent heard a word, debating if I should sent test letter to betts address.  Her clothes are clean I have an old garment bag so they can stay dry

Homeless Day 9

Gail called 8:36, she was raped, said she called cops and hung up.  She had time to answer question about going to hospital. And she didn't but talked to cops.

I sent a message to her friends Keith and Yoli, and I got a response that they asked her to watch stuff and she sold it and they lost everything and want some kind of compensation.

I can't believe anything but he did say he didn't think she was assaulted because they watch out for each other.
Don't know what to believe

Homeless Day 5 snookered and an empty wallet

1100 Target/Los Altos August 2, 2019
A very hungry and dirty Gail was at the Target, she had her shoes off. Demanded 40.00 once in car. Drove her to Los Altos I gave her all I had, stupid of me to have 40.00, and she yelled at me about her situation. She is in total homeless mode, after 4 days she has the homeless tan, gave her about 20 energy bars.
Went and bought fruit and soda for ma
Hot dogs and soda from cosco
UNM Hospital called for her, couldn't detail why but I told them she lives In Los Altos with a backpack and a blanket , the gal said "oh really! We'll have to figure something out" I told her she is in total homeless mode and had a breakdown and I had to bribe her to leave my car"

Liver scans, Allergy shots. Toenail recovery, invoice for keys, and lost chance to do Laundry

It is hard to be motivated when you dont have to be anywhere. I had a Liver Scan I thought at 8 o'clock, it was 8:30 so I cooled my heels. My friend MRI tech extraordinaire suggested I get the dictation. Mary the ultrasound gal, must have been in a bad mood. I got a indifferent attitude,  she also listened to  country music. Got positive reinforcement for holding my breath.
I came home and my mom is still watching the murders on El Paso, it seems real to her and she didn't understand why the bodies were left there 3 days. I had no answer.
She was bothered by a family looking for Grandma and finally today they acknowledged her body was inside the Walmart. Took a nap and it was too hot.
Went to a Nar-alon meeting, it's of people hoping for change. Full of pain.
Got Allergy shot, they have the worst bookkeeping,  I owe anywhere from a1.87 to about 40 bucks, and I have a credit

Homeless Day 8

Havent heard from Gail since Saturday night,  she called from the Owl cafe saying she is cold with no jacket.  I started to tell her due to hijacking my car for 40 bucks I cant help but she hung up.  Got her stinky clothes from storage,  but I had a liver scan this morning and I didn't sleep well last night, so I didn't do laundry. 
I got a new Gym bag and plan to give my old one.  Debated if I should get a gray sharpie and write her name and my number.
Lost the tiny receipt for the Gym bag, but I used debit card.
Strange how easy it is to not talk to someone. Never did that before.  Regret is a bitter pill.
Hope I haven't damaged my body.  Hope Gail gets right.

Homeless Day 7

No new news, after liver scan, I hope to wash my shirts and her stinky clothes.   Found a jacket,  hope she got the boots cause they aren't in the shed.  Hard to remember her as a girl friend.   Positive reinforcement from a gal going to south Africa.  I am blessed with good friends

Dayton is now famous for something other than airplane

Woke up to another shooting.  Nine dead 20 injured,  if he was 5 seconds faster, he gets inside the bar... probably 50 dead.   Cops got him in 30 seconds.   Most killed are black, killed his own sister.  Likely a sociopath,  wanted to kill in HS.  Republicans are preaching mental health care.
So it goes...

Down in the West Texas Town of El Paso

Another shooting, this one in El Paso.  20 dead 26 injured,  and he went to a walmart filled with back to school shoppers.  The bodies are still on site.  He has ties to white supremacists and used some kind of rifle.

America winning under trump.

Homeless day 6

A really bad day in El Paso, just before the news broke-there was a person on Eubank overpass threatening to jump.  I hoped it was Gail, well at 648 I knew it wasn't.  Gail would leave my car yesterday unless she got cash or I'd have to go to an ATM.  I gave her my emergency money and she berated me in front of her homeless homeys, I guess to prove how tough she is.
It rained pretty hard and it will be a chilly night
She called from the owl cafe letting me know she has no coat, I told her not only is it not my problem,  I dont really care because of what she did.  She hung up
I miss the dial tone.

Homeless day 5

Haven't heard anything, sister said someone rang door bell at 5 am, but no one was there.  Don't think it was Gail,  her aunt lives across the street.   Tempted to go to Los Altos, or go to Amberly Inn and see if they know anything.  Scared like when little John's apartment manager called to let me know he hadn't been seen for 3 days and I didn't go in but he shot himself and the cops found the body.  2 days later I went on to let his brother get his stuff and his brains were all over the walls and ceiling.  Smelled terrible.
Hope she is ok

Retirement in 30 days 08/30/2016

My failure career is over in 30 days, all I have is a sweet pension and a 100 lbs to lose.

Big Toe Eviscerated

, I Had an ingrown Toenail,  and I waited a couple days before I made an appointment.  He looked at the toe and I got a referral for a podiatrist.  Also got a referral for a liver scan and stress test, more details about this at a later date.  I
had a hard time falling asleep,  only slept about 5 hours, and I was still drowsy after the shower.  I managed to grab a 30 minute nap, and headed to the Journal Clinic.
Not a lot of traffic at 7:30 which surprised me, I guess it picks up later: it will be 3 years since retirement next month.
I was early and they got to me right away.  The medical assistant name is I------ and we chatted a bit, his goal is to become a Physican's Assistant .  I wished him well.  The Doctor is a tall, thin  elderly man.  I found it oddly comforting,  as opposed to a younger man, in that I assumed him to be vastly experienced.
We had a brief chat, he took a look, and numbed the foot with 2 shots which hurt like hell.  I couldn't really tell what he was doing, but I watched him cut into my toe, oddly like watching a you tube video.
Took 5 minutes.  Wrapped my toe and gave me a bandage sock, if that makes any sense.  Tomorrow I soak my foot 2x in Epson salts for 10 days.  Told me to use a nail clipper, and to wash my feet.  Diabetes and all.  Took a hour nap listening to 1984.  Crooked the Cat was smelling my foot and napped with me.
I feel as though a giant weight has been lifted from my shoulders.   2 more doctors to go.
PS my brain damaged sister took a call from someone with an accent from the subcontinent and they got her name, address, last 4 of her social,  before I walked by and I told her to hang up.  I'm sure by now there are several credit cards in her name.
She also lost her keys and went ballistic when I asked her if she retraced her steps, but had not called the bus company to report lost keys, and didn't grasp the concept.  May have to get locks changed.
She was a total asshole before her accident,  and is 10x the asshole since, except she has Jesus on her side

Homeless day 4

Gail called 1000 pm and said she was at the hospital but was being discharged.  She spoke quickly, and didn't give me a chance to speak.  About 20 seconds.
Having an ingrown toe nail worked on today.  I'm afraid it's gonna hurt.
Still processing the last image of her sitting by herself head down, it looked like her situation suddenly became real. She told the maid "Danny don't like me anymore "

Homeless day 3

Gail had me pick up what little she had. She didn't want clean clothes, tried to get 40.00 so I closed and locked doors and wouldn't let her in, gave her 12.00 and she was talking to her self as I left. On eubank she had her head down and it would have been a good farewells shot, surrounded by a blanket, a broken grocery cart, sitting on curb. Reality has set in.  She has very little, kept syringes

Letting go

My love, my inspiration is alone
After years of trying to help her, I ran out of money.  Abandoned by family, she is alone , only her drug addiction and fellow addicts to keep her company

Ruben Navarrette can eat my shorts

I took my mom to the DMV to renew her license, there was a paper nearby and I read a column by Ruben Navarrette.  He is self described as the leading Latino columnist in America, this is like winning an ass kicking contest with a one legged man.  He wrote a column that he has no empathy for federal workers suffering during the furlough.  Why? I thing he needed self gratification that he is an important man, like the trolls who make incendiary comments on social media and have an orgasm when people respond.  He claims that he had a hard life and his ancestors thought work was "sacred"  I quickly typed out a response and couldn't get his email to work from my phone so I sent it to my self and then him.  this is my reply

I never know if a columnist writes a provocative piece to get a reaction,  is generally upset, or is a malcontent.  Maybe you feel the anger of your ancestors crying a river from the grave.

In any case, for the record, I retired from a state government job two years ago, I am Hispanic,  and if Ancestry dna tests are accurate, I am 51% European,  but the dominant is 37% Native American.  I don't have any attachment to a tribe.

I really don't see what your point is other than to complain about you and your family lot in life, and assuming federal workers are living off the fat of the land like the commerce secretary.  In this regard you and he are like two peas in a pod.  You assume the furloughed employees don't work hard, or think "work is sacred ",  capricious thinking at best, I have friends in Fresno and this kind of thinking isn't prevalent from what I saw.

We all have our stories and demons, and I admit i took a Government job because I saw my Dad's life destroyed when someone bought the company he worked at and sold the assets laying off 100 workers.  I doubt he expected you or any one to have empathy for him.  He just wanted to work.  I too worked about 13, vacuuming Aunt's beauty shop, putting leaflets on doors,  windshields,  later summer youth programs,  washing dishes, fast food in college,  etc...You shouldn't brag about a hard life when federal employees lose their income,  it makes you look like an A$$. 

I've been ambivalent about you columns,  it doesn't strike a chord with me, it could be that being a Hispanic in NM is very different than being from California.  I'm typing this on a phone while my 84 year old mother is renewing her driver's license.   So I'll end with her favorite comment.  " You should put a P on your Frente. so people know what you are thinking "

name withheld

Read  xxxxx Journal 

#rubenNavarette