It’s a Friday afternoon and it is cold outside and I am torn between buying a nip or two and smokes. I should no smoke, as it is bad for me. I am paying 60.00 a month so I lose the cravings. The end of the year is up there is something about starting anew. I smoke until the end of the year, and I have an end point. I quit now and I have an end point. My latest idea for science is to get a military haircut and se how long it takes to grow 4 inches. Juvenile you say? As I reach he zenith of my professional life I find that I have neither the ability nor the inclination to progress my self further, attempts at motivation, whether is be by the self or newly promoted almost invite contempt at my discretion, valor has no place among the cowardly, but is the essence of shelter until retirement achieved outweighs a life let lost, but spirits imbibed.
Motivation must be more than a few words, mocked outwardly but admired inwards. Where is the rope to attach, the hook to grapple, the ladder to climb? I could say It lies within, a lie indeed. The sun sets at dusk, the lips meet bottle soon after. I see the loss of the will, the cards of well meaning providing.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Thursday, December 27, 2007
End of the year
He end of the year is approaching and tomorrow is the last scheduled day I have to work until the 2nt I may have to put in some time this weekend to get ready for the onslaught of expectations before the audit due date of the 15th. A coworker left for greener pastures today and before he left he was called in for what I thought was an exit interview but one of the big cheeses asking for an explanation on the most basic of reconciliations. Such is life at ***. I’m watching ID4 and watching the cat out of the corner of my eye preparing FOR ATTACK, ( which he just did) I remember ing watching ID4 when it came out at an old big theater, which no longer exists, it was very exciting at the time. The movie looks a little hokie but it is still fun to watch and I can forget the plot holes. But time for the news because I left work the fire alarm went off, (I didn’t hear it, but I got a phone call to see if it made the news, .it hasn’t so back to work)
The climatic scene is happening and the comic relief inside the alien mother ship. I’ve just realized that this has extra scenes, which bum me out because they should title the movie as having deleted scenes. The dialog is really bad at the end, but its an old movie. 11-12 years ago. Exercise over.
The climatic scene is happening and the comic relief inside the alien mother ship. I’ve just realized that this has extra scenes, which bum me out because they should title the movie as having deleted scenes. The dialog is really bad at the end, but its an old movie. 11-12 years ago. Exercise over.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Elements of frustration
I admit I am not an easy person to deal with; this is more prevalent the longer I’ve known you and the nature of the dispute. Today I took Gf for her x-mas haircut, and today was the last day to do it before the end of the year. I have been trying for two weeks to get her to do it, but she wasn’t ready, (she was metaphorically high). Today she was mentally prepared and was in between activities. She got her haircut and despite my warning not to ask for shampoo, she did. She asked in a manner in front of the stylist that made me look like an ass for saying no. She then said” put it on the credit card” and to give a big tip.
She was girlishly happy, I should have let it go, but she has a LONG history of upping the ante, if you promise to take her shopping for a case of coke, she tried for two cases and waits until we’re in the store to do it. Her PU calls it hustling, and most of it can be explained to her SA. She has no progressed mentally from 17, and it is infuriating.
I agree to the shampoo, and then she said she needed the conditioner. I told her it would be cheaper to go to wallgreens. Nevertheless, I didn’t want to make a scene. I paid for it and we left. I expressed my displeasure and she went into her usual stanza of ‘”don’t ruin a nice thing” In the span of a 5 minute car ride, I reminded her of how ugly she feels, I rin any good feelings she has, how cheap I am (which she corrects when she remembers how much I do for her) and I’ve ruined Christmas. I think she will take the items back and continue her SA tonight. It will be my fault. I don’t think it helped when I told her to “fuck off’, but I’m tired of it. I’m tired of planning to spend time with her and once she gets what she wants, she is too tired to see me.
God bless us everyone.
She was girlishly happy, I should have let it go, but she has a LONG history of upping the ante, if you promise to take her shopping for a case of coke, she tried for two cases and waits until we’re in the store to do it. Her PU calls it hustling, and most of it can be explained to her SA. She has no progressed mentally from 17, and it is infuriating.
I agree to the shampoo, and then she said she needed the conditioner. I told her it would be cheaper to go to wallgreens. Nevertheless, I didn’t want to make a scene. I paid for it and we left. I expressed my displeasure and she went into her usual stanza of ‘”don’t ruin a nice thing” In the span of a 5 minute car ride, I reminded her of how ugly she feels, I rin any good feelings she has, how cheap I am (which she corrects when she remembers how much I do for her) and I’ve ruined Christmas. I think she will take the items back and continue her SA tonight. It will be my fault. I don’t think it helped when I told her to “fuck off’, but I’m tired of it. I’m tired of planning to spend time with her and once she gets what she wants, she is too tired to see me.
God bless us everyone.
Friday, November 30, 2007
hats off the Big Bill H
So like I had the geek squad configure my computer and they told me that they did the best they could and no refunds. I have dial up because I reall don't do anything except read newspapers and various sites. I had no Wifi. I had Offers to fix for 200.00 and 2 days. old friend asks for a shot and fixes it in 10 minutes
neat
neat
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Christmas is a coming and the family wants cash
November 25th
The long weekend is over; the expected snow fall was but a tracing. The cold weather meant the use the heater for the first time. The cat with an ordinary name (tcwaon) lies on the new bed stretching, and finding any excuse to climb on the laptop, make a plea for attention, and block the screen. Tcwacon is a beautiful kitty who has had a pretty easy life for a house cat, but had bad company prior to moving in with me.
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that I have been 250 for a month and I have taken to the drink and fresh smoked Alaskan tobacco. My BS has been in the 120’s when I do do it. The three time I checked this weekend it was about 180. Now it is at 159. I’m listening to my random music files and it appears that Cwacon likes jazz but not the Beach Boys.
The sleepy time is about here and Gf is at her games, so I must return service
The game must be played, and played correct if it is to be played. It is 10:20 and there is no zero hour.
November 16th was a day to forget in 2000, it was the last for JFF or LJ as he was known. He had his last night of sadness, when he saw that he could not go on, he put his beloved 9mm against his temple and joined the universe.
The long weekend is over; the expected snow fall was but a tracing. The cold weather meant the use the heater for the first time. The cat with an ordinary name (tcwaon) lies on the new bed stretching, and finding any excuse to climb on the laptop, make a plea for attention, and block the screen. Tcwacon is a beautiful kitty who has had a pretty easy life for a house cat, but had bad company prior to moving in with me.
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that I have been 250 for a month and I have taken to the drink and fresh smoked Alaskan tobacco. My BS has been in the 120’s when I do do it. The three time I checked this weekend it was about 180. Now it is at 159. I’m listening to my random music files and it appears that Cwacon likes jazz but not the Beach Boys.
The sleepy time is about here and Gf is at her games, so I must return service
The game must be played, and played correct if it is to be played. It is 10:20 and there is no zero hour.
November 16th was a day to forget in 2000, it was the last for JFF or LJ as he was known. He had his last night of sadness, when he saw that he could not go on, he put his beloved 9mm against his temple and joined the universe.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
12:45 to Kitty Land
I may acquire a cat, I currently have joint custody of a cat in the sense that I pay for the food and medical and when GF lets me see her I play with the kitty. GF is still using, and despite she has gone through several houses and apts she can’t keep people from coming over and spoiling her gig. Despite getting an allowance to allow her to use without stealing, she still shoplifts crap and does (well you know trades) stuff with it. Having been banned from several supermarkets, restaurants, and small shops, she has apparently gotten caught at the only place close to her. Despite being warned (she has two current cases under review) she can’t help herself.
I often wonder if it were possible to create walled zones for addicts and let them use, share, and if they are careless OD on their own. Crime in the streets would drop, shoplifting would go away, and loved ones would be under some protection and we could sleep nights without wondering what news the next call would be?
GF almost has that now but may need a couple of months stretch to dry out and learn yet another lesion, and I will face expensive phone bills. I’ve found almost 100 letters from her previous stays (They closed my apt building to renovate but the unwanted were prevented from going to other places, I like this place a lot but it is smaller)
Soundtrack is pulling teeth and whiplash
I often wonder if it were possible to create walled zones for addicts and let them use, share, and if they are careless OD on their own. Crime in the streets would drop, shoplifting would go away, and loved ones would be under some protection and we could sleep nights without wondering what news the next call would be?
GF almost has that now but may need a couple of months stretch to dry out and learn yet another lesion, and I will face expensive phone bills. I’ve found almost 100 letters from her previous stays (They closed my apt building to renovate but the unwanted were prevented from going to other places, I like this place a lot but it is smaller)
Soundtrack is pulling teeth and whiplash
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Funky looks awful
I was feeling pretty bad about myself and this summer gone by until I saw what Tom B. did to Funky Winkerbean. He looks worse than Bull.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
On vacations, drug busts and no nuts
May 29, 2007
I didn’t realize it had been so long. A lot has happened.
My PU’s have left for Spain for an extended stay. N2 graduated from high school and it was special, I was very proud and it was fun to see all the kids who stuck it out and went to an alternative HS instead of dropping out. Any student who wants to speak can do so and the speeches were very moving as I could tell they felt a real sense of accomplishment. Anyway I told N2 that a diploma is worth a C-note, a GED is worth 40.00. It was well worth it but now she feels that there is no choice for the future. I remember the feeling.
Gf whose life was spinning out of control, messed up big time had her house raided as a drug house and was arrested. The police found only trace amounts so she will likely do very little time, but the possibility still exists she could do time as she has numerous nuisance charges. I’m hopeful she will get treatment.
But when the police raided the house they knocked out the door and her dad has to perform several repairs before the house is deemed suitable, In addition Gf and friends spray painted one of the rooms with comments the would only seem funny if you were using. It also made it look like a crack house. I got Kitty and had him neutered and he is staying with me now wearing a collar, I took a couple of days off to clean up paperwork, but since Kitty was not used to the house he kept me up and gets into everything, and I used this excuse to essentially do nothing although I only got creamed one night. The landlord loves cats and gets along with me and said I could keep the cat here until the 11th unless there is a problem. SO this isn’t the end, hopefully Kitty will be ok by himself and he will not make too much noise at night if I go to bed early and get up early. I pray there will be no complaints.
A few days after my PU’s left S1 was visited by someone who offered to put in a security system for a special price that was good only for a few days, a con right? Well S1 tells them that the owners of the house will be gone for a month. At least she called to tell me, so I call S2 to have her move the cars (since she has the keys) and apparently she took one of PU’s cars and didn’t leave another car, S1 calls S2 demanding the car come back or else. I get two phone calls each one screaming at me that the other one is a @#&^%. I pray nothing happens or there is a wreck because my parents will flip as they are not happy with any of us.
I have gained a bit of weight and my BS has been between 120-185, that is bad, I dread going to work because I really don’t like being there and don’t like what I’m doing. I have a fear that I will get the job I bid on because I have no faith in my abilities.
I will try to be positive, work thing out as they happen. I tend to make a big deal out of stuff and spin scenarios that are so implausible they belong on an episode of “LOST”.
IF you read this wish me luck with the kitty
He has his collar on and has been sleeping except for an hour when he needed some attention and I scratched and petted him, cats really are a form of calming mediation.
I didn’t realize it had been so long. A lot has happened.
My PU’s have left for Spain for an extended stay. N2 graduated from high school and it was special, I was very proud and it was fun to see all the kids who stuck it out and went to an alternative HS instead of dropping out. Any student who wants to speak can do so and the speeches were very moving as I could tell they felt a real sense of accomplishment. Anyway I told N2 that a diploma is worth a C-note, a GED is worth 40.00. It was well worth it but now she feels that there is no choice for the future. I remember the feeling.
Gf whose life was spinning out of control, messed up big time had her house raided as a drug house and was arrested. The police found only trace amounts so she will likely do very little time, but the possibility still exists she could do time as she has numerous nuisance charges. I’m hopeful she will get treatment.
But when the police raided the house they knocked out the door and her dad has to perform several repairs before the house is deemed suitable, In addition Gf and friends spray painted one of the rooms with comments the would only seem funny if you were using. It also made it look like a crack house. I got Kitty and had him neutered and he is staying with me now wearing a collar, I took a couple of days off to clean up paperwork, but since Kitty was not used to the house he kept me up and gets into everything, and I used this excuse to essentially do nothing although I only got creamed one night. The landlord loves cats and gets along with me and said I could keep the cat here until the 11th unless there is a problem. SO this isn’t the end, hopefully Kitty will be ok by himself and he will not make too much noise at night if I go to bed early and get up early. I pray there will be no complaints.
A few days after my PU’s left S1 was visited by someone who offered to put in a security system for a special price that was good only for a few days, a con right? Well S1 tells them that the owners of the house will be gone for a month. At least she called to tell me, so I call S2 to have her move the cars (since she has the keys) and apparently she took one of PU’s cars and didn’t leave another car, S1 calls S2 demanding the car come back or else. I get two phone calls each one screaming at me that the other one is a @#&^%. I pray nothing happens or there is a wreck because my parents will flip as they are not happy with any of us.
I have gained a bit of weight and my BS has been between 120-185, that is bad, I dread going to work because I really don’t like being there and don’t like what I’m doing. I have a fear that I will get the job I bid on because I have no faith in my abilities.
I will try to be positive, work thing out as they happen. I tend to make a big deal out of stuff and spin scenarios that are so implausible they belong on an episode of “LOST”.
IF you read this wish me luck with the kitty
He has his collar on and has been sleeping except for an hour when he needed some attention and I scratched and petted him, cats really are a form of calming mediation.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
HBD to the old man and interview with a curse
May 9, 2007
Today is the old man’s birthday he was born in 35 so it makes him 72 , which used to sound old but it doesn’t sound so old now that I am 46.
Gf is seeing the PO which is strange because as far as I know she hasn’t coped to anything although despite once having a good intellect will sign anything to make it go away, which once cost her a year and almost everything she owned or valued. I am waiting to see what happens. On Friday she took a vow of sobriety, on Saturday she said she still had 3 days. I worked on Saturday and Sunday and we had plans to meet Sunday afternoon. She looked like she had been using all night long and apparently she had been. I reminded her of the letter I sent Friday that she said made her realize she needed to be in treatment and she wanted to detox, which takes three days. I went home and she called and said I was right and that first thing Monday she would go do it. Well she didn’t and said all the things addicts say, which isn’t really important because if you have been through dealing with an addict you love then you know what the story is.
So she conned her dad out of $$$ to get it out of her system, but yesterday thought that maybe it be best if she fesses up to the PO or whomever she has to talk to and go from there which is what I told her to do. She may get out of it since she has a 70% chance of skating on everything.
Lunch for now is over.
Tonight is Lost
Got call from dad saying he like my birthday message to him ( I sang HBTY)
He said he feels old and When I told him he has 20 years he told me he didn’t want to live that long.
Today is the old man’s birthday he was born in 35 so it makes him 72 , which used to sound old but it doesn’t sound so old now that I am 46.
Gf is seeing the PO which is strange because as far as I know she hasn’t coped to anything although despite once having a good intellect will sign anything to make it go away, which once cost her a year and almost everything she owned or valued. I am waiting to see what happens. On Friday she took a vow of sobriety, on Saturday she said she still had 3 days. I worked on Saturday and Sunday and we had plans to meet Sunday afternoon. She looked like she had been using all night long and apparently she had been. I reminded her of the letter I sent Friday that she said made her realize she needed to be in treatment and she wanted to detox, which takes three days. I went home and she called and said I was right and that first thing Monday she would go do it. Well she didn’t and said all the things addicts say, which isn’t really important because if you have been through dealing with an addict you love then you know what the story is.
So she conned her dad out of $$$ to get it out of her system, but yesterday thought that maybe it be best if she fesses up to the PO or whomever she has to talk to and go from there which is what I told her to do. She may get out of it since she has a 70% chance of skating on everything.
Lunch for now is over.
Tonight is Lost
Got call from dad saying he like my birthday message to him ( I sang HBTY)
He said he feels old and When I told him he has 20 years he told me he didn’t want to live that long.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
When is a interview not an interview
May 2, 2007
Damn 6 days since last post, much has happened some good some not so good
I put my meal to nuke and I think it will caramelize and open a hole to another universe.
Interview
After I made arrangements for an early interview Monday so I could go from the allergy shot, straight to the interview, I got a call that had me move the interview from Monday to Tuesday. I dusted off the Interview/Funeral suit, downloaded everything I could find out about the agency and studied a bit. I made a trial run to find the place, and it is easy to find. It is in a residential neighborhood behind a car dealership but has the illusion of being secluded. It looks like is has no place being there.
The Interview started out ok, the woman kept smiling but the man seemed aggressive and after I described what my experiences were, he kind of told me what the job entailed as though I had gotten the job and he was letting me know in no uncertain terms what was expected. We talked about the accounting system and I told him that I had worked with several and with a little training (I would get one month) I could manage it. Apparently since it is so small I would handle all financial aspects except for H/R. The woman seemed friendly and I think I handled her questions, but the gentleman seemed perturbed and I gathered from his explanation on how important it is to be there, and that some people abused their sick leave to the point, when they needed it they were SOL and took LWOP. I offered to show my leave balances twice but he said it was none of his business. Curious enough though, I don’t think I had a chance from the beginning, and they may have someone in mind. But I could be wrong; I’m replaying the whole thing in my head. Luckily on of my references worked there and I brought up her name in the sense that I got a heads up on what they do.
Lunch over, I need to post a card for my grandma who is over 90
May 8, 2007
Lost train of thought and haven’t written, had a plan but lost the Idea
Back to the interview, after thinking about it, they didn’t ask a lot of questions or have me sign the standard release of information. Talked to contact and she confirmed that he is a bit hostel, he is a rancher and thinks that smoking is a sign of weakness. If I am asked for a second interview I will feel him out some more, but it is unlikely because I am sure he has some one in mind.
Was asked a noncense question about a group we used to belong to by a buddy, it was fun and it wasn’t organized but when something weird happened e would say “Well we must consult the ***** about it.
The questioned concerned what the ***** would say about my predicament
From: Musings of a fat man
Sent: Monday, May 07, 2007 1:46 PM
To: old friend
Subject: RE: an';krtg'kn atrp
I have consulted the Great One
and I must take the four steps of realization
1) Organization-eliminate any useless paper, everything including toilet paper, I must also purchase a large sponge for the bathroom
2) Conversation-Look within one self and tape or write a 2 hour interview with my self, the questions must be written, four copies mailed to the four corners of the world and mailed back, the envelopes given to a Philatelist.
and the contents destroyed, the original is read on tape and I must respond to the questions. The video tape is then to be sent to Eric Cartman of South Park, CO for analysis
3)Conservation- I must conserve energy but drinking heavily for one week and sleeping the rest of the time while listening top the entire Pink Floyd Catalog over and over
4) realization- I must realize that nothing can stop me but my self. I must take a scientific approach to weight loss, healthy environment and healthy thinking, change my lifestyle, meet women who have make radical changes, and find those that believe they are now the elite, marry them and then dump all the negativity I have fostered as a chale on to them and become a happier person with someone else money
Upon further recollection I guess you had to be there.
Night
Damn 6 days since last post, much has happened some good some not so good
I put my meal to nuke and I think it will caramelize and open a hole to another universe.
Interview
After I made arrangements for an early interview Monday so I could go from the allergy shot, straight to the interview, I got a call that had me move the interview from Monday to Tuesday. I dusted off the Interview/Funeral suit, downloaded everything I could find out about the agency and studied a bit. I made a trial run to find the place, and it is easy to find. It is in a residential neighborhood behind a car dealership but has the illusion of being secluded. It looks like is has no place being there.
The Interview started out ok, the woman kept smiling but the man seemed aggressive and after I described what my experiences were, he kind of told me what the job entailed as though I had gotten the job and he was letting me know in no uncertain terms what was expected. We talked about the accounting system and I told him that I had worked with several and with a little training (I would get one month) I could manage it. Apparently since it is so small I would handle all financial aspects except for H/R. The woman seemed friendly and I think I handled her questions, but the gentleman seemed perturbed and I gathered from his explanation on how important it is to be there, and that some people abused their sick leave to the point, when they needed it they were SOL and took LWOP. I offered to show my leave balances twice but he said it was none of his business. Curious enough though, I don’t think I had a chance from the beginning, and they may have someone in mind. But I could be wrong; I’m replaying the whole thing in my head. Luckily on of my references worked there and I brought up her name in the sense that I got a heads up on what they do.
Lunch over, I need to post a card for my grandma who is over 90
May 8, 2007
Lost train of thought and haven’t written, had a plan but lost the Idea
Back to the interview, after thinking about it, they didn’t ask a lot of questions or have me sign the standard release of information. Talked to contact and she confirmed that he is a bit hostel, he is a rancher and thinks that smoking is a sign of weakness. If I am asked for a second interview I will feel him out some more, but it is unlikely because I am sure he has some one in mind.
Was asked a noncense question about a group we used to belong to by a buddy, it was fun and it wasn’t organized but when something weird happened e would say “Well we must consult the ***** about it.
The questioned concerned what the ***** would say about my predicament
From: Musings of a fat man
Sent: Monday, May 07, 2007 1:46 PM
To: old friend
Subject: RE: an';krtg'kn atrp
I have consulted the Great One
and I must take the four steps of realization
1) Organization-eliminate any useless paper, everything including toilet paper, I must also purchase a large sponge for the bathroom
2) Conversation-Look within one self and tape or write a 2 hour interview with my self, the questions must be written, four copies mailed to the four corners of the world and mailed back, the envelopes given to a Philatelist.
and the contents destroyed, the original is read on tape and I must respond to the questions. The video tape is then to be sent to Eric Cartman of South Park, CO for analysis
3)Conservation- I must conserve energy but drinking heavily for one week and sleeping the rest of the time while listening top the entire Pink Floyd Catalog over and over
4) realization- I must realize that nothing can stop me but my self. I must take a scientific approach to weight loss, healthy environment and healthy thinking, change my lifestyle, meet women who have make radical changes, and find those that believe they are now the elite, marry them and then dump all the negativity I have fostered as a chale on to them and become a happier person with someone else money
Upon further recollection I guess you had to be there.
Night
Thursday, April 26, 2007
The Fat man and homeland security
April 26, 2007
Didn’t realize it had been this long, much has happened, my PU got into it with S2 over N2, and S2 basically told PU1 to [blank] off, and S2 called me and vented youthful frustrations that happened along time ago, as I don’t share S2 views exactly I didn’t argue, but expressed my concerns over long term effects
Anyway
Got creamed 4/20 and 4/21 was nonexistent, didn’t recover enough to eat until 11:00pm, BS was 96, Gf announced plans to come over but Gf never did, Gf was pretty out of it and still wants to avoid trial but wants to go directly to CS, but Gf may be stuck with the court ordered evaluation program. This means of course Gf may be subject to testing. Gf wants to come over to restore some normalcy but as I explained in my last letter to her I don’t feel a connection anymore all Gf wants is laundry, cokes, a deep deep nap, and then with the excuse that kitty will be scared and she has to go, so when Gf didn’t make it, I felt more relief than anxiety.
Finally got license renewed, I got a hold of the Secretary of state office that deals with this and I faxed copy of passport, SSI card, and current license on Friday, and a statement that I had never driven in the state, I tried the local offices and was told ‘Tough Beans” there is nothing I could do and some a-hole at the MVD suggested I contact the officer that issued the ticket, Unf***ing believable.
End lunch
I called the SOS and they got the fax and they even called me when they sent the fax, I got my license but the hold wasn’t removed. I keep the fax in the pouch with the registration. Homeland security at work.
I have an interview with violent crime reparations; D used to work there and said it is a good place to work. My lack of confidence tells me the job is beyond me; my lack of interest at work will get me into trouble. I had a few pops last night and sleep was not provided. I am tired, and LOST reaffirms that I should had tried to be a writer in college.
We thought we could do it
We thought we were immortal
I knew the signal
But chose to ignore it
I hoped for success
But did nothing to achieve it
The failure was mine,
but your to share
(sidebar: I just saw a show about a penis fish, god am I patheric)
Didn’t realize it had been this long, much has happened, my PU got into it with S2 over N2, and S2 basically told PU1 to [blank] off, and S2 called me and vented youthful frustrations that happened along time ago, as I don’t share S2 views exactly I didn’t argue, but expressed my concerns over long term effects
Anyway
Got creamed 4/20 and 4/21 was nonexistent, didn’t recover enough to eat until 11:00pm, BS was 96, Gf announced plans to come over but Gf never did, Gf was pretty out of it and still wants to avoid trial but wants to go directly to CS, but Gf may be stuck with the court ordered evaluation program. This means of course Gf may be subject to testing. Gf wants to come over to restore some normalcy but as I explained in my last letter to her I don’t feel a connection anymore all Gf wants is laundry, cokes, a deep deep nap, and then with the excuse that kitty will be scared and she has to go, so when Gf didn’t make it, I felt more relief than anxiety.
Finally got license renewed, I got a hold of the Secretary of state office that deals with this and I faxed copy of passport, SSI card, and current license on Friday, and a statement that I had never driven in the state, I tried the local offices and was told ‘Tough Beans” there is nothing I could do and some a-hole at the MVD suggested I contact the officer that issued the ticket, Unf***ing believable.
End lunch
I called the SOS and they got the fax and they even called me when they sent the fax, I got my license but the hold wasn’t removed. I keep the fax in the pouch with the registration. Homeland security at work.
I have an interview with violent crime reparations; D used to work there and said it is a good place to work. My lack of confidence tells me the job is beyond me; my lack of interest at work will get me into trouble. I had a few pops last night and sleep was not provided. I am tired, and LOST reaffirms that I should had tried to be a writer in college.
We thought we could do it
We thought we were immortal
I knew the signal
But chose to ignore it
I hoped for success
But did nothing to achieve it
The failure was mine,
but your to share
(sidebar: I just saw a show about a penis fish, god am I patheric)
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Deadlines in abstenia
April 19, 2007
Man when it rains it pours
Bsugar last night 103
This morning 120
I have no Idea what that means
Ok lets vamos a boogie
Had lunch with S2 and gave money to obtain tickets from S2 acquaintance, nice lunch we caught up a bit and discussed S2 plan to go away and start over N1 will be going along as well. N2 will be staying behind and we discussed how life will change for N2.
I get call that N1 is looking for a cosigner on auto loan and I remember that age, and what happens when you essentially work for the car, and very often you fail and cosigner has to bail out young person. You see it all the time on Judge Judy. S2 got in fight with N2 and threw her out despite age status. N2 is almost legal and was forced to move in with her SO despite age difference and the way SO treats her. PU’s can’t take her in because they can’t deal with teenagers and N2 is very sullen, depressed and gets high al the time. N2 has no job and I’m afraid will turn out mean. I can’t help and S2 is enjoying new life far too much and I fear N2 will get used when S2 leaves. S2 has always been depressed and when I was in between apartments I stayed with them so I could find a decent place, and we bonded big time, N1 and I have been close in a different way and always will, but I’ve always felt bad for N2.
Gf has a chance to enter program to avoid trial and wants to not go to program because they test and she couldn’t pass a 24 hr test at present, if found guilty she will get CS. Tough choice, get clean and live or pick up trash until the next time. Last nights SP was about asking for change and while it was is usual irreverent self if there was a point, it went over my head. Have to check the net. This is what my Gf was doing when she got the ticket.
At least I am still one fat SOB
Nighttime
Its time to renew my license before the grace period, so I took some time of from work and I tried the state MVD but it doesn’t take plastic unless a kiosk is used, Tried to do it but my license came back as expired. I went to a clerk and she said I have to go to the window, but they don’t take plastic at the window. I went to an “Express’ where you pay 18 bucks for the privilege, and the clerk there tells me that someone in a state far away has a ticket with the same name and birth date and they put a hold on it. I have to call a number to get a fax but I’m wondering if the ID is being used by someone else, the ssi number isn’t the same, but WTF, I’m wondering how long is this gonna take. How do I get a waiver, how much time do I have to take off work?
Call from Gf, of course there is a knock at the door, and I can hear the person yelling about some emergency, oh the drama
The Promise made was not what it seems
When illuminated by the sunbeams
Time to post
Man when it rains it pours
Bsugar last night 103
This morning 120
I have no Idea what that means
Ok lets vamos a boogie
Had lunch with S2 and gave money to obtain tickets from S2 acquaintance, nice lunch we caught up a bit and discussed S2 plan to go away and start over N1 will be going along as well. N2 will be staying behind and we discussed how life will change for N2.
I get call that N1 is looking for a cosigner on auto loan and I remember that age, and what happens when you essentially work for the car, and very often you fail and cosigner has to bail out young person. You see it all the time on Judge Judy. S2 got in fight with N2 and threw her out despite age status. N2 is almost legal and was forced to move in with her SO despite age difference and the way SO treats her. PU’s can’t take her in because they can’t deal with teenagers and N2 is very sullen, depressed and gets high al the time. N2 has no job and I’m afraid will turn out mean. I can’t help and S2 is enjoying new life far too much and I fear N2 will get used when S2 leaves. S2 has always been depressed and when I was in between apartments I stayed with them so I could find a decent place, and we bonded big time, N1 and I have been close in a different way and always will, but I’ve always felt bad for N2.
Gf has a chance to enter program to avoid trial and wants to not go to program because they test and she couldn’t pass a 24 hr test at present, if found guilty she will get CS. Tough choice, get clean and live or pick up trash until the next time. Last nights SP was about asking for change and while it was is usual irreverent self if there was a point, it went over my head. Have to check the net. This is what my Gf was doing when she got the ticket.
At least I am still one fat SOB
Nighttime
Its time to renew my license before the grace period, so I took some time of from work and I tried the state MVD but it doesn’t take plastic unless a kiosk is used, Tried to do it but my license came back as expired. I went to a clerk and she said I have to go to the window, but they don’t take plastic at the window. I went to an “Express’ where you pay 18 bucks for the privilege, and the clerk there tells me that someone in a state far away has a ticket with the same name and birth date and they put a hold on it. I have to call a number to get a fax but I’m wondering if the ID is being used by someone else, the ssi number isn’t the same, but WTF, I’m wondering how long is this gonna take. How do I get a waiver, how much time do I have to take off work?
Call from Gf, of course there is a knock at the door, and I can hear the person yelling about some emergency, oh the drama
The Promise made was not what it seems
When illuminated by the sunbeams
Time to post
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
cops and the blood level
April 17, 2007
Lunch 11:00am
Gf had court this morning and the cop showed up, and Gf forgot her paperwork. The judge ordered her a PD and sent her to a different court because of her mental state (I’m sure she put on quite a show without meaning to). The judge she was sent to is the same one that sent her to jail because she refused a lawyer and insisted on pleading guilty and pissed off the judge, she got 6 months. She told me later that she told the judge she wanted to get it over with. Well he did.
32 dead, one suicide 15 injured no word on the extent of the injuries. The shooter is a student. There has been a lot said, written, and blogged and a lot of hand wringing, prayers, calls for gun control, calls for more armed people. It never ends, it happens every time there is a shooting. What I find unbelievable is that some people believe that “an armed society is a polite society” while I can understand the point made, if everyone was armed there would be more shootings as people lose their temper and instead of screaming they be shooting. It all doesn’t make any sense, it never does. Texas recently reduced the limits on concealed handguns, NM did as well but NM has pretty liberal rules. It has been said that an individual could walk down the street with a shotgun over his shoulder and while the police would probably stop him and check him out there is nothing they could do about it. At least people will stop talking about Imus for a while, but they will also forget Iraq where soldiers got the good news that they get another 3 months in country.
My blood sugar has been up lately, I need more friendly snacks as I have a low fat bologna sandwich about 9:00 and my blood sugar in the morning was 154. It was 103 the day before (6:00 am) and other than I didn’t eat because I got creamed. Nothing was different
Little Foghat live, I remember when they were kings of the summer concert tour, and a pack of smokes was 40 cents
Lunch today was brought to you by two coke zero, green apple and 290 calorie Lean Gourmet-Glazed Chicken, Bfast composed of sugar free energy beverage and two Bfast burritos from McDonalds accompanied by Gf who had a mcgriddle.
Lunch over
Lunch 11:00am
Gf had court this morning and the cop showed up, and Gf forgot her paperwork. The judge ordered her a PD and sent her to a different court because of her mental state (I’m sure she put on quite a show without meaning to). The judge she was sent to is the same one that sent her to jail because she refused a lawyer and insisted on pleading guilty and pissed off the judge, she got 6 months. She told me later that she told the judge she wanted to get it over with. Well he did.
32 dead, one suicide 15 injured no word on the extent of the injuries. The shooter is a student. There has been a lot said, written, and blogged and a lot of hand wringing, prayers, calls for gun control, calls for more armed people. It never ends, it happens every time there is a shooting. What I find unbelievable is that some people believe that “an armed society is a polite society” while I can understand the point made, if everyone was armed there would be more shootings as people lose their temper and instead of screaming they be shooting. It all doesn’t make any sense, it never does. Texas recently reduced the limits on concealed handguns, NM did as well but NM has pretty liberal rules. It has been said that an individual could walk down the street with a shotgun over his shoulder and while the police would probably stop him and check him out there is nothing they could do about it. At least people will stop talking about Imus for a while, but they will also forget Iraq where soldiers got the good news that they get another 3 months in country.
My blood sugar has been up lately, I need more friendly snacks as I have a low fat bologna sandwich about 9:00 and my blood sugar in the morning was 154. It was 103 the day before (6:00 am) and other than I didn’t eat because I got creamed. Nothing was different
Little Foghat live, I remember when they were kings of the summer concert tour, and a pack of smokes was 40 cents
Lunch today was brought to you by two coke zero, green apple and 290 calorie Lean Gourmet-Glazed Chicken, Bfast composed of sugar free energy beverage and two Bfast burritos from McDonalds accompanied by Gf who had a mcgriddle.
Lunch over
Monday, April 16, 2007
Eve of insanity
April 13, 2007
I missed a day because I was really busy and I forgot to put the laptop in the car, I think I ate strawberries and read a magazine for lunch but I can never be sure because my memory is suspect unless I have something to trigger it.
Looks like I am going to see the concert after all, only going to cost me and my niece 112.00. Blood test was 140wednesday as I recall and 120 yesterday.
I ate cowboy stew a quart of strawberries, banana, and an Angus burger from BK
It is probably a lot but I got really frustrated with Gf on her inability to get the simplest things done and her DU and Dfriends which is killing her and any last real chance to become human, if it wasn’t for the cat I’d stay away but she hasn’t gotten the at its chip nor fixed yet (for free) and if gets any kind of jail time (since she won’t take the trouble to get a PD) what will happen to the cat not to mention the people who will break into her house and use there.
Break over
April 16, 2007
Lunch, much has happened
Imus is gone (for now)
Gf is messing with her freedom, and the Kat will suffer, she wants teeth pulled and it is for pain meds, one last big blow out before she sleeps through her court date.
I sent her a letter which I will post her at the end, in which I laid out exactly what I think. I accented it by getting absolutely creamed Friday night, and it took all day Saturday to recover. Stupid I wasn’t sick but I felt as though I did damage to my body, this is as you know much worse than a hangover. Anyway I don’t know what I will do If she gets any jail time, she don’t answer the phone and I know her friends will break in while she is gone and destroy what little she has. She has had over a month to take care of a ticket and she doesn’t get it.
This morning over 30 were killed at Virginia Tech, from early reports the shootings started early and continued hours later. One account had the gunman lining up people against a wall and executing them.
One thing that really bugs me is that there is no headline news radio feed so I don’t have to listen to talk shows and listen to their propaganda, “NRA all the WAY” or “Take ALL the GUNS”
I’m listening to a few Sex Pistols I found on my hard drive
I’m getting psyched for the heaven and hell tour plus Megadeth. It will be truly awesome, which is something I can’t say for Ozzy. To get first crack at the codes to get free tickets you gotta buy his new cd, which is fine I suppose since I would anyway, but the CD don’t ship out for another month and tickets not available until June.
I thought it was possible, you said it was true
Blue eyed innocence draining from you
We never had a chance
To pursue the romance
In the end it not was to be
For you and me
All that remains from the romantic hype
Is the crap left in your glass pipe
Lunch over
Hope to post later this evening
I missed a day because I was really busy and I forgot to put the laptop in the car, I think I ate strawberries and read a magazine for lunch but I can never be sure because my memory is suspect unless I have something to trigger it.
Looks like I am going to see the concert after all, only going to cost me and my niece 112.00. Blood test was 140wednesday as I recall and 120 yesterday.
I ate cowboy stew a quart of strawberries, banana, and an Angus burger from BK
It is probably a lot but I got really frustrated with Gf on her inability to get the simplest things done and her DU and Dfriends which is killing her and any last real chance to become human, if it wasn’t for the cat I’d stay away but she hasn’t gotten the at its chip nor fixed yet (for free) and if gets any kind of jail time (since she won’t take the trouble to get a PD) what will happen to the cat not to mention the people who will break into her house and use there.
Break over
April 16, 2007
Lunch, much has happened
Imus is gone (for now)
Gf is messing with her freedom, and the Kat will suffer, she wants teeth pulled and it is for pain meds, one last big blow out before she sleeps through her court date.
I sent her a letter which I will post her at the end, in which I laid out exactly what I think. I accented it by getting absolutely creamed Friday night, and it took all day Saturday to recover. Stupid I wasn’t sick but I felt as though I did damage to my body, this is as you know much worse than a hangover. Anyway I don’t know what I will do If she gets any jail time, she don’t answer the phone and I know her friends will break in while she is gone and destroy what little she has. She has had over a month to take care of a ticket and she doesn’t get it.
This morning over 30 were killed at Virginia Tech, from early reports the shootings started early and continued hours later. One account had the gunman lining up people against a wall and executing them.
One thing that really bugs me is that there is no headline news radio feed so I don’t have to listen to talk shows and listen to their propaganda, “NRA all the WAY” or “Take ALL the GUNS”
I’m listening to a few Sex Pistols I found on my hard drive
I’m getting psyched for the heaven and hell tour plus Megadeth. It will be truly awesome, which is something I can’t say for Ozzy. To get first crack at the codes to get free tickets you gotta buy his new cd, which is fine I suppose since I would anyway, but the CD don’t ship out for another month and tickets not available until June.
I thought it was possible, you said it was true
Blue eyed innocence draining from you
We never had a chance
To pursue the romance
In the end it not was to be
For you and me
All that remains from the romantic hype
Is the crap left in your glass pipe
Lunch over
Hope to post later this evening
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
no morning glory and clapping for the I-Man
April 11, 2007
Wednesday
Morning break
One of the things I don’t like about my self is that I have very little patience; I hate waiting for the computer to power up and load what ever it is loading up. It only takes a few minutes but some idea may be inside my head and by the time I am ready to strike I get frustrated and I’m sure my BP goes up
Work is really strange as we all are trying to adjust to the new procedures brought on the change to a central accounting system and shortage of staff and the super is standing firm on accounting sections only doing accounting and all other details left to the section that used to hand them on to us.
The break is already over, because of various reasons I have lunch today at 11:30-12:30
Lunch
Yum yum, lunch today is kiwi and strawberries, I bought them this morning and they taste a little frozen, I need to do this myself and learn to prepare bfast and lunch for the next day instead of rushing in the morning. I currently smoke cigarettes and watch mindless TV, like Lost where tonight the story of why a fertility doctor is important, is the island making women sterile? How do the others know everyone’s story? What up with Hurley what is his story? And don’t give me the Cheech millionaire story.
Semi frozen kiwi aren’t half bad, I’m listening to a bad copy of a Megadeth performance at Woodstock, it taken from someone near the stage or from the TV and it is obvious the board wasn’t done right. So I switch to “Obscured by clouds” by PF which is an album I actually had a very long time ago when I bought it as an album, before CD’s, digital music, and enforceable marijuana laws.
The rest of the populace is about to take their lunch, and I am interested to see how many are taking advantage of the rebuild of the cafeteria, it looks like a coffee shop/diner except everything is out of vending machines People are even getting rid of the magazines and books they don’t want and people are taking breaks down here. I still think it is a weeding out process to formally ban anyone from taking their lunch at their desk and eat there or serf the net but what can you say, the council for the blind who by statue have control of all cafeterias contracts and food vending. (Ah a little Meddle like one of these days)
To much Kiwi is not a good thing, this cannot have been meant for one person, but for like a luncheon or a family. The strawberries are huge and not very sweet, maybe I’m used to the “enhancement” of flavored strawberries. (Now a little Sam).
Riding on the endless stream of youth, I overlooked with amusement the old man at the end of the road, when I reached the end the old timer looked familiar, I paused and asked who he was and where I was. It wasn’t so funny when I told him he was on the wrong road, and he was my mailman.
I miss Sam; I wonder what he might have made of the current war, would Bush have ever been elected? Too funny for words.
Well Imus is gone, at least from MSNBC for now. I feel bad for him but I think he can recover. He always said his show was about reveling in the misery of others, and all those he mocked have been waiting for a chance to get him. They are piling on, which is America’s favorite sport
Blood sugar in a hour
Wednesday
Morning break
One of the things I don’t like about my self is that I have very little patience; I hate waiting for the computer to power up and load what ever it is loading up. It only takes a few minutes but some idea may be inside my head and by the time I am ready to strike I get frustrated and I’m sure my BP goes up
Work is really strange as we all are trying to adjust to the new procedures brought on the change to a central accounting system and shortage of staff and the super is standing firm on accounting sections only doing accounting and all other details left to the section that used to hand them on to us.
The break is already over, because of various reasons I have lunch today at 11:30-12:30
Lunch
Yum yum, lunch today is kiwi and strawberries, I bought them this morning and they taste a little frozen, I need to do this myself and learn to prepare bfast and lunch for the next day instead of rushing in the morning. I currently smoke cigarettes and watch mindless TV, like Lost where tonight the story of why a fertility doctor is important, is the island making women sterile? How do the others know everyone’s story? What up with Hurley what is his story? And don’t give me the Cheech millionaire story.
Semi frozen kiwi aren’t half bad, I’m listening to a bad copy of a Megadeth performance at Woodstock, it taken from someone near the stage or from the TV and it is obvious the board wasn’t done right. So I switch to “Obscured by clouds” by PF which is an album I actually had a very long time ago when I bought it as an album, before CD’s, digital music, and enforceable marijuana laws.
The rest of the populace is about to take their lunch, and I am interested to see how many are taking advantage of the rebuild of the cafeteria, it looks like a coffee shop/diner except everything is out of vending machines People are even getting rid of the magazines and books they don’t want and people are taking breaks down here. I still think it is a weeding out process to formally ban anyone from taking their lunch at their desk and eat there or serf the net but what can you say, the council for the blind who by statue have control of all cafeterias contracts and food vending. (Ah a little Meddle like one of these days)
To much Kiwi is not a good thing, this cannot have been meant for one person, but for like a luncheon or a family. The strawberries are huge and not very sweet, maybe I’m used to the “enhancement” of flavored strawberries. (Now a little Sam).
Riding on the endless stream of youth, I overlooked with amusement the old man at the end of the road, when I reached the end the old timer looked familiar, I paused and asked who he was and where I was. It wasn’t so funny when I told him he was on the wrong road, and he was my mailman.
I miss Sam; I wonder what he might have made of the current war, would Bush have ever been elected? Too funny for words.
Well Imus is gone, at least from MSNBC for now. I feel bad for him but I think he can recover. He always said his show was about reveling in the misery of others, and all those he mocked have been waiting for a chance to get him. They are piling on, which is America’s favorite sport
Blood sugar in a hour
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
The rise of Bauer and the fall of a cowboy
Bauer kicks ass
Another day another morning in the glory, morning break and I’m glad the vending machines make lots of noise because there is a meeting going on and it sounds important, far too important to have it in the break room, but meeting room space is at a premium.
Last night 24 really floored me, from fake terrorists, adrenalin junkie presidents, shootouts galore, classic one liners (let’s have fun, and say hello to your brother [which is taken from Die Hard]), hangings and evil Chinese agents holding blond girlfriends. It had everything.
Lunch
Finally figured to add the music transferred from my old computer to the laptop to media player, it makes for easier usage of the laptop.
More infighting from the floors below, My section used to handle all the paperwork concerning money, now that we don’t control the accounting system and have lost all key entry support (and we are 9 months behind) the new super is squawking over the duties that don’t involve cash and the sections are squawking over why they have to take over.
Got a call from DJ, he used to work here and made a big mistake that hurt his career, so he left and now he is high demand and he is offered positions and two agencies are in a bit of a bidding war, I advised him (Found my “Foghat”, … cool) to stay put a while because if another agency wants you so bad they are willing to throw money at you, you should assume things are really bad.
Megadeth is coming soon to support Black Sabbath with Dio, I want to go real bad but while I will cover niece 2 ticket I can’t afford to cover s2 and son, but I may have to dish it out. Bummer but WTF.
I have to use a counter because I was not quick enough to grab the one booth that has an outlet and the battery died, so the only other one is on a stool and my ass hurts because I am too heavy.
The spoken one hesitated a few moments before opening his eyes, he took in the warmth of the sun, almost basking in it like a baptismal. Clinching his fists tight he raised his arms in victory. The crowd stared and pointed, it was a victory they didn’t want to see.
Lunch over
Home again
Looks like Imus may be done, his only hope is that something else will happen, hopefully something positive will come out of the meeting with the BB team.
Blood sugar is 113 before meal
Another day another morning in the glory, morning break and I’m glad the vending machines make lots of noise because there is a meeting going on and it sounds important, far too important to have it in the break room, but meeting room space is at a premium.
Last night 24 really floored me, from fake terrorists, adrenalin junkie presidents, shootouts galore, classic one liners (let’s have fun, and say hello to your brother [which is taken from Die Hard]), hangings and evil Chinese agents holding blond girlfriends. It had everything.
Lunch
Finally figured to add the music transferred from my old computer to the laptop to media player, it makes for easier usage of the laptop.
More infighting from the floors below, My section used to handle all the paperwork concerning money, now that we don’t control the accounting system and have lost all key entry support (and we are 9 months behind) the new super is squawking over the duties that don’t involve cash and the sections are squawking over why they have to take over.
Got a call from DJ, he used to work here and made a big mistake that hurt his career, so he left and now he is high demand and he is offered positions and two agencies are in a bit of a bidding war, I advised him (Found my “Foghat”, … cool) to stay put a while because if another agency wants you so bad they are willing to throw money at you, you should assume things are really bad.
Megadeth is coming soon to support Black Sabbath with Dio, I want to go real bad but while I will cover niece 2 ticket I can’t afford to cover s2 and son, but I may have to dish it out. Bummer but WTF.
I have to use a counter because I was not quick enough to grab the one booth that has an outlet and the battery died, so the only other one is on a stool and my ass hurts because I am too heavy.
The spoken one hesitated a few moments before opening his eyes, he took in the warmth of the sun, almost basking in it like a baptismal. Clinching his fists tight he raised his arms in victory. The crowd stared and pointed, it was a victory they didn’t want to see.
Lunch over
Home again
Looks like Imus may be done, his only hope is that something else will happen, hopefully something positive will come out of the meeting with the BB team.
Blood sugar is 113 before meal
Monday, April 09, 2007
Work, blood test, Imus, and 24
Monday April 9, 2007
Its break time and I need to start spending time away from my desk, it is cold and rainy outside which is a perfect opportunity to avoid a short walk outside
My blood sugar was 158 this morning which is high (I guess) and I had a wonderful breakfast of 12 strawberries and an orange and sugar free flavored water. I am having a banana and a cherry zero right now It is hard to write on break cause it takes so long for the laptop to start up and there is a general cracking down on rules, which were never really followed before, like I never took my breaks before but would surf the news sites for headlines to read during lunch, cause I only have dial-up at home and cannot get the Wi-Fi to work. Break over
Lunch
Got a little advice from a diabetic which is helpful because I’m not totally freaked out but I am a little worried about how I let myself go physically, mentally and spiritually. I got completely creamed Friday because G was supposed to get a PD and she left a note on her door saying that there was an emergency and she was sorry. I made a bad decision to distance myself from her spiritually and got really (well you know). I didn’t eat Saturday because I was still recovering and I did manage to go out shopping and get my supplies but didn’t follow up on my laundry which I did not do until Sunday.
Sunday was Easter and I went to my parents as usual, my sisters were there with their boyfriends but niece one was working (she is a waitperson) and niece two spent the weekend at her boyfriend who lives in a small town 30 miles away and she couldn’t get a ride, but I suspect she partied the night before. But I did get the news she will graduate, which despite the collective intelligence of the family is a rarity as GED is a phrase well known.
The previous Friday or three days ago I stopped by my parents to show them my new blood test machine and to talk with my dad on how it works. It just so happened my dad was not in a good mood and after we chatted sister two called and my dad went on a rage that all he wants for Easter (I think he meant his B-day which is next month) is for the family to all go to church together. This is strange because sister one is a evangelical Christian, and sister two disavows all organized religion. Nieces are neither catholic nor religious (in face niece two is angry about something I cannot specify) and I consider myself catholic but don’t practice.
Much of the rage concerned his shame that people he knows all sit together with their children and grandchildren. My only comment was that at least we all don’t meet at the Jail for holidays to visit someone who broke the law. He didn’t comment but I should not have said that and let it go.
It is amazing that I have let my desire of nothingness to interfere with the people; who are close to me. I avoid human contact and people get tired of asking for a visit when I make lame excuses and they know that I am probably drinking or wallowing in self misery.
Pop culture item: Imus apologized this morning for insensitive remarks he made Wednesday, I think he is sincere, and very sorry but he is so out of touch with mainstream America that he didn’t realize that the derogatory comments he made were really hurtful to the Rutgers BB team. He forgot that a few years earlier he sent a kid home from his ranch for referring to a woman using the same term he used. The media is calling for him to be fired (he picks on everyone and they have been waiting for a mistake) and he is going on Al Sharpton to take the heat face on. He has much to lose, and I hope he learns and moves on.
Noon, time to check the news upstairs
Work is done
Watching 24, looks like the story finally returned to its roots
Imus is suspended, my E-mail was read over the air, I think he will learn the lesson of being humble, I hope he makes it through and they are not just using him for the radiothon.
24 just got really cool
bye
Its break time and I need to start spending time away from my desk, it is cold and rainy outside which is a perfect opportunity to avoid a short walk outside
My blood sugar was 158 this morning which is high (I guess) and I had a wonderful breakfast of 12 strawberries and an orange and sugar free flavored water. I am having a banana and a cherry zero right now It is hard to write on break cause it takes so long for the laptop to start up and there is a general cracking down on rules, which were never really followed before, like I never took my breaks before but would surf the news sites for headlines to read during lunch, cause I only have dial-up at home and cannot get the Wi-Fi to work. Break over
Lunch
Got a little advice from a diabetic which is helpful because I’m not totally freaked out but I am a little worried about how I let myself go physically, mentally and spiritually. I got completely creamed Friday because G was supposed to get a PD and she left a note on her door saying that there was an emergency and she was sorry. I made a bad decision to distance myself from her spiritually and got really (well you know). I didn’t eat Saturday because I was still recovering and I did manage to go out shopping and get my supplies but didn’t follow up on my laundry which I did not do until Sunday.
Sunday was Easter and I went to my parents as usual, my sisters were there with their boyfriends but niece one was working (she is a waitperson) and niece two spent the weekend at her boyfriend who lives in a small town 30 miles away and she couldn’t get a ride, but I suspect she partied the night before. But I did get the news she will graduate, which despite the collective intelligence of the family is a rarity as GED is a phrase well known.
The previous Friday or three days ago I stopped by my parents to show them my new blood test machine and to talk with my dad on how it works. It just so happened my dad was not in a good mood and after we chatted sister two called and my dad went on a rage that all he wants for Easter (I think he meant his B-day which is next month) is for the family to all go to church together. This is strange because sister one is a evangelical Christian, and sister two disavows all organized religion. Nieces are neither catholic nor religious (in face niece two is angry about something I cannot specify) and I consider myself catholic but don’t practice.
Much of the rage concerned his shame that people he knows all sit together with their children and grandchildren. My only comment was that at least we all don’t meet at the Jail for holidays to visit someone who broke the law. He didn’t comment but I should not have said that and let it go.
It is amazing that I have let my desire of nothingness to interfere with the people; who are close to me. I avoid human contact and people get tired of asking for a visit when I make lame excuses and they know that I am probably drinking or wallowing in self misery.
Pop culture item: Imus apologized this morning for insensitive remarks he made Wednesday, I think he is sincere, and very sorry but he is so out of touch with mainstream America that he didn’t realize that the derogatory comments he made were really hurtful to the Rutgers BB team. He forgot that a few years earlier he sent a kid home from his ranch for referring to a woman using the same term he used. The media is calling for him to be fired (he picks on everyone and they have been waiting for a mistake) and he is going on Al Sharpton to take the heat face on. He has much to lose, and I hope he learns and moves on.
Noon, time to check the news upstairs
Work is done
Watching 24, looks like the story finally returned to its roots
Imus is suspended, my E-mail was read over the air, I think he will learn the lesson of being humble, I hope he makes it through and they are not just using him for the radiothon.
24 just got really cool
bye
Sunday, April 08, 2007
I always thought I was pretty sweet
Haven’t written in a while, nothing really wrong just lazy
Friday I got the results of my blood sugar
Fasting glucose---------100 (above 99 indicated pre-diabetes)
Total Cholesterol -------159 not bad I weigh 272 5’3, I feel bab for those people who work out all the time and still register over 250 (sort of)
Triglycerides 261--------Pretty high
HDL------------------33 I get to exercise, oh what fun
LDL----------------74 optimal id 70-100
A1C-----------------7.1 should be below 6
So I get to test my sugar levels once a day
More later
Friday I got the results of my blood sugar
Fasting glucose---------100 (above 99 indicated pre-diabetes)
Total Cholesterol -------159 not bad I weigh 272 5’3, I feel bab for those people who work out all the time and still register over 250 (sort of)
Triglycerides 261--------Pretty high
HDL------------------33 I get to exercise, oh what fun
LDL----------------74 optimal id 70-100
A1C-----------------7.1 should be below 6
So I get to test my sugar levels once a day
More later
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