Homeless day 26

August 23. 2019
Sleeping in late,  really late , like 2:00 pm late, phone rings, its Gail but I can't hear her, I sent text, and she calls back she has no money. Food, all her stuff stolen, I knew I should have kept social security stuff. But I say no I'm sick. And what 520.00 did she get her money she doesn't know anything and if I don't take her food and money she is coming by to get cats, and I hung up

Meeting Zen August 9, 2009

My folks left on Aug 1 for a trip and I stopped by to get the mail and feed the feral mama kitty and the inside Cat, and the Feral mama cat didn’t run and watched me refill the food and top off the water dish.
I am always fascinated by watching animals eat and drink water, I don’t know why, it is a moment of tranquility in which they exist a fragile moment of the existence of conscience which end with the slightest of movement or strange noise.
I watched her eat for 4 days after which he would lie on the concrete or lawn chair and I would leave. She was a no show Thursday but the dish was empty, I filled it to the brim, Friday no kitty, Saturday no Kitty and I asked my sister if she had fed the kitty and she said she had not seen the black one but had seen the gray Feral kitty eating. ( Zen's mom)
Today I stopped by and there was a little food in the dish but no mama feral kitty. Feral cats have a very short life, but since this one didn’t have to cross the street and had several places to hid and sleep in the area I thought it would have up to 5 years of existence and I felt a spiritual connection to it, I don’t know why, I suppose because it would be nice to have two cats so my current Lord of the Estate would have a companion, but my lord has indicated that this will not happen.
The mama cat feral will probably show up once she hears my mom’s voice, but if she joined the universe, then it is fate, and for what ever it is worth she brought joy into my parents life, my life and the kitties brought a warm feeling to whom ever held them.
I feel sadness not so much for the cat mama feral, because we never really had a connection, but because I am taking a much needed vacation and My kitty will be staying at a kitty hotel which will cost as much as the rental car because how do I justify not getting the absolute best accommodations for kitty including a kitty connection where I can call Kitty and they will hold the phone up to the kitty so he can hear my voice, which 3 years ago I would have said are you F#$%ing kidding me, that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of, but now I have a guilt complex.
I considered getting a nice room and driving and taking the cat with me , but if for some reason the cat escaped and got loose I would be suicidal. So Kitty hotel, extra TLC care, pet insurance, outside shots for an inside cat, I’m down like 500.00, 275 for the rental car to go exploring , 500.00 for the train (I’m a romantic at heart) to san diego.
A big trip to see how my sister and niece lives, I’m stressed because I will miss some of the goals I set for work, and I wasted the last three weeks doing nothing when I could have cleaned the apt, finished moving from 18 months ago, I need to finish photographing my stuff so the rental insurance I bought will cover, ( I expect the worst in life).
I’ve packed my daily stuff and I am too paranoid to use the big bag because I am afraid Amtrak will lose it because I have to switch to a commuter train in LA so I have three bags including my laptop to cram enough stuff for 7 days plus the C-pap machine, and I am freaking that something will go wrong at both ends like a apt fire which destroys everything I own insurance or no insurance and an earthquake will destroy California as the train pulls into LA. Never mind I get weirded out by the number of unemployed I see, the homeless begging for change to use for food, shelter, and drugs, the total psychos I see on TV convinced that a health care program will turn us into communists, make Soylent Green a reality, and see strange looking people on TV screaming that their country is going down hill never mind they are likely on SSI which is a socialist program

I really need this vacation

just after coming home from the clinic

PS Zen disappeared Valentine's day 2017
A good kitty who gave me my daily moment of Zen

Meeting Zen August 9, 2009

My folks left on Aug 1 for a trip and I stopped by to get the mail and feed the feral mama kitty and the inside Cat, and the Feral mama cat didn’t run and watched me refill the food and top off the water dish. I am always fascinated by watching animals eat and drink water, I don’t know why, it is a moment of tranquility in which they exist a fragile moment of the existence of conscience which end with the slightest of movement or strange noise. I watched him eat for 4 days after which he would lie on the concrete or lawn chair and I would leave. She was a no show Thursday but the dish was empty, I filled it to the brim, Friday no kitty, Saturday no Kitty and I asked my sister if she had fed the kitty and she said she had not seen the black one but had seen the gray Feral kitty eating. Today I stopped by and there was a little food in the dish but no mama feral kitty. Feral cats have a very short life, but since this one didn’t have to cross the street and had several places to hid and sleep in the area I thought it would have up to 5 years of existence and I felt a spiritual connection to it, I don’t know why, I suppose because it would be nice to have two cats so my current Lord of the Estate would have a companion, but my lord has indicated that this will not happen. The mama cat feral will probably show up once she hears my mom’s voice, but if she joined the universe, then it is fate, and for what ever it is worth she brought joy into my parents life, my life and the kitties brought a warm feeling to whom ever held them. I feel sadness not so much for the cat mama feral, because we never really had a connection, but because I am taking a much needed vacation and My kitty will be staying at a kitty hotel which will cost as much as the rental car because how do I justify not getting the absolute best accommodations for kitty including a kitty connection where I can call Kitty and they will hold the phone up to the kitty so he can hear my voice, which 3 years ago I would have said are you F#$%ing kidding me, that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of, but now I have a guilt complex, I considered getting a nice room and driving and taking the cat with me , but if for some reason the cat escaped and got loose I would be suicidal. So Kitty hotel, extra TLC care, pet insurance, outside shots for an inside cat, I’m down like 500.00, 275 for the rental car to go exploring , 500.00 for the train (I’m a romantic at heart) to san diego. A big trip to see how my sister and niece lives, I’m stressed because I will miss some of the goals I set for work, and I wasted the last three weeks doing nothing when I could have cleaned the apt, finished moving from 18 months ago, I need to finish photographing my stuff so the rental insurance I bought will cover, ( I expect the worst in life), I’ve packed my daily stuff and I am too paranoid to use the big bag because I am afraid Amtrak will lose it because I have to switch to a commuter train in LA so I have three bags including my laptop to cram enough stuff for 7 days plus the C-pap machine, and I am freaking that something will go wrong at both ends like a apt fire which destroys everything I own insurance or no insurance and an earthquake will destroy California as the train pulls into LA. Never mind I get weirded out by the number of unemployed I see, the homeless begging for change to use for food, shelter, and drugs, the total psychos I see on TV convinced that a health care program will turn us into communists, make Soylent Green a reality, and see strange looking people on TV screaming that their country is going down hill never mind they are likely on SSI which is a socialist program

I really need this vacation

just after coming home from the clinic

Tuesday with the fat man

Well another holiday gone no more holidays till May today is January 19th and I'm a very sad panda. Did the weigh in weight at 249 wrote the orherof the stuff down but it didn't stick I didn't save it somehow anyway I'm mad at the world again I'm out of the DA the day supposed to get me money today but we'll see still haven't talked about what happened a couple weeks ago it still too painful when we today off to get a workout in and start my BMI is 1000006 I hope you're all doing fine I didn't sleep well but then again when do I. I saw Zen morning so this new black cat looks pregnant morning.  I hate everything about everything

Farewell to an old Kitty

March 21, 2011

4 days till 50. I’m not as bummed as I thought I would be

A farewell to Lucky the kitty that lived at my parent’s house. I never really knew him, he usually hid when visitors came over, his name was actually Bennie, my mom and dad called him Kitty, but I called him Lucky. I got to know him a little when I moved in. I would see him in the morning around 6:00 am when I fed the mama cat, he would slowly walk over and stare at me, stare at the dish, and I would get him the wet food. He usually had ½ a can in the fridge, which puzzled me because Lucky barely weighed 5 lbs but mom said he was 18 and was getting ready to die. He would eat the can and while I was eating my breakfast and would stare at me and I would always open a new can and he would eat it all. Eventually I would give him whatever was left at night when I took my shower, and we would have a little chat and scratch.

He used to sleep in the closet where I’m staying and when I closed the door at night he used to tap the door to come in and tap it to go out. He started sleeping in the shower and my mom said he goes in there to drink the water. He looked really old and moved really slow and if he felt annoyed he would slowly walk away.

He loved my mom and dad, when my mom was in the hospital he cried every night at her bed and that really hit home with my dad and made my mom’s absence real. When mom came home Lucky was happy and stayed by her side. When mom got better he would sit on the couch between them until it was time for bed and let them know it was time for lights out.

The last couple of weeks I knew his time was about over, when I fed and sang with the Mama cat (who is a feral cat I had spayed) he would watch from the door, and last Thursday he sauntered over and ate from the mama cat’s food and the Mama cat moved over and let him eat, I was really touched by this, and it was the last time I saw him really involved in his surroundings. Friday morning he looked at me a usual but there seemed to be sadness about him, he didn’t sing like normal and he kept eating and drinking real slow. When I came home that night he was missing and came out late at night, and slept in his litter box. He slept the rest of the weekend and stayed in one spot, and didn’t respond when stroked. Sunday night we all knew he wasn’t happy and it was time. Monday he saw a vet and joined the universe. I remembered I had taken a photo of him and got some copies and the reality hit home he was leaving. This morning I said goodbye and by 10:00 he was gone, the idea he might be throw in the trash bothered my mom so arrangements were made to have him cremated with other kitties and ashes spread in the mountains.

Finally, why I called him Lucky, my sister got a cat and was living with a sociopath when she couldn’t take it she moved in with my parents, this was about 15 years ago. The cat got out and my sister was very upset and called the pound daily. Finally she got a call the cat was there and came home. The Cat took to the surroundings especially my parents, when they were petting him they noticed he had no claws, the wrong Kitty came home, but since the new kitty bonded with my parents and my sister didn’t notice the difference. He stayed, a comfort to my parents, a sometime companion to my sister, and a part of the family. The house seems empty without you Lucky, I truly hope you didn’t suffer anymore than you wanted to, and I appreciate you letting us know it was time

The days of Ashes, Dust, the DA

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Weekend Blues

I’m sitting in the Erna Fergusson Library using the free wi-fi because the Farmville game put me over my allotted gigabytes. Currently I am downloading the Norton Utilities, because my free trial expired a few months ago and I am tired of collecting product CD’s and boxes that take up space that could be used for interesting bottles I find or use. I used to have a very cool beer bottle collection but the DA said “you are 45 years old, get rid of it”….. grrrrrr “yes dear”, mainly because I never got around to numbering the bottles and forgot the significance of the bottles or the beer that once was inside them, I suppose it doesn’t matter but some of the beers aren’t available, or available around here anyways. The DA has had a couple of interesting days, Thursday her birthday started out ok, but she got her meds and did a soma coma. She called about 4:00 and sounded three sheets to the wind. So Applebee’s was out, and that was a relief to me, she called later and sounded worse and she kept calling. Friday was another strange day, the DA had smokes, her cash from her dad, but had no shampoo, she demanded the shampoo or else my stuff goes in the street, again, I flat told her no and told her to grow up, later “kitty” called and said mom is sorry and feels bad, later calls indicated she was on another soma coma.

Sat

I slept in a bit, and by sleeping in I mean I awoke at 8:00. The DA called and wanted when was I gonna be there and deliver the shampoo, I told her to let me get acclimated
To the day and I was not emotionally ready to venture outward into the light, naturally she asked “what the hell does that mean” and I bluntly said “I’m not ready” apparently it is a good thing I was not ready because she needed a few items, so I went shopping for myself and a few thing for the DA, but I forgot the shampoo, I visited with the Kitty and the DA hit me up for ten bucks with the Famous “I’ll pay your back”, later I got the call that I forgot the shampoo, and screaming and multiple calls and cokes and shampoo and I went the next day and got it, and I got the wrong shampoo. ARRRG

Sun

Stayed up late Saturday night and slept in, woke up and everyone was gone, I went and saw the feral cat and we sang a duet and I fed her on the floor, she has not been jumping on the table another homeless cat come by and eats whatever is left, maybe the mama cat is playing me but I enjoy our duets and she usually sleeps on the chair part of the day. Saw the Oscars and they were ok, I also tried the E-cigarette and it is pretty close but when I had an actual smoke I chained smoked in the cold chilling wind

Strange times indeed

This weekend came to a hard reality Friday. The DA gets food stamps and the last two-month it has gone for dope. I know its her card, but I’ve been paying for everything, and she agreed to give me the card, so I showed up and she was supposed to go with me and get the things she can eat, (sans teeth for those without the scorecard), and spend the rest on Dope. Well she stops me and takes the card and promises she will save 100.00 and of course the other person (lets say he goes by the name Shifty) spends the entire 200.00. I go buy some cans of beans, Chile, generic cokes, and a four pack and a bottle of Generic hooch (shades of HS parties). So I was out of it until about 6:00 Saturday and the DA walks to the store and get me 2 40’s of beer and I drink them and go to bed. I have a tremendous need to Piss and the Cat gets up about 1:00am. I am then informed by the DA that she needs $20.00 of there will be windows broken, I’m not gonna do it so I bang the bathroom door in frustration, and I didn’t think I hit it that hard but it caves in the wall where the doorknob is, and at first look what caved in was a prior repair. Not wanting to expose my own stupidity I agree to get the money.

Coming back she runs out and says she needs a ride to a Circle K and I have to wait, F-that, I drop her off and I drive about 5 miles in one direction and drive back. I am surprised I didn’t see more than one car at a time, but I saw a few cyclists and almost hit one when he ran a red light, luckily I was turning or I would have nailed him good, I would not have had time to stop.

I get to the Circle K, see the DA running Take her home and I warn her to not regale me with any stories, I don’t want to know. I sleep until 8:00 am and I discover, with the Cat’s help, that there are no treats, I check the damage on the wall and I wonder if I can find an old sign or a Faux sign that I can screw on to cover the hole. I shop for a few needy items, get my meds and get some Green Chile stew and hash browns and get to work.

A depressed DA calls me and says she needs me and despite I tell her I have no money she cries and says I have to come home. I decline, hour later she panhandled $20.00, her dad called, she feels better. 2 hours she calls and is bummed out, wants me home to get her a lighter, I remember I had a spare lighter for this occasion and she is happy. Hour 4 she calls, her pipe breaks and I caution her she needs to buy two pipes, and I’m not leaving for another 30 minutes. More grief, I finish my assignment and decide I will not be taking any of my equipment home.

Ain’t life grand?

39 to go

First day of lent, made it ok
Morning 156
Noon 123
Post work 158
Ate one sweet, no meat, played with the cat hope he will nap
11 bodies in a southwest city, storied past displayed for all to see
Lost more confusing, what is Jin’s role?
The cat scratches his nuggets away, then cleans him self
Work is hard, no help in sight, unpaid leave may happen, retirement delayed that case in ‘81 costs me to this day