Sunday, January 31, 2010

Stuck in a Laundrymat while my baby gets high

In the interest of being fair I have to admit that I support the legalization of drugs, all drugs, second of all if I had behaved like a responsible adult I wouldn’t be in my financial mess, and If I had had a diet like an adult and not a 19 yr old I would not be 150 pounds over weight, I would not be a member of the diabetic club, I would not have the vast mistrust of anything and everything,, I would have stopped drinking like a published author, I would have written the 1000 words a day like I wanted to, and would have been published, I would have had a better sense of my awareness, I would have ascribed to a higher calling, a purpose I would have risen to meet the demands of what was needed, I could have helped mankind, written the great American novel that would have brought JD Salinger out of retirement to release the other novels that either would have cemented his name among the very greats, or as I suspect nothing matched his masterpiece.,

I started this when my gf (1) was awaiting word on how much time she would have to serve, she was given a 3 yr sentence for what amounts to 10 worth of cocaine, sounds outrageous but her drug habits have resulted in a long rap sheet one of which is serious (2) , she ended up getting 48 hrs in jail and was ordered to report the next morning, so naturally she used right up until she got a ride down there, I made good use of the time there by drinking Friday-Saturday and smoking two packs of cheap cigarettes that GF has left on the couch, went over two years without, but the hacking this morning should be enough to keep me away (3)

So she gets out this morning and I remind her she needs to get laundry done and shopping, and she announces she needs a coke and cheeseburger-fry right away and she cries into my shoulder that she has learned her lesion, but feels sick, she takes a nap, we got to the store, and I forget something and when I get back she needs 5 bucks for pills , the food is still on the shelf and she starts screaming at me to leave her alone, SO I retreat into my haven, and I hear her say she has 50 bucks and I see her dealer drive up, (he doesn’t see me) and I know she is lying but I don’t want to ruin her buzz so I get my laundry, drive the 5 miles to my old neighborhood, put in 55 lbs of laundry in a super washer, and end up surrounded by 8 college students doing 1-2 loads all circling looking for a dryer and checking out the other students. God I wish I had gone away to college, but it would have been worse to be kicked out of a college in a strange town, saying good bye to new friends and transferring to the local college sans scholarship, maybe I get a state job let them pay for college and I’m retired by now, banging some coed as I would be pursuing my masters in Chicano studies as I became the Angry Brown man getting White young coed’s to feel guilty about keeping the brown man down. As It is I just hope GF doesn’t use too much and blows her next UA and does two weeks followed bu a third strike and doing a year out of town by then I would be in a happy place and pay off enough that me and kitty can find a little house to rent and we can hide from the crack smoking loud woman who has fried her pleasure centers



(1) I sound like an idiot calling someone who I care very much about my gf, I shold say lover, but since her habits are not contuctive to a healthy relationship, there is little of that, but I don’t know what else to say
(2) She robbed a pizza place of $40.00, she robbed it on the day the police department and the National Air Guard were having a toys for tot’s party, and she robbed it as the chief of police was coming up on a sleigh wearing a Santa hat, she didn’t notice all the police in the parking lot, or all the men in uniform, if she had don’t this now she would have made stupid criminal of the year, naturally it made it to TV and she has been 86’ed by some of her family and my mom
(3) I’ve often wondered if a long streak is good for you, if the time that passes adds to the pressure, I’ve been to several AA meetings and other than it is a good place to pick up chicks with low self esteem, I notice that they say “one day at a time” but give out chips for 30, days, 60 days, etc

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

wednesday distractions

January 27, 2010

Today I noticed that the days are noticeably longer, driving home I didn’t need to turn on the lights, my car has driving lights, and I didn’t feel the need to use them (1), the radio stations have gotten awful lately (2), I usually listen to sports talk radio, but the good talent has left and one is an old TV guy who is ok, but not funny and the other are three guys who think very highly of themselves and do not take to criticism, so I changed to a rock station and there is usually band of the day or five at five, and sometimes there is a theme, so the first song is Aerosmith’s “Train kept a rolling”, then Blackfoot’s “Train” then Metallica’s “one” so I’m cruising and trying to think what the connection because if the prize is good the answer is something like the lead singers banged a groupie, the groupie’s mom and the groupie’s kid at some point in time (3), I was almost home and the DJ sounded like a stoned middle aged man and when he gave the call letters I discovered and forgotten I had changed the station during lunch, there is a point here but I guess the main point is that it is hard too write while watching a Lobo-BYU game that is back and forth
Curious thing about LDS is that it seems like the most bizarre but the most peaceful of the religions, raised a Catholic there is a lot of heavy duty guilt, but heavy redemption, but LDS seem peaceful but the story is the most bizarre, and it seems like most LDS know its bizarre but seems content within themselves which is half the battle, they get a lot of grief but since Tom Cruise became famous it has taken a lot of heat of all the others, they don’t seem preachy unless they are trying to convert, and honestly it is the converts that create the most distraction, I went to school with a couple of gals who were LDS both cute but one had a great Ass, dynamite smile, cute figure, and got stoned in HS, I got nowhere, but really didn’t try but I almost had to give her sister a shower cause she was so drunk and her dad the former cop was looking for her, since I knew her dad I didn’t do it (4)
Irregardless I really like it when BYU loses, I mean I really really like it, and when they win, I ask Jesus if he really visited the native Americans and why none of them ever talk about it (5) Hurrah for our side



(1) I actually forgot and didn’t think about it as I hit the freeway, I noticed the older cars that don’t have the driving lights, and being the good citizen that I am I promptly turned them on as soon as I noticed, but a sheriffs car passed me that only had the driving lights on as there were no tail lights, I briefly wondered why cars don’t have the tail lights on all the time as I am more likely to get rear ended than run over somebody who didn’t see me coming
(2) In a rare twist of fate for others, but business as usual for me, all of my cd/dvd players are not working including my car, which ate a CD of great guitar songs complication one of which was noteworthy but I don’t remember the name except it was in a car commercial and the only lyrics are “woohoo”
(3) One time the prize was each daily winner for the week would get a trip to Vegas for Ozzfest, and predictably the first four were tied to Ozzfest, the last one no one got for an hour, the answer was on the five songs played the bass players were all left handed which I guess is unusual, but the phone lines melted down and the radio station had to call police because of the threats, or at least that is what the station claimed, I think it was a stunt, but I didn’t see the point of it
(4) I’ll tell the whole story at another time
(5) Final Score Lobos 76 BYU 72
719

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Another pointless but fiber free day

January 11, 2010

This is a pointless effort at writing, and wanders on and off the point this is a warning. This piece is an attempt for me to write 365,000 words in 2010 as of this day I have written 1820 so far but have a piece with 2000 that needs serious editing because it was written I pieces but reflects prior days, and is really choppy, and it is not choppy in a good way. For those who dare to move forward, any and all comments are welcome

Another day of futility, a reminder of pointless existence, whose path I paved with my own depressed feeble brain, soaked in the sweat of my worried brow. It started slowly, I awoke from another dream where I spent time with a dead loved one, which is normal, except for they were the way I remembered them in the 60’s and I was my current age so I was actually older, and we were not doing anything interesting, or memory worthy, just chatting about mundane things, which makes me think if it wasn’t religious from the standpoint that I’ve always wondered when you go to heaven, do you go as you died, when you thought you were your coolest, or when you were your most pious. Do you get a choice?, the first of the pointless points is what if the afterlife is a series of revisiting points in your life at various ages from the stand point of when you were the most able to make a good decision, like when choosing a college I would revisit that decision at lets say 48, and what decision would I make while some sentinel would jab me with a spear if I make a bad decision or a ticket for a buffet if I make a good decision, and eternity is about getting a really good meal before they send you back and in your current incarnation really bad headaches are your prior self revisiting a prior life bad decision (like skydiving with Tarot card reader with one blue eye and one red eye), or is a boring dream a way for your brain to tell you that something has to change, from the standpoint I didn’t wake up tired, just annoyed to the point I stayed in bed long enough to take care of the cat clan up and grab a burger from Carl’s ( I know its bad for the diet, diabetes, and general health, in my defense I didn’t give a hoot at 7:30 am but I did buy a Fanta strawberry drink and did a samba when the drink came down the shoot, and it made me feel happy for the 15 minutes until 8:00 and the bell was going ring a ding ding because someone wanted some post it notes and didn’t want to wait so they asked the gal who has temporary ownership of the detail, to get to it at the opening bell so to speak. I retrieved the desired post it notes, tossed the empty bottle that formerly held a strawberry drink that brought me a few moments of escapism into the trash, and briefly wondered why no recycling of plastics in a government building, before a smiling face appeared, wished me a good morning, and wanted to know if I was in a good mood and why, for reasons some of you know, I can come up with a highly implausible but amusing story that involves my place in the universe and why I should be allowed to retire, and this one involved the McGuire brothers where one loses the Spiderman gig ( a good move in my opinion, the actors seemed bored but wanted a paycheck to do an art movie that would involve nudity, homosexuality, and cannibalism, and give an uninspired performance that would make me really unhappy with a torn $12 ticket, ½ empty $7.00 buttered popcorn, empty $6.00 soda and a full bladder screaming at me that nothing special would happen during the credits), and that Bozo admits he used steroids but it didn’t help him hit a baseball except that if not for the steroids he never would have been in good enough shape to stand up after a morning dump with out the help of a walker during his most productive years, he made about 100 million and says he is sorry, I understand that he made money for the team, baseball, and the community dependent on baseball, but get serious, there are kids and young men in freezing weather chasing a illusionary enemy for college tuition, or life training for something that has meaning, and old mark is upset because people thinks he cheated, Bite me McGuire, both of you, of course the smiling face left and I went about my duties, trying to clear up the end of the year stuff, new stuff while trying to determine which new appointee will draw the short stick and actually do work instead of attending pointless meetings where we all 1) “must work smarter, not harder” 2) “be willing to get our hands dirty”, 3) “ make do with the assets we have” 4) “ be thankful for out jobs” now I see merit in all of it. But I hate when a cousin of someone who gave money to a campaign and gets a cushy six figure job tells me that times are tough and to be grateful, pious bastards, I want to wish them harm by going to Little Haiti and finding a voodoo practice and paying the intern 10 bucks to put a minor spell that would cause a little minor indigestion, a bad hair day, and a misplaced glove while placing $5.00 of fuel in the tank, I used to wish really bad harm like a small meteor crashing through the windshield and leaving a bruise that looked like someone wrote “Eat me” on his forehead, but if it actually happened, not only would I get the blame, but it would probably look pretty cool, and that would just ruin my burger and strawberry Fanta

Monday, January 11, 2010

1000 words on my musings

January 11, 2010

Warning, this is pointless, rambling, and may seem harsh

Seeing as I am only 10,000 words behind on my pledge to write 365,000 words on thoughts, musings, and happenings this yea I had better get going, with the furlough coming up I hope to tell the saga of the Dallas trip with my dad this weekend and I am looking at taking an extra day but with the confusion over the changes with a few people leaving for greener pastures, the exempts getting laid-off, and the plethora of computers coming in to get tagged for inventory control, it would be possible to get the day off but not very practical. I could justify it, from a standpoint of dedication myself to working on the yard, after almost coughing up a lung when the area homeless guy who will tell his tale of woe on how he is willing to work with his hands to provide except he wants to charge something of the order of $20.00 -$30.00 an hour for very simple work, nothing fancy and he seemed insulted by my assessment he was charging way too much money, I just wanted him to clear the dead grass from in between the bricks on the side of the driveway, I didn’t want him to pull the bricks or get the grass by the roots, just take a hoe and scrap away the dead grass, and he goes $80.00, which literally made me question his honesty, I was going to have him clean the entire backyard and may have gone 300.00 maybe 350.00 for a couple days work, if he is telling the truth about his dire straights, he can get his woman out there and pulling and yanking, but no he cops an attitude and I believe he is focusing on elderly couples who can’t physically doing the work and he charges a premium in an area while not affluent is filled with families who do ok and are too busy to do the work, or too old. A neighbor is supposed to be a cop, but doesn’t have a patrol car, did a background check and checked out where he lived, and he does seem to be supporting a large cast but he claims he works enough o earn the rent and food for a day but the math doesn’t add up, his story doesn’t seem right and it may be true but sounds fishy as to why he doesn’t use public assistance, but his story could seem that way just through sheer repetition, but I can’t use him and he blew his chance with, me, may seem harsh but I didn’t like the way he was banging on the windows on Christmas eve ½ hour after sunset where I first heard his song and dance and he asked me for 10 bucks, and I understand him saying he was 10 bucks short of paying the rent, but I’ve heard that story before, its always 10 bucks because most people know asking for 20 bucks sounds like a drug addict, so it goes on and on and on.

Listening to the Jazz channel waiting for the news, trying to stay off the internet which is like a drug for me because My mind goes a million miles an hour and I spend much time on pop references, mindless trivia, or a simple answer to a complex scientific question, like rising ocean temperatures causing small islands to disappear, and I going what what what????, but the more I think about it, hmmm makes a little sense, except the ocean currents must offset it or something like that, a few minutes it sounded like someone turned on the water outside so I went out there with a flashlight and I didn’t hear anything, but I wondered where that sound came from, at first I thought a water line broke but I haven’t heard anything since, I have hearing problems I sometimes hear wind rushing by and it is just the fluid in my ears settling.

I feel like I am juggling many things, and I need to make a list and do a priority ranking, not just at home, but at work, they guy helping is very helpful and I need to get him some actual hard core training before he leaves, although there are no jobs out there and he is on federal training, but I worry about the future, I see the number that are released and I hear murmurs that they are much worse and the economic recovery will be slow and the credit crunch and low wages will keep economic growth down for up to 10 years, I remember the movie “they shoot horses don’t they” and I envision couples in their 60’s fighting couples in their 40’s for jobs at wal-mart doing jobs that teenagers or the 20’s doing and the younger people staying in school for as long as possible working at apprentice jobs for 60 cents on the dollar, and others joining the military and staying as long as possible, I’m missing some really horrible complex economic models, and cynicism and a sleeping kitty purring away may be affecting (effecting?) my tone or tense of note. I still haven’t unpacked and I put all the boxes in the on room that has no light or 100% working outlets, I also need lamps but I’m afraid to plug anything in without a surge protector and those cost 10-15 bucks, I don’t know if I want to trust $7.00 protector the good people at UL not withstanding, the darkness bummed me out big time, and the sun depresses me in the morning, almost like I pulled an all-nighter and the sun is mocking me as I try to keep my eyes open and stumble towards the car dressed up like that Christmas song cursing the light streaming over the mountains as my skin feels like a roaster begging for attention at the market