forgot to title the post

It is a drag when you cannot sleep; since I have abstained I have not slept well. I figure I got about 5 hours yesterday, and I think I slept about ½ hour tonight but my jaw slipped and I grinded my teeth an woke completely up, that signaled kitty to hop on the bed and crawl between my legs, this is fine when I am already asleep, but if I am not then I can’t move and Kitty gets vocally bummed out, he used to curl next to me and wrap his paws around my hand but he doesn’t do that every time. He might be mad since I was off for 10 calendar days and I left today for 4 hour stretches, I come home for lunch. He is excite for about an hour and a half and if I stay up too late he comes and sits next to me which is usually a sigh to go to bed. 1:35 am damn I’m feeling that sense of dread that if I don’t go to sleep soon I will see the sun rise… Listening to the last of a Louie Armstrong CD, “Heebie Jeebies “ yawn 2:00 struggling to find a seam of tranquility

10:27 pm moderately tired, did nothing again, work ok, training tomorrow
December 3, 2008

Training over, I won some pixie sticks which I gave to an old co worker, won a scracher which produced nothing and got some props from division director for sending a thank you e-mail to a trainer, which was kind of cool. Training ended early so there is a bit of daylight out, I’m hoping that I can get to bed early tonight and stay asleep

but tonight BB king will be on tv and the victoria secret show is on which is silly since I can see more on the net that if it weren't frankly so filthy I'd take advantage of it despite the risk of virus attack.

so there is this show secret millionare where rich clueless people pretend they are down on their luck for a week and then find worthy people to give money to, but I doubt the reality of the show because of the cameras, even if you by the premise of a reality show, people will be nicer if they know they are being filmed.

I smell a rat, and not the one on a stick the kid was eating

full moon sans date, but with bad spelling

If you want to shoot the stars, get a good tripod

close up of a fuzzy venius

I was gonna update legal issues of gf, or going back to work after a week, but tonight on of those alignments that happens every 500 years occured



not a bad shot but I have a 10 dollar tripod and with extreme close up (10x) it looks ok at first, but when viewed on a laptop you see the blur
check out the earth glow

letter to gf in the hoosegow

a letter to gf
November 30, 2008
I’m in the Laundromat (Harold’s) and it is absolutely jammed, all the extra capacity machines are taken and I am washing my blankets, Kitty was really talking a lot this morning, I noticed you tried to call but when I picked up you were not there, I am listening to Louie Armstrong and it is surreal , there as you might expect several types of people milling around grabbing any machine as it comes up for the taking, I anticipate taking a lot of time drying stuff, glancing around there are only a few dryers available, there are some teenagers doing what looks like 10 loads of laundry and they are sniping at each other, they have to be brother and sister, 5 minutes until my laundry is done and the dryer situation does not look hopeful, but there are lots of people folding, but they are not emptying out the dryer until they are good and ready and people are hanging on to baskets like the bought them themselves, this kid is dressed like well a kid, tight everything tiny top, pierced cheek, belly, and eye brow. The washing machine is playing games much like the Gail meter, (remember that?)

Finally in the dryer and I managed to grab three in a row, but one of the isn’t very good and the one next to it works extra long, and I don’t remember which one, but one finished so another quarter in the well,

I’m trying to articulate my feelings without sounding like I am unfeeling, but I was off all last week and including the weekend I didn’t see you except for the drive you wanted to take (and pick up the meds along the way) and after the drive you claimed being anxious when in fact as soon as you got out you reestablished your old connections and blew me off and when you wanted to see me I sensed a disturbance in your tone which told me that you had some plan. I waited for you and when you disappointed I ended up drinking almost every day, not a lot but enough to up set the whole process. Wednesday night I had a feeling you would get picked up because for all your claims of knowing the street you always get in trouble, you called me thinking that cops were following you which tells me that you were up to no good. Gail why in God’s name do you think you are so special that you can do anything you want and ignore the Judge’s orders and conditions of parole? You have no time, if you lose this house and something happens to you dad you will end up in the street or living or dependant on [girl's name] or [drug dealer] for the rest of you life, which will not be very long. I am going to mail this out tomorrow and use your address as the return.

I am very disappointed in you I cannot tell you all the time, money, grief and wasted emotions. To spend all that time waiting for you only to have you go right out and start the old habits, that tells me that the dope has such a strangle hold on you that I got to back up and leave it up to you to show me you are serious about me, so if you stay a while no visits, you pay for calls, and I will write. Last load is almost dry, so I will pick up at home.

I’m tired, work tomorrow, catch up on what happened while I was gone, I checked my work e-mail and no one approved the stuff I wanted done, and there will be questions, but I can only do so much, but it will be hard to go back to work, I hope you don’t suffer the same setback on your next chance, you talk about the steps program like its ok to mess up once or twice and stay on the path to cleanness, gf if you break enough rules that you agreed to, you will go away for 1 ½ years, or more assuming you and your girlfriends don’t get involved in ventures of a increasing dangerous or felonious nature. I’m out of time, if you can’t make it, then I need to focus more energy on my getting better emotionally, physically, and mentally.

Back in jail-Louie takes me home

November 26, 2008

At what point does aggravation set in? When do you dismiss the past, or a ghostly apparition thereof?
It is thanksgiving eve, and gf is back in jail, and by gf I suppose I don’t mean GF, or beloved, she got out week ago, after promising the old judge she would be good, and spending 4 months in jail costing me money, time, and reversible phone charges. Her father is visiting better behaved family, as far as I know. I have spent a total of about three hours with her since she got out, I knew she would be tempted but I thought she had betters sense than to be walking around grabbing attention, she even called me saying cops were following her and she didn’t listen to spend time with me or to stay home, she was getting 30 dollars a day why so much? Well she called and can get out for 250.00 and beat the charge, which is not serious because she will be a CI and I told her no, hell no, and dressed her down for not lasting a week. I think she is gone, or rather has been gone. Her decision to avoid me, and in her eyes do nothing wrong, tells me she and I are no more. Truthfully it’s been 3-4 years. And I get nothing out of it except the self loathing.

Tomorrow is thanksgiving, and I have about 4 days to finally clean the apartment, I have pissed away 4 days with drink, laziness, and moral wantonness. Recharge the batteries, clean the clothes, start with the kitchen and head into the weekend with a sense of accomplishment and wonder and a beginning anew, gf will be ready to come out by then and a visit out to the jail with money in the leavings will make thing right, tho I believe I ‘m owed right near 2000.00, or maybe 500.00, how much I don’t know, but I am listening to you tube of Louie Armstrong from the Jazz series. Amazing, brilliant, and long before I was born. I’ll always have Metallica

9 chickweed land

Is it me or has this comic strip gotten filthy

All star game and memories

July 15, 2008
11:30 pm
The game is still on, bottom of the fifteenth, one man on. This has been a pretty good game. Lots of chances (OH GREAT DIVING CATCH-Ludwig) a few mistakes, great plays, pitching. I need the NL to win so me cubbies will have home advantage
BC-116 not bad, see what it is in the morning.

I really dread tomorrow
Loaded bases pop fly AL wins, my night is ruined
Goodnight


12:21

Horrible morning, stayed up too late, too much on the plate, did a little shopping at lunch, hope to finish and start to plan out meals, cat got spooked by the road work outside, cBC was 141 this morning ouch!!!

Quick lunch, remainder of sandwich, should do laundry and prepare for interview tomorrow.

5:30
BC 101
Tired, gF dad wrote note outlining support, gF didn’t get hint. I tried to explain and was interrupted; I am tired of the grief

Was thinking I know 3 people who have killed them selves since 2000. One a good friend. Another a total babe who good friend wanted to nail (not me as it would not be right for a troll to score a babe unless I was totally rich and abusive, cant disturbed the universe), and the latter a former hippie co-worker tried to set me up with who was psycho and I knew was psycho and wanted a donor to produce child, had said child, took up crack as a hobby and offfed her self leaving behind a letter on how she hated everyone (mainly her parents and 4 yr old) and left huge mess and deeply hurt feelings. Strange how memories flood in

1) good friend gets work-study in the Seychelles islands (Indian ocean), friend loses job after getting drunk and crashing assigned car into side of mountain. Friend given 24hrs to get off island, gets back and we make plans to do something, I can’t remember what, but on final leg of flight meets guy from same town that the college he goes to and asks him if he be interested in making 18,000.00 a year working part time (a lot of money almost 30 years ago), friend blows me off because this guy saw value in him, saw the imminence potential in him, promised to help guide him towards untold wealth. He implies that I may soon be unworthy of his attention once he starts on the road towards a degree and first million unless I step up, and not to expect a gift of money from him. I knew what will happen and try to warn him, but I am jealous and dismissed with a wave of the hand. Next day I get a profanity laden call, why???? He meets the guy and endures a presentation of …….. wait for it----------------Amway. I still laugh my ass off and it was a precursor to his life of missed opportunities, bad connections, misplayed trust, and broken dreams that cumulated with a bullet in the brain, and the worst smell I have encountered. After removal of his remains, I actually thought “Well there you are, all over the place’

I take gF to mental health clinic for meds, while waiting I see woman who is a head turner, trying not to get caught I only make glances as gF is going on and on about something and notices girl, they are friends from way back when she was married to dentist who provided painkillers and they bonded. There is more, that night above friend calls and tells me he meets this babe who finds him intelligent and witty at an AA meeting, friend has come into some money, I ask if this babe is aware of this, and he confirms but says this girl is not like that and I am ….. Jealous, gF, the dentist’s wife, and friend party hard for a week, I can’t remember if friend got more than once, but when cash is gone dentist wife is gone, I get profanity laden phone call on how she used him, dentist wife kills herself a few years later which gets to me I laugh not because she is dead, but because if there is a suicide heaven-she still will not give it up to friend.

Last item will be brief, she calls me at home and wants to meet, I inform her that I have gF, she says it is nothing, I say no. I learn that her husband killed himself, she presses for meeting and I can tell she is not of right mind and wants a sperm donor, though intrigued I decline. She finds someone who is already behind in C/S pmts but has kid, gets insurance settlement and lives high off the hog becoming a crack floozy; kid has problems but is young. She blows all cash, hates kid, becomes lesbian gets roof over head, loses roof stops being lesbian, gets public assistance and blows 5g’s she was hiding on last blow out and puts bullet in head. Kid acknowledge he has mom, but does not ask for her. She is ashes but because of final note and problems she has left, her remains are not claimed, kid will be adopted by 3rd cousin. As in true in mythology this girl is only child, if they were not in their 70’s they would take kid but tried to get coworker who started the whole mess to take kid, but alas she has health problems.

Sad tales one and all, I wonder how story of gF will end

Last night musings to the all star game

July 15, 2008

It is actually the 14th but I finished what I could remember what I thought I wanted to say but I had not yet processed phone call from gf who was perplexed because users were mad at her for reasons that came out were this guy is facing jail, he wants to use, he bugs everyone he knows who is holding and acts crazy in the hope the someone will blink. I don’t know if stupid has taken over, cause while she was bright, the common sense was not always there. Ok the news is on and a body was seen floating in a ravine, it gets caught in weeds and the police leave the body after taking pictures and measurements and is there several hours. If the body was left there I understand, but they know the body floated after a rainstorm. I guess you can cannot be too careful.

The cat begs for treats and I am always fascinated by watching animals eat or drink water, I am normally a dog person, but I grew up with both and a couple of the pairs slept in my room . The cat is walking around just looking; this may mean he will be up all night. I failed to do anything productive on the 14th, I almost took a nap, wish I had as I would have energy now or would have gotten my laundry done

6:46 am

One ear leaking, one ear infected, waiting for the ciprex. Oats waiting, Kitty outside enjoying the cool air. Today will be hard, today will be busy, odds are 6-5 I will be solo.

12:27

Long morning. Everyone is so shy of the blame game that the guy least able to correct is often left to deal with it. cW tried to correct a mistake without signatures that she may be in trouble; somehow I think I will catch some flak for it. The cat wants to play, I feel guilty.

College chum called, had a nice chat, she is getting screwed for helping a friend of her family and this guy has not reciprocated, she loses job he lands multi-million land deal.

I’m watching the all star game and it has been a long time since I’ve seen an entire game, of course the NL blows two leads and it is tied going to the ninth. I didn’t pig out but I did find some good Judas Priest tunes on u-tube as the free one is working, but I think new neighbor has wifi as there is someone close by that I get 4 bars, but it is password secured. I would try to guess it bit there is something inherently wrong with stealing wi-fi more than 2 bars (lead off walk Ramirez for the NL hart flies out one on one out Ludwig at the plate Rodriguez replaced on the mound by Rivera, Hmmmm Budweiser commercial proclaiming the great American lager on the day it is bought by Dutch company k and throw out inning over the NL will lose I know it as we go to the bottom of the ninth) one bars is ok because who knows where it is coming from? Dial up is too slow and doesn’t load vid-mus for excrement (one out 2-2 count cub dempster pitching, 2 up 2 down, strike 3, extra innings) but you take what you can get. Laundry has free wi-fi but isn’t always up. (error, error by 2nt baseman, walk, out at plate, out at plate, out at first, unbelievable) it is too late meds starting to work, clean up sleep rest prepare for the morrow cat seem satified ears infected leaking ewwwww

Monday Sucks

July 14, 2008

6:20 am

I stayed up late as usual, so I am groggy. I let the cat out for a few minutes (he didn’t even want his brushing) and the garbage truck spooked the cat big time, he almost broke the cord trying to go to the back of the room. The Blood count was 169 this morning, it is muggy and about 67◦ humidity is 80 % and it is cloudy, light sprinkles of rain dot sidewalk like the missed opportunities of wayward sunbeams missing the lonely sprout yearning for photosynthesis.

Bfast is about ¾ cup of beans, 2 oz of meat, some onions and about 20 oz of black cherry soda (it isn’t diet and I know I know is bad for me)

Snack at work-one apple (other cW took other apple), one nectarine, one big 3 musketeers (ouch) In the news the I-phone that just came out has problems, and a huge bank failed which will not be a problem for most depositors but about $500 million is not covered. All is well, do not panic, stay the course, remain calm. We will drill offshore, we will make more oil, the landscape will be besmirched for national security, OPEC will cut production, gasoline will go up, I will walk, and kitty will learn to hunt.

My ears are clogged, it is annoying, I cannot hear and I can feel the pooled fluids in my inner ear

Tough morning, forgot to check blood level, I was sort of dissed at work, but it isn’t my problem, I have no desire to go back, which is bad because I could potentially leak that out in my behavior, (which is why I keep my comments to a bare minimum, except for this really loud woman that we have a personality conflict, I have to go out of my way to be nice and I end up dripping with sarcasm) I hate the dirt in the parking lot as my feet clomp down on it.


Tough afternoon, many work flows brought up, peak is on neigh. cW will be out until Thursday, strange weirdness today, cannot motivate cannot go beyond plans. Called for interview, denied interview because of paperwork, called personnel, (if not for doogie, HIMYM would be extremely lame) corrective action taken, interview Thursday 11:15 am offsite, I must pay for parking. OUT DAMMED SPOT. Meat, beans, bread-jelly

I want my vitamin D!!!!!!!!!!!!!

July 13, 2008

Ok so I saw the diabetes nurse and she was not happy with the weight gain, or the morning blood count, or the lower BP. She wanted to start me on the insulin but I asked for 2 mos to get it down. My vitamin D is low and I am one big bummed out dude
10:30 count 169 weight 267, and I’m drinking again. What is a fat man to do
Back to work, wait so like news is on and there is a story about Vitamin D deficiency and all the bad things that can happen. WTF?

laundry day

May 24, 2008

Ok, so I’m sitting in a laundry severely disappointed because I was planning to use the wifi which is free at this Laundromat, except that is isn’t working at all, a Black and white TV in the corner blares out a commercial for the latest Indiana Jones movie-which I’m hoping to catch at its last Saturday showing assuming I can stay awake, I’ve been sick lately and missed work last Friday because I felt like every cell in my body had diarrhea, I had a headache of such epic proportions the cat purposefully meowed in the mournful meow that cats like to do to show their extreme displeasure, my ears have been leaking a toxic fluid whose noxious fumes are melting the paint on the ceiling directly above me, the neighbor who I suspected was one of those aliens from the movie series moved out after he accidentally encountered some of the fluid (it is a very long story that involves a q-tip, a rubber band, and the paranoid delusions of righteous man), I was planning on my biweekly laundry chore last weekend but because I was sick and had to work late every day last week, I was unable to do so and I came up directly against my absolute limit on boxers and undershirts, I had 3 days of socks available to me in the event the soaking rain that I missed because of my location in the void of stimulation building prevented me from enjoying the visual stimulation of the rainfall, there has been a drought, and much dust-it is a strange thing to walk outside for lunch to see the wet pavement, cloudy skies and the rain fresh smell, at one point yesterday the moisture in the air was so overwhelming that the smell even reached the closed environment and I ventured outside for a drenching walk, a baptism of liquid joy so to speak. My laundry is almost dry, I must end this session.

monday annoyance

April 28, 2008
12:06 am

Can’t sleep, cat is annoyed, spiritually I am fatigued, made it to church and thought that the priest was going to faint, but he explained that the enormity of what he does hit him and he had an emotional moment, it could be his friend in Haiti describing the food riots and the high price of food. The leader there has resigned. The cat is walking around aimlessly and I started my back up of the hard drive and I realize it would take me months to document the picture files. Ozzfest may not make the cut this year, I felt that last year was not worth the price and there is a metal fest with Judas Priest, heaven and hell and MOTORHEAD. I am now creating a back up of hard drive, something I need to do now that I have like 5000 pictures and 10 gb of video, 12:24 pm.

The presence of Cousin Andy is fading away, while I have video stocked away but I am still mire din boxes that I know must go. He was not much on e-mail, never utilizing it and I have two messages saved that I was fortunate to be on line while he called. His presence is missed but his essence is very much alive. I admire him greatly for his talent, and for going to Texas to make a go of it, some in the family believe he never intended to go back home, or he pulled a leaving LV. I wish I made it out there and the planned road trip, though a dream, wasn’t possible as he his the extent of his illness (12:34 am)

The cat is pacing, looking outside to see anything but there is no nocturnal activity in the area. I am fading fast, turned on the air, but not the pump for I know not if there is any h2o and it is cool outside. I have a very busy day but work it tedious, I received anonymous word that I stand no chance for promotion, not because of abilities, they think me to be a genius, not because of experience, but because of the words I use and my tendency to question anything I believe to be wrong or questionable. There is a lack openness I find appalling but the norm. It is 12:42 and I am losing touch with lucidity. Time for sleep

6:40 am
Ran the air last night, it is cold, I am tired, ran back up and did something wrong, but may need to purchase additional backup, must get ready for work. Apt clean up is at critical mass

9:30 pm

Finally responded to insco with poor spelling, backed up videos of cat, niece and cousin death remembrance

Tired and sinus pain
I mock sati pots; I didn’t know what they were

My neighbor is screaming in German, I think

A beloved cousin died last month and his memorial was last week
I've been putting off doing anything for the last 6 weeks, and the Feline is getting bored to the poing of getting in my face and crying, my neighbor goes to the stairwell overlooking the parking lot and is screaming in German making gestures that frankly scare me a bit, insurance companies byte

accomplish a little, finish few

Sunday February 17, 2008

I’m in the midst of a major cleaning project. Last night I did 3-4 loads of laundry, how much ‘m not really sure of because I used the largest loads, and just crammed the tub, or machines full as I could get them and I also washed a blanket, type cheap comforter. The pre race show is on and I have just finished the pre rinse of the dishes and I am soaking the flatware and glasses, they are caked with some kind of oily substance the rubs off and I think is from air drying but I am a boarder slob. I walked 1 hr 10 min. I don’t know how far it is but it is about .8 miles but is in a bowl so it starts down hill and then naturally goes up hill, on the was is a strip of land that used to be a nowhere man’s land and after they put up the sound barriers created a urban park, it looks like a path in the forest, has a few trees and natural grass and looks like great fun for canines, there have been roadrunners and bunnies seen, but no Wiley to date, but rumors persist.

The original plan was for the beloved to take care of her business, and she would come over to watch the race, and I would make dinner and buy some soda she can drink (I only have sugarless), well she called and didn’t want me to call at the appointed hour (the cat stares at the door, I let him go out about 20 feet before I scare him back) because she would have “business” and she didn’t want them to be there when I called, when she called about 1:30 she wanted me to take her to get something to eat and I drop off the soda, candy, etc because any time together is good time together, then she just asked me to drop off something for her to eat and not drop it off in the drive way because she finds it demeaning, I hung up and went in search of a pasta pan, I went to the thrift stores and stopped at my mom and dad’s My mom is having surgery in the 18th or so, (shoulder replacement) and she handed me some $$$ like I’m 18 because I haven’t borrowed any money from them and my sisters and nieces have and not repaid any of it. I tried the place where America shops and couldn’t find something akin to a tamale steamer, but found a basic stock pot for $8. I wait in line behind 3-4 people and when I am next the cashier tells us to line up behind a blue line, (they have the worst set up as well as the worst customer service) so I move there and the woman who was in front of me moves in front of me ans tells me that she was next “No way” I say “I’m next” she stared at me and her eyes narrowed and “NO I was next “ so I retort ‘There is no way you were in front of me”, she looks at me and before she gets pissed I start laughing, for some reason I know that were I the late great LJ, it would have been a scoring opportunity.

So the light of my life calls up and starts on me that its not the SA but even 30 seconds is golden to her, and I tell her I feel used and don’t appreciate it and she hung up on me so I called right back and pretended like I was still talking when the voice messaging came on, (I know I confused her). I made spaghetti and used too much water as it took forever to boil and I forget to put the lid on, I chopped ½ an onion and now I have leftovers for tomorrow, beans and pastrami or spaghetti but I need to add more sauce so that may be dinner.

The shining light called again and felt guilty and wanted to know if it was too late to have me pick her up and spend $$$ on her for which I politely declined. Saw the end of the Great American race, but this is the first time in a long time I didn’t see the majority of a race. No real big accidents but enough to much up the favorites. I found a 8g flash drive at a good price which means it will be ½ the price in a few months, but I need a way to be uploading the millions of pictures to the cosco site, and to carry music around

Heard via e-mail from an old acquaintance, one of those “Hi its me”, no response, I wonder if something happened. Lazy Sunday almost over

happy 21st to the namesake

February 6, 2008

Happy birthday to my niece and namesake, who turned 21 today and who just called from a bar in San Diego. Seems like yesterday I was babysitting and changing her diaper, getting away with giving her 5 bucks. Wish I cold be tossing a few with her, but she is with her mom fulfilling a prophecy her mom made 21 years ago. I’m glad it worked out.


Got my ashes at 6-30 this morning following a phone call from Gf at 4; 30 making sure I stop by before mass to drop off her supplies, following my staying up late to watch election results.

Got my allergy shot today around lunch and I went home and took a ½ hr nap

US 2-Mexico 1 sounds like a raucous crowd

Week two 2008 in script (not really)

So like I got on the scale cause (excuse me the cat wants attention, I put a feather n his nose and he is going crazy) I noticed my pants are tight and I have gained back 7 lbs over the holidays, not a lot and I know it is due to the sugar I have consumed during the course of the holidays. The hard fought dedication to avoiding sugar and the dreariness of the weather combined with my internalizing of the anger rising plus the many purchasing of little bottles of booze must have has a lot to do with the weight piling on, but can one really blame the booze, sugar without the indictment of fast food, (or fast fat as the weird or semi weird guy with the blank sandwich board on the corner yells into a bottomless super gulp cup substituting for a megaphone, although on reflection, if it actually amplifies the voice or resonates it, not is become an megaphone? Flammable though it may be, or not be) Fast food seems cheap but when you add it up it is really quite expensive. I get too internally depressed from pointless tasks at work to do much except take care of the cat and watch TV washing the only dishes I need at the moment, due to the availability of an oven for the first time in 7 years I have been feasting on frozen pizzas adding my own toppings in a misbegeiled attempt to make it seem like an accomplishment or endeavor, or the fantasy that” I am the pizza man” crafting exotic but tasty pies of pizza nature that would enthrall the taste buds of the most discriminate pallet or indiscriminate mouth of hungry worshipers, alas no it is crust barely above cardboard, sauce fortified by sugar, dehydrated meats and extras cut from the cows that survived the initial slaughter house, only to stagger into the abyss known as “off market meats”, a term so divisive in nature, so utterly descriptive, the mere mention that such products placed be in pet food would start off protests, riots, congressional hearings, boycotts and a war of words on the internets suggesting vegetarian meal for carnivores, the inhumane treatment of meats designed for human use, but no discussion of such products designed for frozen meals, because no admits to eating frozen pizzas, they will admit to Ramen noodles because of the romantic notion of meals available after the rent is paid or the end of the month awaiting the next payday or care package from home like a 7 yr old Christmas eve, anxious to see if he got the bike he wanted, because the bike represents freedom, a chance to ride like the wind and journey beyond the view of the domicile, a step toward independence while retaining the notion of a save haven or roof, the lack thereof is a major source of fear in these united states, a reality in most of the world.
500 words

First Week 2008

Ok
I haven’t lost any gained weight since the 1st month after I started testing my blood. Can’t stay from the sugar, but I have avoided the hooch for a week and the same with the smokes. I still have remained hateful in my attitude, but am trying to remain light. The big push is a coming and I am still fat. I have not slept well in a few days, but it is work related. The cat has finally jumped to the hightst level possible. Now he can land on a couch but it is harder to get there. His pervious spot was easier to get to but I think the landing was harder. He still likes his pampering early in the morning and that is when I brush him. I also brush him when I get home. He moves to whatever room I’m at and watches me before dozing off in one of his favorite places. It is late and I am tired.

dreary sunday

So I’m working on the PC without the power cord and I discover that the battery is only good for like 45 minutes. I’ve tried to find a way to get the creative juices going, and the cat doesn’t want to play pull or wrassle and I am too tired to play light. Watching the cat prowl around but not finish the fight is disturbing until I realize that now the cat wants to wrassle and I am bleeding, I’m not bleeding badly, but there is some pain involved, not a lot mind you, but I am marked, not marked permanently mind you but enough to go over 100 words. The Simpson’s made no f’ing sense and King of the Hill is dumber than normal, and I can change the channel because the cat is lying on the remote

New Year, SOS

Normally I don’t make resolutions, but try to focus on improvements I can make. This year goals need to be made

1. Test blood every day
2. No smoking, take rest of Medication
3. No sugar
4. Early to bed
5. Organize paperwork at home and work
6. Be positive, don’t make others uncomfortable
7. Vacumn at least every other day to get cat hair
8. Wash all dishes, not the ones I need
9. Keep contact with loved ones
10. Focus on the task at hand


And walk every day at least 15 minutes

Philosophize later