Letter to a friend 4 or is it 5 or 6

October 18, 2004 s/I 7

If you find in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded.
- Maya Angelou
If you can dream it, you can do it.
- Walt Disney
Think for yourself and let others enjoy the privilege of doing so too.
- Voltaire

8:30am
I forgot the handwritten letter at home so I will have to mail it either tonight or tomorrow, if I can make it to the gym it will be tonight. I hope you are happy PC’ing yourself. I was very frustrated with you concerning the envelopes. I suppose I’d prefer a long letter every couple of days than a short one every day. I gave you those envelopes to write your father, and me but if you can use them for creature comforts then it is all the same to me. You better not be using them for smokes as I don not condone that kind of activity when you are supposed to be preparing for an honest life on the outside. I had a terrible time sleeping last night and as a result I am sleepy but I did manage to sleep a few hours so I will not feel the effects for a while. I lost part of the tennis elbow brace and I am wearing the brace and debating whether or not to get a new one.

9:38am
I just hit the wall, one of my downloads crashed while I was trying to save it. I got one of the printouts so it isn’t a total disaster. I am in serious danger of nodding off. I wonder why I can’t sleep. Part of it might be the noise that the Cpap makes or the noise of the fan. I really do not care either way. I just want to sleep. I wonder how you fill your days? Do you just sit on the bunk and talk to others in PC, or do you just keep to yourself and write letters and re read the letters I send. You mentioned that you wee going to try to read the bible from beginning to end. How is that going? If you are still trying to do it then it must be very hard. I could not do it. I still do not understand your plan on what you will do once you get out, it may no longer be my business and it may never have been my business, but how will you stay on the straight and narrow. On thing while I can still concentrate, avoid the calls please. I get too aggravated, and it puts me in a bad mood. The letter I forgot I never finished and will mail as is, the goodwill I felt went away after I hung up. I remember when you used to call before I couldn’t take anymore I would stay on the phone until the time was up and the call would end with me telling you when I would visit. I can’t visit and I can’t talk to you for 15 minutes. Things have changed, (its not even 10:00 and I want to curl up and take a nap today will be hard)

10:52
Just came back from a walk, it is definitely fall, the coolness of the air I felt is replaces by the beads of sweat rolling off my forehead (when I was a kid every time I head someone talking about their forehead, I thought they meant they had four heads and I always wondered which head is in charge, when I hit puberty I found out which one was in charge) like I ran a marathon and I barely walked ¾ of a mile. I pretty much suck don’t I, I can’t take care of myself, I can’t provide the emotional or moral support you need, and I don’t want your help. I’m really lost and to become unlost I need to determine where I am and where I need to go.

11:55
My cowboy stew it being nuked as we speak, I have been trying to make stuff lately and go through my cupboard and avoid bean burritos, chili dogs, and dollar burgers. If I stay home thee is less likely a chance I will buy Hooch, I have also avoided lottery tickets even though there is an exciting new game from the Lottery called 4 your way but I call it 4 on the floor, because you win in reverse order and can win as much a 4000 dollars, my head hurts from lack of sleep and I wonder how much longer can I still be productive. The food absolutely sucked, I tried to fit it all in he little glad ware and as a result it did not reheat properly and I made a mess trying to stir it around so it is hot and cold at the same time and cold beans and rice with lukewarm chicken does not cut it, thee is fudge outside the cubical and I may partake of it to get some kind of energy.

1:40
I only have a few minutes I am waiting for a call on info I requested. I ended up speaking politics with @#$%^&*( for most of the lunch hour. It is very scary, Bush is still hanging around and Kerry isn’t responding properly. His only chance right now is to win the 8 states he needs and he is tied with Bush. It looks like Kerry has conceded the popular vote and it looks skewed, like he is losing when he may pull it off.

3:00
The baseball game starts in a few minutes, but I have lost a lot of love for any sports, since the cubs aren’t in it and I don’t watch much pro football anymore, I really don’t care either way. I would like to see the Red Sox win it this year, hoping it would inspire the cubs to pull it off next year but that is a iffy proposition at best. The powers that be do not know how to be in charge, instead of directly saying that there is too much visiting up front, there are signs that say “This is a confidential area, please do not discuss personal business” and “This is a confidential area please do not treat it as a break area”, nothing is said to anyone, I guess expecting us to read the signs, here is the weird thing. No one really notices them but if one of the secretaries stops me and asks me a question I get the dirty looks. He don’t like me and I don’t care because we don’t even say hello when we pass each other, since we don’t talk I can’t get in trouble like I have with others who share their personal opinions with me and it degenerates into a argument.

Anyway it is now 4:50
Time to call it quits, I hope you can behave, I hope you can get by without a call

Peace